the "are you kidding me?" lesson

I saw my younger brother NOPI get married on Friday, and that was pretty extraordinary considering he and the bride almost missed the ceremony. Their little family was well-dressed and commented on highly for how attractive they were. I'm still fascinated that my younger brother who has always vowed to never grow up is a father and now a husband.

With such a monumental event in the fabric of life, I should've known something would unravel a bit. Saturday morning is going pretty well. Just another early morning rise where I'm happy to not report to work because I'm straight chillin' in my cozy good with my hubby. The Good Life indeed. Then, my cell rings.
The caller ID only shows "private no." which probably only means one thing: don't answer. Only one person's number would show as private, but my devil's advocate kicks in. Why would Christopher Columbus call me after the last conversation we had where I cruelly but honestly advised that any other pursuits of me were a waste of his time and energy because he and I would never go any damn where? I even hung up on him four times to drive the point home. So no self-respecting man would chase a bitch like that again. Never. It'll be nothing to this phone call.

I answer in my cold business demeanor, "This is sunshyne."

Mystery voice says, "Heyyy!" It's a deep voice that sounds pretty sexy. Damn if it ain't Christopher Columbus! I grow colder trying to confirm the suspicion. Then, I figure I should throw suspicions out the window when dude has not identified himself after 10 seconds. I hate the "I just wanna hear your voice game".

Click. And it's over. Damn, forgot to tell him I'm married. Then again, Christopher Columbus called earlier in the week, and I know he heard my new last name on my voice mail.

The irony that is my life. I knew a former flame (or idiot) would be calling because I had a dream that I spoke with an old flame on the phone in my dream the night before. It was a different guy that I would've enjoyed talking to just so he can be reminded again that he wouldn't have to call me to hear my voice if he would've done right by me. Between the dream and the actual phone call, I remember all the bullshit I went through before meeting my wonderful husband with his perfect imperfections.

I put my phone down, walked over to hubby, and gave him kisses and hugs to show him again how much I appreciate him and the best decision I've made to date.

Whirlwind weekend almost over.

I have about 24 hours left to recuperate from the last 48 hours.

Between being a proud auntie at her salutatorian niece's graduation (beautiful speech), road tripping up and down the interstate, and having the honor and privilege to serve as one of SupaChica's bridesmaids at her beautiful, tasteful, and fun wedding at a very lovely Georgia location, I'm wiped out but content.

By they way, my girl, SupaChica, was absolutely stunning. Her bridal party (Team Bride) was attractive as well. Everyone just looked nice, and everyone was touched by everything. Fascinating fact: almost everyone in the bridal party is married. Impressive.

Now that all is said and done, I almost don't know what to do with myself. There's one other thing I have to do, but it doesn't compare to logging about 500 miles on my car on the weekend with the highest gas prices yet. It was worth it since there were some once-in-a-lifetime events I went to. But I still filled up my tank at a cost of $47.84. *tear*

My Alphabet

I found this on a messageboard that I frequent. Basically, take each letter of the alphabet and use a word or phrase that pertains to you. I could do this all day everyday:

Anticipating reporting to work on Monday
Better than being laid off
Christ is my Lord and Savior
Diggin' my family
ETA Sigma Alumnae Chapter
Faithful and sisterly sawrahu
Georgia born and Georgia bred
Hell yeah when I die I'll be Georgia Dead
I's married nowq
Just 3.5 months
Kids are being contemplated
Loving coupledom first
Maybe a mommy one day
Nifty auntie today
Open roads
Protective napptural styles
Questing for a CDL
Red afros occasionally
SEC Football loving chick
The ultimate conference
UGA = best school and mascot
Wife of a Togolese
Xi! Chi! Xi! Chi! Xi Xi Xi! Chi! (from the flick Road Trip)
Yes, I like randomness
Zoos suck

Everything is moved in thanks to my ambitious fiancee and my very, very helpful 17 year old nephew. All that mass and energy came in very handy on Saturday and Sunday, and I'm so glad he was here for me. I'm sure he enjoyed the cash I gave him, too. The cool thing was that he wasn't doing it to make money because money was never discussed. He was just being a nice young man.

So, he's involved for my quality life decisions for the new year. I don't beleive in New Year's resolutions since attending a power Watch Night Service many years ago. We all know that resolutions fall by the wayside usually by February but no later than April. So, I'm making quality life decsions to change how things go in my life. One thing I plan to do is spend more time with said nephew. He's farther away now with the move, but he'll be a HS graduate soon, and he deserves to be taken more and more as an adult by his auntie. I'll give that a shot as he prepares to go off to college in the fall.

This New Years Eve was pretty cool but eventful. My mom, dad, brother NOPI, his girlfriend, her mother, my helpful nephew, my oldest sister with her hubby and three kids, my sis-in-law with the four kids, two family friends, and fiancee and I all gathered at my parents' house to ring in the New Year. We tried to avoid the craziness of drunk drivers and firing guns in drunk revelers hands. Fiancee finally met my eldest sister, and she and hubby approved of their initial meeting.

