The things that happen to me in my life are fascinating. I'm looking forward to my life being fascinating to me and others because I'm building on that. Meanwhile, the things that happen to me boggle my mind sometimes. The same things happen to other women, but I just find it ironic that my life is one huge irony. Ironically, I had to teach irony to my 9th grade class last year. Crazy? I know.

One irony for me is pretty simple. I love shoes. Most women love shoes, and there are plenty of sistas that will buy the flyest shoes instead of making sure that light bill is paid. Plenty of sacrifices are made in the name of fashion all the time. I just can't make the sacrifice of walking around in stilettos, fiyah boots, or even cute little sneakers. I got some flat, wide feet that just ain't made for stilettos and most of what I find adorable or sexy. So, I have to deal with what God made. He made me the right way, though, because I'd be in so much financial trouble if I could wear an average shoe size. I know I'd have some pointy stiletto heels and sandals in all kinds of designs and colors. Broke but bangin'. Isn't that how a lot of fools live...?

**Why did Black Moon's "Who Got Da Props?" just come on my Yahoo station? '93 was a good ass year for some hip hop! I still remember hearing that song on 88.5 on a Sunday night, long before Hot 97.5 (now Hot 107.9) came along as ATL's first all hip hop station. For all I know, I might have had my first orgasm listening to that song while I was in DC on that high school Howard trip. Just in the middle of a great vibe with black intelligence and superb hip hop..... No, no boy involved. Just good life at that very moment. It's making my head spin to think of that perfect moment with the perfect sample with some good hip hop. **

**Why did Common's "Go" just come on right behind it!?! I love some good hip hop!!! Music excites me, and I don't know what this life would be like without all kinds of good music.**

Back to the regular programming.... So, my friend and I talked for a while after that first conversation about becoming friends. He knows the deal for right now. We're friends and nothing more. He might have rekindled his feelings for me already, but I refuse. I cannot even stand to hear him call me "Sweetie" or "Baby" as he always has. He walked away from his "Sweetie" with no problems with it. That still messes with my mind, but I think we'll be cool friends with some time.

We had some very real talk though. I had time to think of what I had to say to him the next night because I had to work out late at night again, and I came home to shower. In the shower, all kinds of thoughts crossed my mind. One special thought that made sense to me was the idea of he and I in the shower together. Now, I know that sounds contradictory, but follow me! See, I know what kind of chick I am on an intimate level, and I know being in the shower with my man is something I enjoy. I enjoy all kinds of things. Then, I placed me and him (let's call him Beaver because he's awfully eager) in the shower together. I ain't digging that at all! He's honestly never been my type physically because he's much bigger than anything I've ever liked. I like my men with meat on their bones, but I don't want too much, and that's what he's got. Lovely man, but I just see him as a lovely persona. I've never really seen him as a lover. Doesn't personality and values count? Yes, but so does attraction. I don't want to frown at my man at any wedding anniversaires.

So, when I dried off, moisturized, and lit candles all around, I called Beaver back. Of course, he answered damn near immediately. I immediately introduced us to the REAL talk of the evening. The biggest thing I had to say: "For real. Do you think you can really see yourself being cool with someone and possibly falling for them all over again when you know that person may not ever feel the same about you?"

I thought I heard his heart drop. There was definitely an uncomfortable silence for him. "I don't know. That's something I never thought about."

I continued. "Plus, you have to consider the idea that it seems that my friendship and the possiblity of anything more comes with stipulations and conditions. Even I have to say that's not cool." You would think a big girl who was turned down more than once for being full-figured wouldn't do the same thing to a guy, but I know what I like. He doesn't have to lose weight to be my friend, but I know what I like to feel against me, and that's less body than I have.

Beaver sighed and reluctantly said, "Yeah, you're right." I know I'm right. I'm a Leo; it's what we do. But if telling that truth makes me evil, I'll bee dat. I'd rather live by the real than fumble around in the fog of a false fantasy. Beaver doesn't deserve that either. Once again, Beaver is a big dude. I mean that. But he's big in his trunk with some meat on the arms. He got no ass and little legs that are pretty nice. So, he has a very awkward build because you can see his weight all over his trunk. If that's not enough, he also has some bad breath. I have a very low tolerance for bad breath and poor hygience, especially oral hygiene. Those two things have always been issues for me, and I've never made a secret of it. I've never belittled him, but I know what bothers me. Believe it or not, there are people out here that still operate in truth.

