Boredom has set in lately. So, to avoid the boredom, I called one of those chat lines. I honestly haven't been meeting any guys lately because I'm always doing something with women that has me holed up in a house. Seriously, step practice is Monday and Wednesday at my soror's home, and I'm always trying to do something with Slumber Parties, and that involves more women. So, I decided to try it out because even when I meet guys on the street, they are nowhere close to what I'm looking for.

This goes against NOPI's conventional little brother wisdom. "That's where you go to find hoes. You don't find love on that line."

Moi: "But I'm not looking for love. I'm just looking to kick it. If a dude falls head over heels for me, then cool. If he doesn't, then I still got to keep some company with the opposite sex with a clear understanding of where things are."

NOPI gives me one of those "Are you serious?" looks again. "That's nice that you think it can work that way, but if a dude is looking for a ho, and he gets a nice, cool girl with a good head on her shoulders, he's still gonna try to bring out her inner ho because every cool girl has one."

Now, that's true. A woman who wants to be perceived as decent operates under that M.O.: lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. Makes sense, so I can't be mad at NOPI's logic. I don't like it, but it's the reality of the situation I put myself into.

So, I've met three guys on the line, and one is hiding. Maybe something is wrong with him. I know nothing is wrong with me because I sent him a very cute pic of myself (something I should put on this profile) looking all glossed up and eyes just a-poppin'. We've talked since he's received the picture, but I still don't have one for him. Hmmm.... Regardless (and it's not irregardless because that ain't a word), everyone is always a friend until further notice, and I'm not looking for more than a friend right now anyway. If someone becomes more than a friend, then that's splendid. If it's just platonic like it is with the dude who is hiding, then that's fine, too.

But Special K has to come along. It's still hilarious to me that he popped into my world, and we literally grew up in the same neighborhood. He grew up in the front of my subdivision, and I was in the back of the subdivision by the church. He knew a lot of the names that I knew, and we reminisced and dropped names for a long time. Absolutely amazing. We finally met last Friday and had a decent time together. I didn't get a hug, and that was cool because quite frankly, his breath was rancid. I don't get why some guys don't know that breath strips, breath mints, or even peppermints actually exist. They are not a part of someone's vivid imagination.

Well, Special K and I have been talking. Then he sends this text message saying he wants to talk to me about something. Cool. I'm down for convo because we both are two cool people that like honesty. Special K sounds somewhat nervous and then asks, "What are your intentions towards me?"

.....

.....

.....

That was the intial response because that's a damn girl question. Especially a young naive girl who doesn't know any better than to ask a guy a question like that. I asked that when I was maybe 20, and I didn't get a real answer until the situation got crazy. He finally answered with, "I thought we could have had a future together." WTF? And that was pretty much the response I had last night.

ME: "I honestly can't answer that. I don't know at this time." Safe. Easy. Non-commital. "What about your intentions?"

Special K: "Well, I see us as friends."

Me: "Umm....I thought that was exactly where we are right now."

Special K: "Well, I just wanted things to be clear for both of us. I didn't want one of us talking about how we met someone and things become awkward because one of us likes the other one."

That's some weirdness to me because things were just cool as we ran under the assumption of being platonic friends. I've always ran with the rule "Friends until further notice", and that's the same rule that a guy can use with me. It's a great rule that keeps things clear until you need a discussion about "I think I like you as more than a friend". So, Special K's big announcement really should've been kept to himself. He has more of a reason to shut up about it because later in the call....

Special K: "OK, let me straight with you about everything. I've been talking to my ex [of 1 year], and things are cool right now. There's no commitment, but we might be looking at getting back together."

Now, that was a classic case of a few sentences too many in a conov. I was cool at "Let's be friends". Great. But now you've been talking to your ex that is your ex for a reason. Now, realistically, he can do that. I've done that, and it's a reality. I don't like the part that he started getting to know me and already assigned me to the friend role, especially when his ex comes along. It's not too serious, but I feel kinda used. Like a rebound girl. As far as I know, I've never been a rebound girl until now. That stuff ain't cute, especially when it's revealed who you are. Damn honesty....

So...all of that comes around to the final detail. Special K is gonna want me at some point. How do I know? Because I'm gonna make it so. Dude will want me within the next year, and I'll gladly decline. I remember one of my old friends did that to a guy, and I thought it was so mean. Now, I completely understand why she did it. I'm not one for being used or played. But you wanna play? Cool. Let the games begin, buddy. (And not on a Musiq tip...no special arrangements here.)