We started counting down to midnight, and I think I'm the only one that witnesses my brother ask his preggers girlfriend to be his wife. He was shaky as he put the ring on her finger, but he made it happen...while we were screaming, "8! 7!..." Once we calmed down, my sis in law pointed out that NOPI didn't explain the significance of that particular ring. Sis in law composed herself and as she explained that the ring on her finger was the same ring that our eldest brother proposed with many years ago. In honor of his memory and his commitment, NOPI decided to use that same ring. It made NOPI's friend misty, and my eldest sister had to step outside with the emotion, but it was a beautiful sentiment.

This New Year has just been beautiful, and I don't know if I can imagine how much better this year is going to be. After all, I have a great guy that has no shame in preparing a plate of food for me and bringing it to bed for me. What did I do to deserve that?

Congrats are in order....

I'M ENGAGED!

I'm very much in love with my wonderful fiancee. How did this happen when I never blogged about him? Well...that was the plan. This year, I finally learned some discretion when blogging , and look at the beautiful results. (Um, that ain't us to the left.)

I really don't have time to make one of my usually long posts because we're in the middle of moving in together. (NOTE: I drove a big old Chevy truck to move my first load and was so HAPPY the whole time I was driving. No one else wanted to drive all of that heavy duty metal. Hence, I haven't given up on the idea of truck driving.) Shacking up was never in my plans, but life doesn't always go according to plan. I've always heard that if you really want to make God laugh, then tell him your plans.

I wonder what will happen on the kids front because I've told people for the longest that I don't want kids.

Contemplating All the Time

I feel bad for not blogging for so long. However, I've been dealing with A LOT in my life. The short version is I've been hit on by a variety of characters that helped me hone my skills when it comes to flushing the crap down the toilet. One guy was still married and ready to make a move because of the chemistry we had while dancing and talking. He was eventually gonna make me his girl on the side just waiting for the day he would leave his wife. Riiiight. The young fool took me to a drive-in where we went dutch, and he actually asked me, "Do you like oral?" during the date. Like my panties were gonna just disappear and we would get down to business. Just one disappointment after another.

However, one friend who was lurking but still being my friend got closer to me despite my resistance. He always claimed, "I love you," since I've met him, and my responses were, "You don't know me." But he really knew how to treat me the way I wanted and deserved to be treated. And he digs me for me, not what I could be. On November 25, we officially became a couple. It's only been 2 months, and I think he really does love me. I feel very strongly for him, but I beleive I'm emotionally dragging my feet because of all the stuff I've encoutnered so far at 30. I want to love. I just don't want to be hurt again. I'm just taking my time.

I'm still doing me in the meantime. I've fallen off my workout regimen because I hurt my heel pretty badly. I did the AIDS Walk but didn't have the best support for me in my shoes. I've been lightly limping since. I've ridden a stationary bike quite a few times, and I love to change the resitstance, challenge myself to a hig speed for abou 1 or 2 minutes, and feel the sweat. It's not as much sweat as I'd feel on the elliptical, but it's better than nothing. THen somehow, I've just stopped. I'm sure a great deal of it stems from being with someone who loves me just the way I am. He actually wishes I were bigger - no deal. I'll stay exactly the same before I pile on pounds. No one is worth me making my health completely decline by adding weight. Not even free Chick-Fil-A for a year, and I love those Mint Cookies 'n' Cream milkshakes.

But while I'm getting more and more consumed in this fast-moving romance, I just learned of Latasha Norman being a missing woman on Wednesday. Most people didn't hear about her disappearance because of mass media ignoring a non-white with blonde hair. It took FaceBook networking and adamant requests from the public for some national coverage of Latasha's story. As usual, we all suspect foul play from a current or former boyfriend because we hear a lot about that these days. As usual, we were right.

Based on the limited media details I read, Latasha broke up with her boyfriend months ago. But they were both students at Jackson State Univesity in Jackson, Mississippi so they were bound to bump into each other at the small school. On October 9, Latasha called police outside of a restaurant because Stanley hit her. Then on November 13, she winds up missing. Now, Stanley has been charged with Latasha's murder. Her body was found on November 29 and appeared to be 2 weeks into the decomposing process.

There's so many elements to this that are really jacking with my mind. For one, domestic violence has lead to an early death several times for several unfortunate ladies and their families. It might have been a case similar to Latasha's where she actually cut off the relationship, or it could be a case where the woman stayed when she should have left. It's even more disturbing that a 20 year old woman is no longer here because her 24 year old criminal justice major of an ex-boyfriend threw his life away because he couldn't handle rejection. It just doesn't make sense to me to give up my freedom because someone doesn't want to be with me.

That leads me to wonder about my sweetie. My boyfriend really is a genuinely sweet, shy, and funny guy who's kind, generous, and way more understanding and patient than any guy I've ever dated. However, I haven't had the opportunity to see him get truly upset (besides him stuttering to find the right words to protest my "You don't know me" response to his dail claims of loving me). Will he flip out like this? Will I ever be in danger?