I was prepared to accept Beaver's decision to leave me alone if that was his decision. His decision would've made sense because why should he continue to feel anything unconditionally for someone who can't return that? Donald Trump and Ted Turned could tell anyone that's a bad investment decision. With all the work and energy you put in, you're not going to get much back from it. Fortunately, he decided he still wanted to be friends. Honestly, I wouldn't want to keep falling for someone that may never want me, so I don't want the same for him. The funny thing: If he would have never walked away like that, we might have been in a relationship by now. The weekend he chose to walk is the same weekend I chose to take him more seriously because he stuck with me longer than any dude in a while. Why not give it a shot? In a way, he showed me exactly why I shouldn't give him a shot ever.

Now, here's the fascinating part of my life. My heart is just like most women's hearts. I want a man that will worship the ground I walk on, that will tell me that I'm beautiful when I'm not feeling or even smelling my best, and he'll be ready for a commitment. He doesn't have to be every women's fantasy with make your panties wet good looks, a flawless body, and an armful of flowers. I'm not that naive. But if the relationship won't be a fantasy come true, then it cannot be anything like pulling teeth when conversation someway, somehow moves towards relationships or, God forbid, marriage.

** COMMERCIAL BREAK : "Clock With No Hands" by The Roots is pretty cool. (Still listening to Yahoo Radio.) I'm digging the music, and I'm listening to the lyrics trying to figure it out. Who is the songstress? She sounds good. I may have to get this Roots CD. But I said that about "Idlewild", and I'm still digging for classics that I'll play 3 or 4 years later. That CD might make it to someone's used CD store. **

Well, I just met a dude this past weekend. I was walking out towards Dollar Tree (I can get three bottles of Wool Wash or whatever it's called for $3, which is not even close to what you pay for one bottle of Woolite. I may not be flat broke, but my Mama taught me not to spend my money all willynilly when I could save a dime here or there.). He saw me, and I saw him. I kind of looked away because I was on a mission. Well, he was, too. He got my attention, we introduced ourselves, and he gave me his number. I think it took all of 5 mintues. He seems nice and decently attractive, but he's not really my type. But I'm learning not to be so picky, so you never know where you may find love, or at least a good friend.

What's wrong? His damn near worship bothers the shit outta me. Ever notice that you always want the ones that treat you the worst? They don't worry about you, but you sho as hell want some more of it. The attentive ones that put their hearts on their sleeves from Jump Street just turn us off. Isn't that sick? I want attention and devotion, and he seems like he may be halfway for real about it, but he makes my skin bristle. His interest borders on a creepy stalker fan with the funny way he talks. I think that he really believes that crap is sexy.....

What's really crazy? He likes the kind of girl I am - mean. Just mean for no reason. Well, besides being hurt by love or what I thought was love. Good enough reason if I've heard one. Why did he tell me, "I like it. I like everything about you." This man does not know me. Haven't went on a single outing or date...but he likes everything. I'll keep a close eye on this possible nut case.

And what's jacked up? That he's labeled a nut case and not a potential friend or very interested guy. Just a nut case. Maybe it's wrong, but that's my honest perception for now. He's a nut case until proven sane.

Internet Dating? Phooey!

I'm so glad that I haven't spent anymore time or money on Internet dating websites. I initially tried it out because I wasn't meeting anyone in my first year of teaching. I figured as I may as well look for a site for fans of full-figured femme fatales. I signed up for a second site that was for African-Americans. It was a small investment, I had some fun and some bullshit, and I went on hiatus from the sites. Just out of curiosity and boredom, I logged into the sites again because I never deactivated the accounts. Well, I've been seen by many seekers. On the real, that's a bit of an ego boost for anyone, especially when I've received a bunch of replies since I went on hiatus in late June.

Well, I took a look at the people who viewed me. So many of the "men" were unappealing because they looked lame or unattractive or they just left off a picture. In 2006. Come on.... Or they didn't take time to talk about themselves. How do you just have "Leave a message" or "More later", and you think that will actually sell a woman enough to leave a message? Would you walk up to a woman, say, "Hi," then sit there quietly while she checks you out. Think about how lame or creepy that would be. Just, "Hi," then breathing. She'll think you're the freak that you are and will bounce.

So, I'm thrilled that I made the right decision to leave that mess alone. Besides, my brother and his good friend schooled my idealistic self on a recent Sunday afternoon. My brother, NOPI, is like me because he is very honest, but to a fault. He happens to be into NOPI featuring the fast and furious Honda cars. His mouth and temper run that fast, too, especially when dumb shit pisses him off.

