I feel so grown up!

Reading is fundamental. If I had read about a week ago, I would've known how easy it was to finally post my pic. It really wasn't that hard at all. Just...read.

Cute, ain't it? Not egomaniac gorgeous, but definitely cute. I caught my afro on a real good and fluffy day. Notice how I had time to take this pic at work.

A lot has happened this week, and I don't know if I want to make that much time to comment on it all. My time is moreso needed for working my Slumber Parties business. That's what I'll be doing this Friday night. There's no party for me to play fabulous host to, but I'll definitely be at a Slumber Party next Friday night on the third. I'm hoping that I can shine, make a hilarious (but educational) evening for the ladies, and make a nice profit. See, my faith and belief in myself and this company will be tested with this party. I bought quite a bit of merchandise to have in stock with me on the night of that party. First time ever trying to carry stock. I'm still trying to build my demo at the same time, so this is a precarious moment. I'm sure I'll do okay, but there are two concrete goals: A. sell a bare minimum of $500 in product, and B. book 2 additional parties, hopefully one in February.

At least I'll be in the NO for Convention later in Feb. Hopefully, I'll have some great pics to post here.

Why did I spend most of the afternoon searching for a new cell phone online? I have a Motorola RAZR, or however you spell the crap. I bought it b/c I killed my phone after dropping it one too many times, and I was not about to pay $70 copay for the same phone. So, I basically sold my soul to the TMobile devils by buying a $50 phone which extended my contract for another 2 years. Hopefully, my search for an unlocked phone will pay off. I'm in love with my coworker's Sony Ericsson W600.


Isn't it pretty??? It's my favorite color: orange. That color that everyone cannot get into or even wear, but it's a color I've loved since college. It has an alternate blue "cover" (or whatever), too. Beautiful! And it's so cute in so many ways. The cool part: I read some reviews on Amazon, and everyone loved it. Even my coworker loves it! I'm gonna have to get this phone/camera/music player/FM radio. The search is on this weekend!

I'm trying to catch up with the rest of the world. I already have a MySpace account that I barely use. It's easy to see the usefulness of it if you can connect with long lost friends, but there's so mnay crazy stories out there about folks moving in with each other, then coming home to find their house or apartment more naked than a newborn baby. I just plan to use sense when I operate on MySpace. Besides, my cousins are on there, and my bestest friend in the whole wide world keeps sending me messages. SupaChica, you're the shiznit!

But why can't I upload a picture I took yesterday to this account? I'm sorry that I haven't signed up for some new-fangled picture sharing or whatever. I guess I should just to make this easier. I love the idea of sharing my picture with the itty bitty (but I'm so glad to have ya!) readership I have. If anyone has any tips on uploading my photo here, like what website to go to, help me out. I sho freeshenate ya!

I went on an interesting date on Sunday with this decent guy I met. He was a little older than I wanted, but he was nice enough. Nice walk in Piedmont Park (and I plan to visit again just for walking and exercise...that's it), visit a Midtown restaurant which was nasty (Boo, Zocalo!), then visit Oakland Cemetery....

See, what had happened was I mentioned going there before with a previous boyfriend for A Day In The Park as they call it. You get to learn about Victorian Symbolism, African-American history, and women's history. Well, we walked up around 5:45, and it was getting dark. The guard was there and said nothing ever happens; a lot of the residents have been dead for well over a century. He mentioned the marker for The Unknown Citizens of Atlanta, which mostly holds slaves. Their wood markers had since disappeared, but of course no bodies had been removed. Well, interesting guy and I went to the back of the cemetery and paid our respects. That was a moving moment for me because before that, the closest I had really been to slavery was visiting Mt. Vernon (home of George Washington) in 7th Grade. Just being in the presence of that old 18th century stuff that was tended by slaves did touch me. The area for slaves was beyond peaceful...but I didn't want to spend the night.