New Mantra

I'm taking baby steps as I get my Slumber Parties business to grow and flourish. I know that it's a great business with great products including lingerie, sex toys, and lotions. We have great stuff and great support, but what do I have? Do I have the drive to make it happen for real for real?

I believe that I do. I just found the perfect mantra for my business and my life in general.

Kick your own a$$ every day.

You won't make a real difference in your life if you keep letting yourself slide each and every day. Take my eating habits. I gotta be more strict about eating treats or foods that aren't good for me. So what can I do to kick my own a$$? Well, I was real good and bypassed the Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch that was on sale. I got Fruit and Cream Variety Pack of Kroger Oatmeal. It was regular sugar, and I can tell that I'm getting more accustomed to less sugar. But it's what I have to do. I can't throw in the towel just because it's getting hard. I can't take the easy way out just because I can clean up the mistake by starting over again.

So, I'm kicking my own butt in business, too. I have a goal to meet one new person whenever I'm out. That one new person is better than no new people at all. Same thing with the weight loss. I was beat the hell up when I was jogging uphill, but I know it'll pay off in the long run.

Off to make money (and I only typed for 6 minutes. Doug E. Fresh, you're on!)

I feel so grown up!

Reading is fundamental. If I had read about a week ago, I would've known how easy it was to finally post my pic. It really wasn't that hard at all. Just...read.

Cute, ain't it? Not egomaniac gorgeous, but definitely cute. I caught my afro on a real good and fluffy day. Notice how I had time to take this pic at work.

A lot has happened this week, and I don't know if I want to make that much time to comment on it all. My time is moreso needed for working my Slumber Parties business. That's what I'll be doing this Friday night. There's no party for me to play fabulous host to, but I'll definitely be at a Slumber Party next Friday night on the third. I'm hoping that I can shine, make a hilarious (but educational) evening for the ladies, and make a nice profit. See, my faith and belief in myself and this company will be tested with this party. I bought quite a bit of merchandise to have in stock with me on the night of that party. First time ever trying to carry stock. I'm still trying to build my demo at the same time, so this is a precarious moment. I'm sure I'll do okay, but there are two concrete goals: A. sell a bare minimum of $500 in product, and B. book 2 additional parties, hopefully one in February.

At least I'll be in the NO for Convention later in Feb. Hopefully, I'll have some great pics to post here.

Why did I spend most of the afternoon searching for a new cell phone online? I have a Motorola RAZR, or however you spell the crap. I bought it b/c I killed my phone after dropping it one too many times, and I was not about to pay $70 copay for the same phone. So, I basically sold my soul to the TMobile devils by buying a $50 phone which extended my contract for another 2 years. Hopefully, my search for an unlocked phone will pay off. I'm in love with my coworker's Sony Ericsson W600.


Isn't it pretty??? It's my favorite color: orange. That color that everyone cannot get into or even wear, but it's a color I've loved since college. It has an alternate blue "cover" (or whatever), too. Beautiful! And it's so cute in so many ways. The cool part: I read some reviews on Amazon, and everyone loved it. Even my coworker loves it! I'm gonna have to get this phone/camera/music player/FM radio. The search is on this weekend!

I'm trying to catch up with the rest of the world. I already have a MySpace account that I barely use. It's easy to see the usefulness of it if you can connect with long lost friends, but there's so mnay crazy stories out there about folks moving in with each other, then coming home to find their house or apartment more naked than a newborn baby. I just plan to use sense when I operate on MySpace. Besides, my cousins are on there, and my bestest friend in the whole wide world keeps sending me messages. SupaChica, you're the shiznit!

But why can't I upload a picture I took yesterday to this account? I'm sorry that I haven't signed up for some new-fangled picture sharing or whatever. I guess I should just to make this easier. I love the idea of sharing my picture with the itty bitty (but I'm so glad to have ya!) readership I have. If anyone has any tips on uploading my photo here, like what website to go to, help me out. I sho freeshenate ya!

I went on an interesting date on Sunday with this decent guy I met. He was a little older than I wanted, but he was nice enough. Nice walk in Piedmont Park (and I plan to visit again just for walking and exercise...that's it), visit a Midtown restaurant which was nasty (Boo, Zocalo!), then visit Oakland Cemetery....