Alien Nation is one of NOPI's last decent friends that he can share things with. You would think that girls have more drama in their friendships, but NOPI and Alien Nation are the last two out of the original group of six that are still cool. Alien Nation might have little ears (with magic powers no less), but he's a cool dude. Smart and crazy at the same time. He could probably break into a high-security computer without breaking a sweat, and this same man could happily break a sweat whooping somebody's ass who had the nerve to disrespect him. He once offered to do the same for me because one of NOPI's former friends did disrespect me. I told him it would be too much work to coordinate a time of night to sneak over to his place and mess the car up. Alien Nation says, "I'll do it in broad daylight. I don't care." *insert warm, glowy feeling here*

"Don't you know what guys look for on the Internet?" Alien Nation says with exasperation.

"Well, I've met a couple of nice guys who were truly interested, but it just didn't work out. If you mean they're looking for sex, then I can accept that. There are men in real life on the streets just looking for some cut. Y'all just have to recognize that not every single guy on the 'net is looking for some ass."

Alien Nation and my brother, NOPI, just looked at each other with disgusted faces. They had to close their eyes to deal with this epiphany from me.

NOPI, with the most patience he can muster: "Sunshyne, you need to listen to Alien Nation. He knows what he's talking about. They just want sex."

Me: "How does he know that? He can't retain too much information because the info has to make it through his lil ass alien ears. There probably was a traffic jam of the sound trying to make it in the tunnel, but you know something had to be lost along the way."

Alien Nation: "I'm one of the biggest hoes you know. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about because I've done it."

NOPI as he counts on his fingers: "Internet, chat lines - it don't matter. Dating websites are just good for finding a fuck. It ain't even gotta be a good fuck. Just a fuck."

As much as I hate the way NOPI puts things, he's probably telling the truth that I don't want to hear. See, I'm very idealistic, and I border on naive sometimes. I have to be idealistic to still have faith in men. If I weren't, I'd be bisexual by now. Of course, I'm strictly dickly. I love men, but I just don't know if there is one that truly will love me. Been in love before, but never stayed in love. I've definitely been in lust and infatuated with a guy, but just haven't had that true love. Not that I was looking for my soulmate, but it would have been a cool perk to find him.

I met some interesting men when I was on the dating site, but I've only stayed in touch with one: Beaver. That's the guy I told to go to hell on the text. I'll write more on him later.

I have a friend from the Internet. We met through a Black Greek website, and we talk every week. No love connection. He and I both have always been just friends without having to stress the point or fight it.

One of the most memorable was this Indian guy (actually from India). He was 5'11", which threw me off because I didn't know Indians could be so tall. I hadn't seen one that tall until he and I went on a cool date. And he was so cute and just cool as all get out! Nice hair cut, nice car, mannerable, and funny. Mr. Curry showed me a great time. He added some spice to that week in May. (He's Mr. Curry because he imported spices for his business. Sue me if you thought I was being sterotypical or rascist. Naw, scratch that - kiss where the sun don't shine.) We ended up kissing very nicely in the rain, and he tried his best to come in my place. I told him no. Maybe he was mad because he was teased when I had to check the size on his mini-me. He was not mini in any way! Never heard from him again.

So, I'm glad I'm "wasting time" on my Slumber Parties business and developing my writing with my blog again. I could say n****s ain't shit, but I don't feel that way about all men. I'm still on my dating hiatus although I met someone on Saturday who damn near worships me. I just won't break my dating hiatus by doing that cyberdating bullshit.

I was in the middle of the Notre Dame/Michigan State game when my phone rings. My girl, SuperChica, convinced me to go out Saturday. I really had no intentions of doing anything because I had already done enough since my 8:30 step class - and I had a headache, but SuperChica wanted to go out so badly. I could hear her keys in her hand while we're on the phone. Well, I decided to be selfless, so I agreed to have her pick me up, and I would be showered and clean as a Chinese buffet on the day of its second health inspection when she arrived.

SuperChica is my homie for real, and I'm so glad that I'll be in her wedding next year. I'm really glad she's my friend. We've gone through so much since we met back on that trip to Howard when my new clear deodorant was (surprise!) only a deodorant and not an anti-perspirant, so folks did not want to be seated by me. I remember that clear as day because that was the first year of that clear gel-like deodorant, and I was sweating like a town whore in the town's only church, and I had on a jogging suit. But, SuperChica does not remember that. I guess she blocked it out when she transferred to my high school in her Junior year, and we have been friends through thick and thin ever since. She doesn't see all of the great things that are so great about her, but I see them all the time. Plus that heffa has the best locs, but she went nappy after me. *sigh*

So when she suggested going out for coffee or tea or just getting out of the house while being cute, I said yes. I like to go out, and why not go out with one of my best friends ever?