We went to Oz Pizza and parted ways. He really acted like he didn't want to leave me, and we hugged nicely. Why haven't I heard from dude? It's okay because I wasn't really, really digging him. I just spent a warm Sunday with decent company, and I'm good to go.

Quickie

I only have time to blog as much as I can until 5 pm because I got thangs to do. I always got thangs to do, but this time is very important. If only I could damn focus!!! I did that earlier today, and it felt so natural to focus on what I was doing...but I'm on company time, and I like keeping the company happy.

NOPI did make it on "Yo Momma"! He made it through 2 tough auditions, and MTV thought he was 1 of 5 people funny enough to rep College Park. Here's the irony: only two contestants were really from CP, and one dude was from out of state. Who new? Look for my red afro and Sigma Gamma Rho jacket in April or May. I'll keep you abreast.

For the past week or so, me and my new coworker, Ms. Zune, have been saying to each other, "I really love my job!" It's a real cool, laidback atmosphere because we can dress how we like, no one is all up in our grill talking about, "Why aren't you on the phone?" and our manager is hella cool. Why did our manager tell us today that our office will be moving...thanks to the parent company??? No one is happy about the move, especially a traffic hating heffa like me. That was one of the best perks of the job: a 20-30 minute communte not far from home. I could leave comfortably at 8:30 and still have time to spare. Everyone is hoping that the move will fall through, especially me, because I really don't want to be required to leave the house at 7:30. At least they're offering to tweak our schedules if need be. *sucking my teeth*

OK...it's 5:01. That's a lot of typing in 6 minutes ain't it? Love ya! Stay black...or white...red...whatevea you are....

Picture Caption: New Mexico National Guard Sgt. James Lombard carries a bale of hay to a waiting Black Hawk helicopter on a ranch north of Clines Corners, N.M., Jan. 3, 2006.

Rescuers Race To Save Snowbound Livestock

Hundreds of hay bales fell from the sky across Colorado's rangeland as military helicopter and cargo plane crews delivered food to cattle that have been stranded by the heavy snow and high drifts for a week.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/04/national/main2329379.shtml#ccmm

You might have to read that blurb/article a second time. Let the words process in your brain.

National Guard...helicopter...cattle...snowbound...



This is one of the few times that I'm glad I was listening to Frank Ski V-103 in the morning in Atlanta. I usually all of the ghettoness, but from time to time, Frank has something to say for the community. He can bring some light to the people's vision in a lot of areas, and he did the same for me on Thursday morning. (Trust that admitting that I liked Frank took a lot out of me because I'm usually one of his chief haters because the name-dropping drives me crazy.)

The National Guard was sent out in the snow to save some cattle. All of the lives God gives are important in some capacity, right? But we weren't that important after Hurricane Katrina struck in '05. Folks were stranded for 3 days before some real help came out to them. I will be fair and saw that there have been weeks of issues after the snowstorms in Colorado, but the National Guard was flown out to find feed for cattle. Is this hitting home for anyone?

BTW, I'm pretty colorblind, so I don't wanna make this a "George Bush doesn't like black people" issue. I'm not one of the people that drives me crazy with their talk of how the White man is to blame for everything, but Hurricane Katrina's effects are still being felt since there are still so many Nawlins folks who still aren't home. Trust that I taught a lot of them when I was teaching last year.

That picture is almost like a slap in the face to see Federal Help getting out there for animals that cost $1200 each yet it's still a struggle to get help for human beings. I'm just saying.....

BTW, I'm really trying to have shorter blog entries...every once in a while. Can you tell?

Wednesday Wind Down

I got a few minutes before I leave work, so why not use them wisely to blog my life away? Traffic does seem lighter with a lot of schools still out for the Holiday Break, so no need to rush into traffic.

So, enough small talk. It's an understatement to say that I was upset with my family on New Year's Day. I actually had no intentions of seeing or speaking to anyone. I just wanted to go to Barnes and Noble for their 1/2 off calendars, which aren't as attractive or varied anymore (you bastards), and get ready for a good New Years workout. Well, the plans had to change because I checked out the TV schedule and had to realize that there were an assload of college football bowl games coming on that same day. Three games featured three great SEC teams. I had to get this craziness off my chest so I could watch my games with true enthusiasm. (Forget the familial bonds...)