See, what had happened was I mentioned going there before with a previous boyfriend for A Day In The Park as they call it. You get to learn about Victorian Symbolism, African-American history, and women's history. Well, we walked up around 5:45, and it was getting dark. The guard was there and said nothing ever happens; a lot of the residents have been dead for well over a century. He mentioned the marker for The Unknown Citizens of Atlanta, which mostly holds slaves. Their wood markers had since disappeared, but of course no bodies had been removed. Well, interesting guy and I went to the back of the cemetery and paid our respects. That was a moving moment for me because before that, the closest I had really been to slavery was visiting Mt. Vernon (home of George Washington) in 7th Grade. Just being in the presence of that old 18th century stuff that was tended by slaves did touch me. The area for slaves was beyond peaceful...but I didn't want to spend the night.

We went to Oz Pizza and parted ways. He really acted like he didn't want to leave me, and we hugged nicely. Why haven't I heard from dude? It's okay because I wasn't really, really digging him. I just spent a warm Sunday with decent company, and I'm good to go.

Quickie

I only have time to blog as much as I can until 5 pm because I got thangs to do. I always got thangs to do, but this time is very important. If only I could damn focus!!! I did that earlier today, and it felt so natural to focus on what I was doing...but I'm on company time, and I like keeping the company happy.

NOPI did make it on "Yo Momma"! He made it through 2 tough auditions, and MTV thought he was 1 of 5 people funny enough to rep College Park. Here's the irony: only two contestants were really from CP, and one dude was from out of state. Who new? Look for my red afro and Sigma Gamma Rho jacket in April or May. I'll keep you abreast.

For the past week or so, me and my new coworker, Ms. Zune, have been saying to each other, "I really love my job!" It's a real cool, laidback atmosphere because we can dress how we like, no one is all up in our grill talking about, "Why aren't you on the phone?" and our manager is hella cool. Why did our manager tell us today that our office will be moving...thanks to the parent company??? No one is happy about the move, especially a traffic hating heffa like me. That was one of the best perks of the job: a 20-30 minute communte not far from home. I could leave comfortably at 8:30 and still have time to spare. Everyone is hoping that the move will fall through, especially me, because I really don't want to be required to leave the house at 7:30. At least they're offering to tweak our schedules if need be. *sucking my teeth*

OK...it's 5:01. That's a lot of typing in 6 minutes ain't it? Love ya! Stay black...or white...red...whatevea you are....

Picture Caption: New Mexico National Guard Sgt. James Lombard carries a bale of hay to a waiting Black Hawk helicopter on a ranch north of Clines Corners, N.M., Jan. 3, 2006.

Rescuers Race To Save Snowbound Livestock

Hundreds of hay bales fell from the sky across Colorado's rangeland as military helicopter and cargo plane crews delivered food to cattle that have been stranded by the heavy snow and high drifts for a week.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/04/national/main2329379.shtml#ccmm

You might have to read that blurb/article a second time. Let the words process in your brain.

National Guard...helicopter...cattle...snowbound...



This is one of the few times that I'm glad I was listening to Frank Ski V-103 in the morning in Atlanta. I usually all of the ghettoness, but from time to time, Frank has something to say for the community. He can bring some light to the people's vision in a lot of areas, and he did the same for me on Thursday morning. (Trust that admitting that I liked Frank took a lot out of me because I'm usually one of his chief haters because the name-dropping drives me crazy.)

The National Guard was sent out in the snow to save some cattle. All of the lives God gives are important in some capacity, right? But we weren't that important after Hurricane Katrina struck in '05. Folks were stranded for 3 days before some real help came out to them. I will be fair and saw that there have been weeks of issues after the snowstorms in Colorado, but the National Guard was flown out to find feed for cattle. Is this hitting home for anyone?

BTW, I'm pretty colorblind, so I don't wanna make this a "George Bush doesn't like black people" issue. I'm not one of the people that drives me crazy with their talk of how the White man is to blame for everything, but Hurricane Katrina's effects are still being felt since there are still so many Nawlins folks who still aren't home. Trust that I taught a lot of them when I was teaching last year.

That picture is almost like a slap in the face to see Federal Help getting out there for animals that cost $1200 each yet it's still a struggle to get help for human beings. I'm just saying.....

BTW, I'm really trying to have shorter blog entries...every once in a while. Can you tell?

Wednesday Wind Down

I got a few minutes before I leave work, so why not use them wisely to blog my life away? Traffic does seem lighter with a lot of schools still out for the Holiday Break, so no need to rush into traffic.

So, enough small talk. It's an understatement to say that I was upset with my family on New Year's Day. I actually had no intentions of seeing or speaking to anyone. I just wanted to go to Barnes and Noble for their 1/2 off calendars, which aren't as attractive or varied anymore (you bastards), and get ready for a good New Years workout. Well, the plans had to change because I checked out the TV schedule and had to realize that there were an assload of college football bowl games coming on that same day. Three games featured three great SEC teams. I had to get this craziness off my chest so I could watch my games with true enthusiasm. (Forget the familial bonds...)