So, we're jamming in the whip, I'm putting on mascara and red lips, and we're just looking pretty damn nice. It would be nice to meet someone while we're out because I'm having a hard as time meeting men in Atlanta. Well, we roll up on Justin's. I know that was my first time, and I think it was hers. It was pretty cool...although the valet was being directionally challenged by telling us to go one way...and then nothing else as we sat there waiting on him. Well, SuperChica finally gives the keys to him, and we walk in. It was pretty cool in there. The ambience isn't fabulous, but it was nice.

So, we're waiting to get a table...and the Notre Dame/Michgan State game is still on! I really am a big college football fan these days! I'm in Justin's around these fabulous black people (one of whom was busy chasing Becky *sigh*), but I didn't give a damn what these fabulous people thought of the black girl with "da girls" all out as she stood watching the game. What can you really say when Notre Dame had no points with Michigan State leading, but I get to Justin's and Notre Dame is leading in the bottom of the 4th? They lost, but it was just fascinating to see Notre Dame intercept on Michigan's last chance to score.

ANYWAY, as much as I really dislike Buckhead and all of the people that just have to see celebs and want to be seen by errybody, SuperChica and I had an excellent time together. Just laughing, talking, and people watching. Hell, SuperChica got watched! I see her resemblance to Vanessa Williams of "Soul Food", but I wouldn't mistake her for the celebrity. She heard the silly girls whispering and wondering if it was her, and that skinned so hard when she looked at their table. I wish I could have that moment where someone really thought I was Jill Scott. I do have quite a resemblance to that beautiful sista, but we're not twins by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

But again, me and girl had a good time just talking, being real, and being ourselves. And I had Italian coffee with Frangelico. That was some serious shit! I felt all grown up and stuff....

So, SuperChica being who she is can't let the night end. I don't mind because we're in that banging car with that fiyah Kenwood system. The display opens and closes automatically. Did I mention the display was a touch screen? Whewwww! We continue thorugh Buckhead and go to Jermaine Dupri's Cafe Dupri. It was pretty cool. Laidback atmosphere where you're really not dying to tell folks, "Guess who I saw?" It seems like that if you see a celeb, then it's cool, but that's not the goal of being there.

There was a local celeb there. He's a producer for one of the radio Morning Shows. SuperChica and I graduated from high school with Boy Wonder's older sister. Why is he Boy Wonder? I learned from one of my co-worker's that went to school with Boy Wonder that everyone in their HS class wondered how he graduated because he skipped school a whole lot. They would even wonder, "Did Boy Wonder transfer schools?" Damn.

Well, seeing him last night, I wondered how the hell he got as big as he did. I mean physically. See, the previous morning show host is very influential, and he convinced the whole morning team to try to get in shape. So everyone was getting in shape. Even Boy Wonder was mentioning feeling better and looking better. He obviously let that fall to the wayside once the host bounced. Dude is bigger than ever! He's not like Big Boy from LA that lost all of the weight, but Boy Wonder...is...BIG. He wasn't like that back in school, but WOW.

Either way, SuperChica and I had a really good time. I didn't want it to end, but she had to drive about 30 minutes away to get back home. But one key convo is going to stick with me. I was telling her one of my ulterior motives to getting in shape. "You know I look good now, but I wanna look great in your wedding pictures."

SuperChica: "You look great now." She's a real sweetheart for that because she's never once made me feel like I'm too big to be confident about myself. She's really one of the real sistas that is not intimidated by looks, and she's cool enough that she doesn't try to intimidate other sistas. I love her for that!

Back to the convo: "Thanks, but I really want to look great in your wedding. Plus, there's another ulterior motive. I want to get a better guy."

SuperChica has a confused look on her face. "You attract guys now."

Moi: "Yeah, but they're not the caliber of men that I would like to attract. Something has stepped up in recent years because I haven't had a dude at home with mom but without a car talk to be, but the guys I get still aren't the ones I want. I think my size has something to do with it, so I'm making an investment in me and my quality of life by losing weight."

SuperChica: "I still don't think size has anything to do with it."