So, I got on the expressway and went towards my parents' house. I make it around the corner and see my Florida cousins. I was hoping to see them one mo' gin. Then, my father comes outside and tries to be cool with me like everything is cool. NOPI comes out seconds later. Damn! My bitch was on auto-pilot!

Dad: "You wanna come with us to Golden Corral for breakfast?"

My big self: "NAW! I ain't going nowhere with you fat disrespectful lying people!"

My cousins had never seen me snap like that, so they didn't know what to do. I said a bunch of mean-spirited stuff that was completely true. Of course, my brother and father were thinking, "You need to get over that," and dismissed my outburst. I let them go on about their business and went inside to visit my mother.

Mama was laid out in bed and looking just so sad. She hadn't heard any of my outburst because she was still laid up in bed. Her back had been bothering her so much. She even left her house full of guests to go upstairs, and she never does that, even when the guests have overstayed their welcome. I sat with her, and we really talked. Talked so much that I told her all of what happened and started crying. No boohooing, no snot, but just my tears and my cracked up words trying to honestly tell the story. I really did try to tell the story without getting upset, but the real emotions of it overflowed.

The realness behind my feeling disrepected is that I don't like people to tease me about my character or my intellect. When I was a kid, I was always told, "You got plenty of book sense but not a lick of common sense." That has always followed me even though I've developed a lot more common sense through experiences, negative and positive. Even worse, don't say anything about my integrity. I'm not a saint, but I think I'm a pretty decent person. Honesty and loyalty are two of my strongest traits, and I don't intend to compromise on those unless necessary. A game of Spades is not a necessary reason to lie about anything, so I'm not having it. When I got made fun of about not playing Spades well because I don't take all kinds of time to strategize or because I don't know when my partner is trying to lie to win (because winning should take skills, not lying), that just pissed me off. I can take being called fat, nappy-headed, and short (but you can't say ugly because that's just a lie), but don't go for the core of who I am.

When my mama took time to talk with me, she hipped me to a lot of stuff that I never knew about her. Stuff from her childhood and adolescence was tough because she has a left hand that didn't form completely. It means nothing to me and my family at all, but she had a hard time with it. She had shared it with me before, but it seemed more powerful on New Years Day. She gave me some great wisdom, too. "You can't go around trying to make everybody like you or love you. If they don't, that's too bad for them. Just keep moving." I can dismiss my sis-in-law because she really irks my nerves too much anyway. I actually like Alien Nation because he's a cool (but psychotic) dude. But who wants to dismiss their brother or dad? I just wanted them to understand where I was coming from.

So, to make the long story short, I ended up telling my side of things 3 times because NOPI and Dad came into the house at different times. My Dad really seemed hurt when I said that I sometimes felt like a stepchild. I actually saw him hang his head a bit as if he thought he had failed as a parent. Everyone tried to reassure me that there were no favorites in the family. Dad even apologized for real (unlike earlier that day) because he could tell I was truly offended, and I was. I know that our making jokes is a form of bonding, but I just didn't want those areas of who I am as a person to be touched. He told me that he honestly didn't want me to feel like a stepchild because it's a lot of pressure on a person to feel like an outsider in a family. I really wanted to ask him how he felt that way because I swear everyone adores him just like they do NOPI, but there might be some things about him I don't know yet.

So to make this longer story shorter, we're a happy family again. I took care of my mom by making her soup and bringing it upstairs. It was more a work of love than just a chore as it had been when I was a kid. I stayed with her while she slept, and when she woke up, I found myself curled up in their queen-size bed next to her. I helped my Dad do dishes. Actually, he started them, I found milk in a glass, and I just took over while he rinsed. My brother finally put those low-profile tires and rims on my car, and it looks pretty cool. Everybody is cool with everybody.

