It's just a new year, but it's gotta be completely new

I hope 2007 will be the beginning or continuation of great things for any and everyone reading this. I can only pray for the same things in myself after the start I've had to 2007. But that very eventful start has motivated me like never before.

On New Years Eve, I decided to spend the day with my family which included some cousin's on my father's side from Lakeland, FL. I really enjoyed myself with all of my family, especially the young kids. My youngest cousins are Buddha, a 3 year old chocolate boy that is so cute but mischievious, Nu Nu, Buddha's precocious and protective 5 year old sister, and Mu Mu, the 8 month old baby that is the spitting image of her 17 year old mother. It's weird, but all 3 of them took to me very well. Kids are usually NOPI's specialty, but they all were in love with me for the day. I slid into that role quite nicely, but I was glad to give them back to my relatives, especially when Mu Mu threw up on my leg. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to send her straight back to her mama.

My relatives eventually left for the night, but this brought on one other set of relatives. My sister-in-law (the only one I have) and her kids came by to ring in the new year. Then, NOPI's friend, Alien Nation, swung by as he was invited, and NOPI's girlfriend was in on the fun, too. My mom was at the house, but she wasn't feeling well, so she played no part in this story. We laughed our heads off as we always do and just had a great time together. Spiked egg nog, Black Cherry Smirnoff Ice, and other libations got us having a wild time after the clock struck midnight. Alien Nation got us all to go outside, and he was the first one in the neighborhood to fullfil one great 'hood tradition on New Years Day: shooting a gun in place of fireworks. NOPI, his girlfriend, and Alien Nation all shot off rounds, but I just couldn't do it. That hand gun was loud as hell.

We finally go back inside, and the suggestion is made to play cards. We all love playing card games, especially Spades. I played a game of Speed with my 6th Grade niece before we got into Spades. So, me, my dad, Alien Nation, and sister-in-law played to 250 as NOPI watched on the sidelines. The game is going okay, but we keep getting these hands that just aren't going our way. To make the long story short, I probably messed up on one hand, and I didn't pick up on signals from my partner (Sis-in-law) when she was trying to cheat by saying it was her deal or go, but it wasn't. (All I can say is that I'm an honest person, and I've never played with people that talk across the table or try to lie to gain an advantage in the game. So, sue me.) From that point, comments start coming out from everywhere.

Dad: "I need to sue UGA for my tuition back."

Sis-in-law: "I think FutureIVY would've caught on to my clues better than you."

NOPI (who was left back in 1st grade and barely graduated HS): "Dad, you think I would've done better at Georgia?" Dad replies, "Hell yeah!"

Sis-in-law again: "She didn't go to UGA. She just rode around the campus. She was there for recreation."

Alien Nation & Dad: "They gonna set themselves. Sunshyne can't bid her hand anyway. She didn't count her cut cards or anything." Yet, in that hand, we got 8 books, and I know I did quite well with my bidding on that hand.

At this point, I didn't care about my Spades skills, I was beyond pissed when my family members and someone I call family were disrespecting me by using me as a source of entertainment. Someone may be thinking, "It's just words." That might slide for one, two, or three jokes. Disses were flying left and right, and they were dissing my integrity and my intellect, two things that I am quite proud to have. Quite bluntly, that shit ain't right.

None of their shit is right to me. I've been taking heat for years because of how I look, who I date, how I think, what I like, what I do, etc. I can go on and on. It seems like I don't have my family's full respect after almost 30 years, and I don't think I'll ever have it.

Trust that this isn't the first time I've had these feelings. It's been a non-stop affair with my family favoring my rude ass, sometimes psychotic Sis-in-law over my nice self. I'm not a sweetheart all of the time, but I don't feel a need to talk about others constantly to feel good about myself. She just happens to be quite funny in addition to being smart and about business. I have those qualities, too, but my brand of funny is different from Sis-in-law's while her brand of funny falls completely in line with my family's. So, I still feel like my family would rather deal with her than me anyway. BTW, this is at least 5 years that I've had such feelings.

So why should I take such abuse from people that I am supposed to love and that should love me? When I got to the point that my face was giving away my hurt because my face can't hide what I'm feeling, I had to bounce. "Where you going?" somebody asked. "The fuck outta here," I replied. So, my dad tries to take my phone to make me stay. I demand, "Give me my phone." Dad is already tipsy and still laughing at me when he says, "No, gimme a kiss on my cheek first." Like everything was cool! I kept demanding my phone, and someone finally said, "Just give her the phone." Dad said real quick, "I don't give a fuck how mad she gets." That really pissed me off, so I said, "Fine. Keep the fucking phone. I don't need this shit."

Unbelievably, even to me, I really left and slammed the door so hard that the door shook. I was hoping to break the glass. I could hear them still dying laughing as I left. I got my phone back when they sent my nephew to give me my phone. No one came out to apologize or ask me to come back in. They all just let me leave without a concern.

No one called as I drove home. No one sent a text to check on me. I drove in silence for most of the ride just processing what had happened, and there was a lot.

By the time I got home, my brother called my cell. Cute. I pressed Answer and immediately ended the call. A few minutes later, my dad called from his cell. Same exact response because I don't need the bullshit. The phone is currently off.

I honestly think I've had enough. I've had enough from them and from myself. So, I think the first 3 hours of 2007 were a message from God to get my stuff together. If I don't, I'll pretty much repeat 2006 with disrespect and lackluster results in my life. There are plenty of things that I want to accomplish, but it won't happen if I keep doing the same ol' shit. If I keep up the same shit, then I'm essentially shitting on my future, and I don't want that.

So..., some things that I gotta pull together:

~ get organized, starting in my bedroom where there are plenty of piles that need to be sorted, purged, assigned space, containerized, and equalized (creating SPACE...did you catch that?)

~ focus on eating habits and a regularly consistent exercise routine. I've lost weight in 2006, but I'm stuck in a rut. I don't like this rut, so I've gotta make things happen. I gotta stop dragging my feet, especially on my eating habits and food choices. So, no Checkers for at least 6 months. Seriously.

~ build my Slumber Parties home business. I said I want more money, but I gotta put in the work to do it. Money hasn't fallen in my lap so far, and it's not gonna start now.

I'm making some considerations on my living arrangement. I'm still with NOPI for now, but this is some bullshit. I shouldn't tolerate disrespect, especially to that level from my family that should be my support system. Where will I go? Not sure, but I really want to leave the state at this point, and I'm not playing. I'll probably try to pull that off more when I finally get my CDL, which should be 18 months from now. (Long story involving an epiphany and a rear-end collision.)

For today, I'm gonna jump in the shower, get some great rest, and make sure my ass is in the gym. Barnes and Noble is on the agenda so I can get a nice half-price calendar and exchange my copy of "South Beach" for a book that I really believe will work. It's "The Reverse Diet: Lose All the Weight You Want by Reversing Your Meals" by Tricia Cunningham, the revolutionary, and Heidi Skolnik, the nutritionist. It makes so much sense, and I want to do it for me. Not the family, not the man that I still can't find, or the approval of any others. Just for me, myself, and I. This calls for reinstating one of my old mantras that worked way back when during college: "Fuck all the bullshit."