She might be right, but I'm not getting who I want the way I currently am. I can point to one of my good friends, Philly, for some support on my theory. Back when she was about 26 and still the same size she was in HS, she was always attracting high caliber dudes. She even dated an athlete. But she had her third child - a little girl that's the spitting image of her mama. Philly blew up and hasn't lost the weight yet. Philly maintains that the guys that approach her now are not the guys that she's used to at all. It's like she had A- and above guys, but now she's attracting C- through B+.

As for me, I don't know how to call it. There's so much to look at: looks, how he treats a sista, hygiene, intellect. Overall, I still don't have the man that I would like to have. I dated someone very close to it, and I'd like to have that again - just on a better scale. Am I wrong for wanting to better myself and, as a perk, attract a better quality mate? I sho don't think so. I want more out of this life, so I'm gonna get it. Like I always say (well, since this month), "I'm gonna be so FINE in September '07."

That dumb broad Nicole Ritchie

I wanna jack slap her. Just on GP.

I had something akin to sympathy for Nicole Ritchie and her obvious issues with not enough weight. Imagine...a fat girl feeling badly for Nicole who doesn't eat enough.

She fugged that up when she was seen on Tyra saying that no one talks about fat people. No one points at fat people and jokes about them. That broad is off her rocker. She's probably made fun of a size 10 in her day. She probably made fun of JLo for having that famous rear of hers. She might have talked about Buffy the Body to her face if she saw all of that. Deelishus (sp?) on Flavor of Love, too.

But no one talks about fat people? Where has she been for the last four years? She must have forgotten what it was like in Paris Hilton's shadow (that she was casting) when she was a little chunkier just a while ago. What do you think made your dumb arse lose weight? Just for your health? Get outta here with that bullllllisht!

SEC Football is the best! Sum Grek Stuf, two

I'm watching one of my favorite games of the NCAA football season: the Tennessee Vols vs. those damn Florida Gators. I watch it every year, and it always delivers the drama, the excellent plays, the competition, and the awe that I always expect in this game. It's currently 4th Quarter with 2:52 left, and Florida is leading 21-20. The good thing is that you can't give up on Tennesse....but I have to take that back since Florida just intercepted a 4th & 10 pass! At least the Vols had the balls to give it a shot at this point in the game. I LOVE THIS GAME! There's been interceptions and bad judgement calls galore like the fool Gator that decided to run the punt...from the end zone and ended up getting tackled at the 10 or 12 yard line. The announcer said the same brilliant thing I said: He should have taken the knee. You and the fans think you're great, but you're not Superman. What were you thinking? Or were you thinking? You big dummy. *sigh*

I'm sure that none of my friends would believe that I'm really this deep into a game with two of Georgia's biggest rivals. I've finally come to the point in watching college football that I can actually appreciate schools other than Georgia. Yes, Georgia is the greatest school in the state, and we have a championship filled sports program. (Hate and the truth are the same; they hurt.) But the SEC is the best football conference. Period. I can't get into debates with hardcore fans about players, records, and coaches, but I know that we have a powerful conference that gives great entertainment and demands respect in the fall. It makes me proud when I see those SEC commercials. It's another tradition for Southerners to be damn proud of.

The irony? I've never attended a single Georgia game. Never....I want to. It's one of my goals on 43things.com. But I was a poor college student who worked in the student center on Game Day. Can you imagine working for and directing fans and alumni who are drunk at 8 AM? I promised that it's gone down like that. Especially trying to tell a 40 something year old former frat boy who returns to his frat boy identity, "Sir, you can't bring that beer into the Student Center." What about the returning sorority girl, "Ma'am, you cannot leave your children in front of our television. You must remain with your children." I can't make this up. It did not make me want to attend the game with those same people. I still love my Dawgs.

****


That second part of the title is appropriate. Sororities are serious, especially down South, but it's STUPID to let things get too serious. If you get in, great. If you don't, maybe you'll get in through a grad chapter. If you get in or not, a sorority will not make or break your existence. It is fun, but you will not need to be committed to a mental health facility if you're not in a sorority during your undergrad years or ever. But to the girls I saw today....