I just had to resolve to never play cards with those people again, especially when they're drinking. Shoot, I might now drink with them fools again either. Alien Nation said he wouldn't talk about me anymore, but he'll let me talk about him all I want. Frankly, I don't want it that way because we have fun when he's calling me fat, and I'm clowning his little ears and his bald spot and his Celie-looking girlfriend. But he probably thinks I'm completely sensitive to anything. We gonna have to have a talk. I just see sis-in-law when I see her.

Off to step practice we go! Gotta eat first, but I'm eating healthy folks. I gotta get dead serious about losing this weight, and I think I've found my way. I'll holla at y'all about that soon.

It's just a new year, but it's gotta be completely new

I hope 2007 will be the beginning or continuation of great things for any and everyone reading this. I can only pray for the same things in myself after the start I've had to 2007. But that very eventful start has motivated me like never before.

On New Years Eve, I decided to spend the day with my family which included some cousin's on my father's side from Lakeland, FL. I really enjoyed myself with all of my family, especially the young kids. My youngest cousins are Buddha, a 3 year old chocolate boy that is so cute but mischievious, Nu Nu, Buddha's precocious and protective 5 year old sister, and Mu Mu, the 8 month old baby that is the spitting image of her 17 year old mother. It's weird, but all 3 of them took to me very well. Kids are usually NOPI's specialty, but they all were in love with me for the day. I slid into that role quite nicely, but I was glad to give them back to my relatives, especially when Mu Mu threw up on my leg. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to send her straight back to her mama.

My relatives eventually left for the night, but this brought on one other set of relatives. My sister-in-law (the only one I have) and her kids came by to ring in the new year. Then, NOPI's friend, Alien Nation, swung by as he was invited, and NOPI's girlfriend was in on the fun, too. My mom was at the house, but she wasn't feeling well, so she played no part in this story. We laughed our heads off as we always do and just had a great time together. Spiked egg nog, Black Cherry Smirnoff Ice, and other libations got us having a wild time after the clock struck midnight. Alien Nation got us all to go outside, and he was the first one in the neighborhood to fullfil one great 'hood tradition on New Years Day: shooting a gun in place of fireworks. NOPI, his girlfriend, and Alien Nation all shot off rounds, but I just couldn't do it. That hand gun was loud as hell.

We finally go back inside, and the suggestion is made to play cards. We all love playing card games, especially Spades. I played a game of Speed with my 6th Grade niece before we got into Spades. So, me, my dad, Alien Nation, and sister-in-law played to 250 as NOPI watched on the sidelines. The game is going okay, but we keep getting these hands that just aren't going our way. To make the long story short, I probably messed up on one hand, and I didn't pick up on signals from my partner (Sis-in-law) when she was trying to cheat by saying it was her deal or go, but it wasn't. (All I can say is that I'm an honest person, and I've never played with people that talk across the table or try to lie to gain an advantage in the game. So, sue me.) From that point, comments start coming out from everywhere.

Dad: "I need to sue UGA for my tuition back."

Sis-in-law: "I think FutureIVY would've caught on to my clues better than you."

NOPI (who was left back in 1st grade and barely graduated HS): "Dad, you think I would've done better at Georgia?" Dad replies, "Hell yeah!"

Sis-in-law again: "She didn't go to UGA. She just rode around the campus. She was there for recreation."

Alien Nation & Dad: "They gonna set themselves. Sunshyne can't bid her hand anyway. She didn't count her cut cards or anything." Yet, in that hand, we got 8 books, and I know I did quite well with my bidding on that hand.

At this point, I didn't care about my Spades skills, I was beyond pissed when my family members and someone I call family were disrespecting me by using me as a source of entertainment. Someone may be thinking, "It's just words." That might slide for one, two, or three jokes. Disses were flying left and right, and they were dissing my integrity and my intellect, two things that I am quite proud to have. Quite bluntly, that shit ain't right.