So, I got on the expressway and went towards my parents' house. I make it around the corner and see my Florida cousins. I was hoping to see them one mo' gin. Then, my father comes outside and tries to be cool with me like everything is cool. NOPI comes out seconds later. Damn! My bitch was on auto-pilot!

Dad: "You wanna come with us to Golden Corral for breakfast?"

My big self: "NAW! I ain't going nowhere with you fat disrespectful lying people!"

My cousins had never seen me snap like that, so they didn't know what to do. I said a bunch of mean-spirited stuff that was completely true. Of course, my brother and father were thinking, "You need to get over that," and dismissed my outburst. I let them go on about their business and went inside to visit my mother.

Mama was laid out in bed and looking just so sad. She hadn't heard any of my outburst because she was still laid up in bed. Her back had been bothering her so much. She even left her house full of guests to go upstairs, and she never does that, even when the guests have overstayed their welcome. I sat with her, and we really talked. Talked so much that I told her all of what happened and started crying. No boohooing, no snot, but just my tears and my cracked up words trying to honestly tell the story. I really did try to tell the story without getting upset, but the real emotions of it overflowed.

The realness behind my feeling disrepected is that I don't like people to tease me about my character or my intellect. When I was a kid, I was always told, "You got plenty of book sense but not a lick of common sense." That has always followed me even though I've developed a lot more common sense through experiences, negative and positive. Even worse, don't say anything about my integrity. I'm not a saint, but I think I'm a pretty decent person. Honesty and loyalty are two of my strongest traits, and I don't intend to compromise on those unless necessary. A game of Spades is not a necessary reason to lie about anything, so I'm not having it. When I got made fun of about not playing Spades well because I don't take all kinds of time to strategize or because I don't know when my partner is trying to lie to win (because winning should take skills, not lying), that just pissed me off. I can take being called fat, nappy-headed, and short (but you can't say ugly because that's just a lie), but don't go for the core of who I am.

When my mama took time to talk with me, she hipped me to a lot of stuff that I never knew about her. Stuff from her childhood and adolescence was tough because she has a left hand that didn't form completely. It means nothing to me and my family at all, but she had a hard time with it. She had shared it with me before, but it seemed more powerful on New Years Day. She gave me some great wisdom, too. "You can't go around trying to make everybody like you or love you. If they don't, that's too bad for them. Just keep moving." I can dismiss my sis-in-law because she really irks my nerves too much anyway. I actually like Alien Nation because he's a cool (but psychotic) dude. But who wants to dismiss their brother or dad? I just wanted them to understand where I was coming from.

So, to make the long story short, I ended up telling my side of things 3 times because NOPI and Dad came into the house at different times. My Dad really seemed hurt when I said that I sometimes felt like a stepchild. I actually saw him hang his head a bit as if he thought he had failed as a parent. Everyone tried to reassure me that there were no favorites in the family. Dad even apologized for real (unlike earlier that day) because he could tell I was truly offended, and I was. I know that our making jokes is a form of bonding, but I just didn't want those areas of who I am as a person to be touched. He told me that he honestly didn't want me to feel like a stepchild because it's a lot of pressure on a person to feel like an outsider in a family. I really wanted to ask him how he felt that way because I swear everyone adores him just like they do NOPI, but there might be some things about him I don't know yet.

So to make this longer story shorter, we're a happy family again. I took care of my mom by making her soup and bringing it upstairs. It was more a work of love than just a chore as it had been when I was a kid. I stayed with her while she slept, and when she woke up, I found myself curled up in their queen-size bed next to her. I helped my Dad do dishes. Actually, he started them, I found milk in a glass, and I just took over while he rinsed. My brother finally put those low-profile tires and rims on my car, and it looks pretty cool. Everybody is cool with everybody.

I just had to resolve to never play cards with those people again, especially when they're drinking. Shoot, I might now drink with them fools again either. Alien Nation said he wouldn't talk about me anymore, but he'll let me talk about him all I want. Frankly, I don't want it that way because we have fun when he's calling me fat, and I'm clowning his little ears and his bald spot and his Celie-looking girlfriend. But he probably thinks I'm completely sensitive to anything. We gonna have to have a talk. I just see sis-in-law when I see her.

Off to step practice we go! Gotta eat first, but I'm eating healthy folks. I gotta get dead serious about losing this weight, and I think I've found my way. I'll holla at y'all about that soon.