Being the dutiful sorority woman that I am, I did some sorority business outside of the usual chapter meetings. I supported our undergraduate efforts by attending a Greek Forum for a local college (and there are several in metro Atlanta). At this particular institution, interested young ladies must attend the Greek Forum held only once per semester before they can begin the process of joining a sorority. The purpose is to give the young ladies basic information about the sororities as well as making the ladies aware of hazing, legalities, and membership requirements such as a minimum 3.0 GPA. It's a great idea, and I applaud the school for such a great program. The only issue is that it is taken sooo seriously by the Greeks and the interests. You would've thought we were at a funeral. I was just waiting for a coffin to roll on the stage. Even some of the Greeks put on their game faces. Quiet. Stiff. Somber. Not a smile on a face. Barely anyone whispered.

On one hand, I'm glad that the young ladies take Greekdom so seriously because this is a big life decision. We Greeks want to know that you take your pursuit seriously because having the privelege of wearing the letters is not the end of your journey. We want to know if you'll still be serious enough to work hard at being a productive member of the sorority if you're chosen just like you worked so hard to be accepted for membership. Even so, no one should be that doggone intimidated. The ladies didn't even want to smile when the keynote speaker, my beautiful legal eagle soRHOr who keeps it real, encouraged them to loosen up. Sad.

Now, I spoke to a homie tonight who is an alum of said institution, and she said that was standard procedures. You bet' not smile. Don't even look around too much. I'm so glad I went to Georgia. Greek Life wasn't perfect there, but it wasn't that doggone serious for an open forum. It was actually fun. Now, it might have been more uptight at a specific sorority event where you're putting your interest on the table, but it wasn't to today's level.

How serious was it for me? I drove back home after being in my beautiful royal blue suit and banging black heels for over 6 hours. On the way home, I made a decision from the left lane to slow down so I could ease my Honda into the gas station so I could go to the package store to pick up the TGIFriday's White Russian. I wanted a drink after that event, plus I was gonna enjoy my college football. I removed my sorority pin and put my keys (on the sorority lanyard) away as I sashayed and twisted all of my hips into that store. Yes, I knew I was tight for the day, but I couldn't enter da licka sto' in my letters! I got my stuff, got home, stripped quickly out of the suit and enjoyed LSU vs. Auburn.


BTW, I'm losing weight! I'm gonna be so fine in September '07! I already know what's gonna happen, too. I'm gonna attract more men as I lose more weight. And not just random dudes. The ones that I really like. But I can already see a couple of convos going like:

Moi: "Where do you work out?"

Likable: "LA Fitness."

My face will light up: "Really? Me, too! Which location?"

Now, if'n Likable says, "Camp Creek" or "Akers Mill/Cumberland," then I'll have to say, "Really? Well, it was nice meeting you."

Former Likable who is slightly puzzled: "Is that a problem?"

Moi with a cool demeanor: "Yes, because you didn't talk to me when I was a fat girl trying to get healthy at Camp Creek or Akers Mill. You were probably chasing snow bunnies at Akers Mill. Now, you want to reap the rewards when you could've met me at the gym while I was on the Leg Press or lifting free weights. Negative on that, Captain."

I know that'll always be an issue for me. Would you have dated me when I was "pretty for a big girl"? (That's a dumb comment, not a compliment.) For now, I'm investing in moi by working out and eating better. Cottage cheese and green tea. Yeah...yummy, but an investment.

I got comments!

It's a doggone shame, but I just found some comments that were left for me. I had no idea that folks I don't know were reading my words. How exciting!

Thanks for the support on those comments...from 3 months ago. (I am so ashamed....)

See, this could motivate a sista to get very serious on writing the stories and possible novels that are under the fro. Even if the comments were short, I'm glad that I moved someone just a small inkling to have some response or connection to my words. Yay for ME!

Maybe I'm lame for this, and I'll apply some of Redman's favorite words to this situation just like any other: "I'll bee dat."

Next on the menu: learn how to get pictures all up in the middle of my posts.

Go 2 hell! How's that 4 a text?

I'm trying to be dedicated to my working out. I slipped up on Sunday and Monday by not working out and/or eating some trash. I decided to bounce back and make sure I work out each day and eat better. So, I did my time at the gym on Tuesday night, even after I had to visit Target and buy black socks to go with my black pants. I just can't stand white socks with black pants! I did my time well because I warmed up for 10 minutes on the treadmill, completed 50 minutes on the elliptical (including the 5 minute cooldown), cranked out some crunches and ab exercises, and loved every minute of the lower body weight training. (I'm gonna be sooo fine in September '07 for my best friend's wedding!)

The cell phone stayed in the car. I left it on in case someone thought enough of me to place a phone call. I could see who called or sent messages. One of my close friends sent me two messages about some deranged chick yelling in a cell phone conversation about a pregnant friend with Herpes...while riding the MARTA train. Good job....