None of their shit is right to me. I've been taking heat for years because of how I look, who I date, how I think, what I like, what I do, etc. I can go on and on. It seems like I don't have my family's full respect after almost 30 years, and I don't think I'll ever have it.

Trust that this isn't the first time I've had these feelings. It's been a non-stop affair with my family favoring my rude ass, sometimes psychotic Sis-in-law over my nice self. I'm not a sweetheart all of the time, but I don't feel a need to talk about others constantly to feel good about myself. She just happens to be quite funny in addition to being smart and about business. I have those qualities, too, but my brand of funny is different from Sis-in-law's while her brand of funny falls completely in line with my family's. So, I still feel like my family would rather deal with her than me anyway. BTW, this is at least 5 years that I've had such feelings.

So why should I take such abuse from people that I am supposed to love and that should love me? When I got to the point that my face was giving away my hurt because my face can't hide what I'm feeling, I had to bounce. "Where you going?" somebody asked. "The fuck outta here," I replied. So, my dad tries to take my phone to make me stay. I demand, "Give me my phone." Dad is already tipsy and still laughing at me when he says, "No, gimme a kiss on my cheek first." Like everything was cool! I kept demanding my phone, and someone finally said, "Just give her the phone." Dad said real quick, "I don't give a fuck how mad she gets." That really pissed me off, so I said, "Fine. Keep the fucking phone. I don't need this shit."

Unbelievably, even to me, I really left and slammed the door so hard that the door shook. I was hoping to break the glass. I could hear them still dying laughing as I left. I got my phone back when they sent my nephew to give me my phone. No one came out to apologize or ask me to come back in. They all just let me leave without a concern.

No one called as I drove home. No one sent a text to check on me. I drove in silence for most of the ride just processing what had happened, and there was a lot.

By the time I got home, my brother called my cell. Cute. I pressed Answer and immediately ended the call. A few minutes later, my dad called from his cell. Same exact response because I don't need the bullshit. The phone is currently off.

I honestly think I've had enough. I've had enough from them and from myself. So, I think the first 3 hours of 2007 were a message from God to get my stuff together. If I don't, I'll pretty much repeat 2006 with disrespect and lackluster results in my life. There are plenty of things that I want to accomplish, but it won't happen if I keep doing the same ol' shit. If I keep up the same shit, then I'm essentially shitting on my future, and I don't want that.

So..., some things that I gotta pull together:

~ get organized, starting in my bedroom where there are plenty of piles that need to be sorted, purged, assigned space, containerized, and equalized (creating SPACE...did you catch that?)

~ focus on eating habits and a regularly consistent exercise routine. I've lost weight in 2006, but I'm stuck in a rut. I don't like this rut, so I've gotta make things happen. I gotta stop dragging my feet, especially on my eating habits and food choices. So, no Checkers for at least 6 months. Seriously.

~ build my Slumber Parties home business. I said I want more money, but I gotta put in the work to do it. Money hasn't fallen in my lap so far, and it's not gonna start now.

I'm making some considerations on my living arrangement. I'm still with NOPI for now, but this is some bullshit. I shouldn't tolerate disrespect, especially to that level from my family that should be my support system. Where will I go? Not sure, but I really want to leave the state at this point, and I'm not playing. I'll probably try to pull that off more when I finally get my CDL, which should be 18 months from now. (Long story involving an epiphany and a rear-end collision.)

For today, I'm gonna jump in the shower, get some great rest, and make sure my ass is in the gym. Barnes and Noble is on the agenda so I can get a nice half-price calendar and exchange my copy of "South Beach" for a book that I really believe will work. It's "The Reverse Diet: Lose All the Weight You Want by Reversing Your Meals" by Tricia Cunningham, the revolutionary, and Heidi Skolnik, the nutritionist. It makes so much sense, and I want to do it for me. Not the family, not the man that I still can't find, or the approval of any others. Just for me, myself, and I. This calls for reinstating one of my old mantras that worked way back when during college: "Fuck all the bullshit."