Lo and behold, I see another phone number that looks familiar. I think to myself that it cannot be who I think it is because I ignored his earlier text messages and e-mails to me. Maybe it was a telemarketer that I would cuss out if they called again. But the telemarketer theory can't work because the message was sent around 9:30 pm. Damn....

The guy that abandoned me over Memorial Day weekend sent me a text message: "I really miss talking with you. If you could, please give a call or a text. Either way, take care of yourself."

You ever heard of something being "white hot"? Now, that was me. Not just furious. More along the lines of incensed, infuriated, off the wall, and pretty much pissed the f**k off. Where does he get off still contacting me after months of solitude? How could he miss talking to someone who sent countless text messages and e-mails and made several phone calls? I can't believe I'm admitting it, but I even tried to pop up at his house to confront him. He lives in the boonies of an Atlanta suburb; he's closer to Alabama than Atlanta. I drove out there hoping to rely on my memory, but I realized I missed getting there by one street off. I left two messages, and I never got a response from him. Nothing at all.

I intended to tell him nothing at all because that's what I did for his previous messages. I was so pissed that I had no choice but to text him back: "Go 2 hell! How's that 4 a text?" I was gonna leave it alone and keep it moving because that's what he did.

I've been on a dating hiatus for quite some time now, and I realized that it felt good to be alone. I have my Slumber Parties business that I need to take more seriously; my eating and exercise habits are becoming more focused as I try to become healthier and trimmer; and I have to find a roommate and a place to live by the end of the year. Do I need a man around? Not at all. I like male companionship, but it's nothing critical at this point.

Funny. My curiosity got the best of me, and I wanted to know where his mind was when he decided to bail on me. The worst thing was he bailed exactly one day after I chose to call him over anyone else and share that my dear cousin, DeWayne, had passed. I hadn't been touched like that in a long while, but I knew that he was someone I could count on when I needed the support. When he disappeared, I assumed he was taking a break for a couple of days or maybe a week. He does that when he needs space, and I wouldn't spazz out over that. When it reached two weeks, that's when things changed, but he was like a blown light bulb: OUT.

**This is a long post! Take a break. Get some water, coffee, or some popcorn. Get some air. Isn't this pre-fall weather wonderful?**

To make a long story short, I blew up at him when we eventually talked. I let him apologize several times. I also let him feel funny when I informed him that he had a funny way of showing someone that he missed them when he was incognegro for months. Major synopsis: I was a major bitch.

Did my bitchiness resolve things? No. Now, the words that I chose later helped a lot. He could completely understand where I was coming from because how would you feel if someone wanted to prove they were trustworthy once they broke the trust that they had previously earned? There was no understanding why he bounced.

And why do men do that crap anyway??? If you are having difficulties, you want some time alone, or you just don't want to be bothered with that one chick in particular ever again, just man up and say so. I've said that before, and I still mean it. I live by a few rules, and one of my favorite ones is Say what you mean, and mean what you say. How hard is that crap?

I don't know what to do with him in the meantime. We've talked since Tuesday, and we had some REAL TALK on Wednesday night. Some realities had to be faced. If someone reminds me, I'll speak on them. I don't know if he really should have the chance to be my friend or if he should just be gone. I really don't know. I know a lot of things that he told me, and I understand a lot better now. It still ticks me off.

Now, rest your eyes or post a comment.

They Say Be Careful What You Ask For

I said I wanted an easier job without 100+ students on my nerves and their parents that swear that they could no wrong in a classroom setting. I have no administrators, test scores, failure rates, or spiral curled stick up the arse department heads to contend with. This new job is pretty sweet for the decent pay I'm getting.

But I'm bored as all get out today! I'm trying not to fall asleep, but there's not much to do on a Wednesday! To top it off, the nice people let us go to lunch FOR AN HOUR whenever we get good and doggone ready. This is so unlike other customer service jobs I've had. (More on that later.) I had a nice salad from the ultra-convenient Publix that's about 1 mile away. It's such a nice location in The Vinings - which from the native Atlantan point of view is still Smyrna. Who are these transplants trying to fool??? Anywho, the salad was splendid! Crab meat, sweet peas, some special ham with a black outside (scared me but it was delicious), cucumbers and tomatoes in their own special salad, and red onions all on a bed of Romaine lettuce with Parmesean Cheese. Sorry, no croutons because I'm getting a little more seroius about my weight loss efforts. Absolutely splendid salad! Why did a sista catch The Itis? I had to go make some tea to try to wake up.

Now, I'm doing better thanks to this blog. While I'm complaining in this blog, I have to consider again that this customer service job for a web-based rental ads company is still excellent compared to other crap I had to endure. At my first okay job out of college, I was a customer service rep for a complaint line. Folks were always calling because they didn't enough napkins or they were missing ketchup. It was a straight bullisht job, but I made some cool friends there that I'm still in touch with today. I don't miss that building for nothing because there was politics at a bullisht job, and the whole place was ran by unprofessional people who wanted to be really corporate but couldn't be even if they found a corporate figurehead getup in a costume store. I don't miss that environment at all.

The other uffed up environment was at another company that tried to be corporate but had more folks (mostly one black chick) on power trips. Don't you hate folks like that? Just because you have a title does not mean you can treat people anywhichway you feel. Just because you're not getting loving like you want it does not mean you have permission to talk down to me. Not that it happened to me, but the group I worked with was united in the beginning, and we had to call for a meeting with our Customer Service Manager. But certain behaviors began to come to light, especially with my supervisor claiming her "favorites" (pronounce fay-vo-right). I don't care if you have a favorite or not, but don't come to me claiming I'm a favorite one time after you said it to one particular person 20 times. I don't deal well with fraudulent individuals. If you can't be real about your personal preferences, then I can't trust you to be real on a professional level when I need your support or your assistance with my benefits.

That's what I had to face. My current job is super sweet. I'm still blogging right this second about whatever comes to mind. I'm by myself from 6-8pm just in case someone needs help or makes a phone call; it's pretty dead around that time. Even my supervisor doesn't have major issues! She's actually a cool chick who dresses "goth chic" with her studded black leather wrist cuffs, cute black jackets and boots, and her short cute hairstyle with a fuschia streak! Really easygoing. She's a mixture of different ethnicities including Spaniard...but not African-American. She's my first European boss, and I'm digging it. She keeps my drama to a minimum because there really isn't drama. I love it.

But I won't stay with this for the next 5-10 years, and she knows that's not what any of us want. I really need to use this time to focus on weight loss as well as my career aspirations to become a writer and a truck driver. I'm trying to be focused on everything...if I don't fall asleep first.

one more thing

I know at least one person that reads my blog, so she'll be surprised to learn that my new "friend" is 50 years old! He doesn't look or act 50, but he's still mature, so I'm not worried about the age gap. I'm more entertained or amazed at the age gap, but it's not creating a problem between two cool people that enjoy spending time together. I love it when he talks mad shit when we play dominoes! He usually backs up his shit talking better than I do. LOL

It's Labor Day Weekend....oh no!

The end of summer is around the corner. It hurts my feelings because summer is my favorite season, but I'm sick of the heat and humidity in Georgia, so I guess this works. Meanwhile, September in Georgia usually is affected by the hurricane season. It's cooling off! I can wear an afro without it shrinking up immediately! I can even step outside and delay my perspiration for about 15 minutes. At least I don't have to run the air.

So, I have to make things brief in the middle of this "Noah's Arc" marathon. I didn't go out on a Friday night, and I'm kinda cool with it. If I had gone to work out earlier, I could've gone out and did something. But it's gravy. I just worked my ass off at LA Fitness, guzzled a lot of agua, and treated myself to some sushi. I can't afford to buy sushi every single day. I know I can't look rich.

I do have a new job, and it's kinda handy and dandy for right now. It's a temp position with an Internet based company, but it's the easiest, most laid back customer service gig I've ever had. I'm digging it, and I can't wait until my 3 months of temping are up so I can be hired by the company. Life is pretty cool right now. I just have to figure out how to eat better and work out consistently all at the same time. I had a love affair with Mrs. Winner's SUPER Cinnamon Swirl and steak biscuits this week. That's why I had to work out so hard! I've enjoyed eating the foods that I live, especially because none of this was emotional eating. I just wanted the Swirls! I may have to pray that I don't succumb to temptation tomorrow.

I'm inspired to write bigger and better blogs now. I can't confirm if I'll be blogging every single day or week, but I am definitely inspired. I found some cool blogs tonight by starting at my soror's blog, http://gradschoolsucks.blogspot.com. Who knows what could come of my blogging? A writing career? Less frustration? It sho as hell betta not be some kids.

Back to Noah's Arc. I love that show!