I still recall one night after another long step practice, there were about 6 of the 9 step team members still outside before going home. We were talking about the case of Tynesha Stewart who was killed by her ex-boyfriend. He actually dismembered her body and burned her remains on a grill. Disgusting and unreal.... But one married soror was telling us singles, "Be careful of these men y'all are dating. You have no idea who you're dealing with. We don't want to see any of our names in the headlines because of who we dated." That sticks with me because we don't know. That can apply to a married woman as well as a single woman, but her motherly concern stuck with me. Stories like these help me on stay on my toes while dating.

Prayers go out to the family of Latasha Norman facing this new unfortunate circumstance as well as Tynesha Stewart's family who may take a very long time finding peace in these matters.

Sources:

http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071129/NEWS/71129039
http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071129/NEWS/71129031
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/190902/texas_man_slaughters_and_grills_teens.html

Reflections on whatever we had

Whodini - One Love

Posted Nov 07, 2006

To love someone is an atmosphere/

That you both still share when one's not there/

There's no way real it can be explained

.....

It's the way I trust you and you trust me/

I guess some of us are so lucky

Who knew I would be enlightened by Whodini's "One Love" when it came to this thing called "love"? Those lyrics and feelings applied to me and Bones just a few days ago. Now, it's all gone. Funny that the song was playing immediately after I hung up the phone from that effed up phone call. All because he pulled an enormous punk move with a punk decision. No gumption. No courage in this situation. Just had the gall to suggest to me after nearly 3 months, "I hope we can be friends and still hang out from time to time."

Yeah, I took it back to about 1990 when I heard that "proposition". My face contorted into a straight up "Gas Face". Where in the hell does he get off giving me breakup terminology at this point in our friendship? And by this point, we were more than friends...but not officially a couple.

Bones insisted on Wednesday evening that the matter was quite complicated. "I should tell you everything face to face. I owe you that much."

With a painful look on my face like I just smelled someone's after effects of the bean burrito from lunch, "Just spit it out now. You can't leave me hanging like that after suggesting a plain 'friends' situation."

"It's kinda late to talk about it now, but can we meet for drinks or a bite to eat on tomorrow?"

I'm remembering some of the great Rules I've been learning, and I make sure he understands the world doesn't revolve around him. No changes to my schedule just because Bones makes a suggestion. "You know Thursday at 7 PM is Kamick time," I answer as I look forward to the beautiful pain of the weekly step class. "I gotta work out. So how about 9 o'clock at my house? We'll go somewhere from there, and I should be showered and dressed by 9."

Bones agrees, and we get off the phone. So, Thursday comes, I get forced to workout with a substitute for Kamick, which was awful. Only 1/5 of the class actually worked out, and it was such a letdown. I thought that I was tired again, but I was quite slow during the workout because it was boring and repetitive easy crap. Nowhere near Kamick's style. Sad thing is that I had encountered Lazy Lindsay before, and just like the first time I worked out with her, I had no endorphins flowing as I somberly left the gym at 8:01 PM. I knew I couldn't get on a machine to make up for that wack step class because I had to meet with Bones.

I pull into the driveway at 8:33 PM knowing that I might not be ready at exactly 9. I decided to be proactive and check Bones' estimated time of arrival. When he answers, I'm nice about everything in the little chit chat. We're glad that both of us had a decent day at work.

"So, where are you now?" I ask.

"At my cousin's house," he replies.

"And you're on your way to where?"

The man who gets off at 4 PM from his supervisor position at a hospital says, "I haven't been home all day. I was at my cousin's for a while."

I ask again, "And you're on your way to where?"

Bones plainly says, "Home."

I answer with silence because I'm in disbelief. Bones knows my silence speaks volumes. After about 8 seconds, I plainly ask, "Shouldn't you be on your way over here like you said?"

Bones comes with a lame answer: "I have to work tomorrow, and it's getting kinda late."

Now I start to get steamed because we has a face-to-face talk last week, but it wasn't a problem letting me come over to visit late for a talk. When it's his turn to drive, he somehow is much more conscious of the time of day. In my frustration and anxiety, I make a simple request: "Just spit it out then. Why is there suddenly a request to be 'friends' when we were supposedly growing closer in our current friendship?"

This began a long bullisht conversation regarding the previous woman he was dealing with. The story Bones gave to me is that he asked her to move in before he and I started being friendly. He wanted to help her manage her money, which she reportedly has a good deal of because of not one, but two good jobs. After getting to know me better, he claimed he told his previous woman he was no longer interested, and they couldn't be friends because he met someone else he was interested in. But whenever I was over there, there were traces of a woman being there. These articles of clothing and hygienic products were never removed, boxed up, kicked into the closet, covered up, or anything. They just remained as if I never noticed them or brought them to Bones' attention. Well, in our conversation, he finally reveals that the woman was still living there. She just works a lot, so she wasn't being seen because she wasn't coming to the house when I was there.

Bones concludes, "So it'll be hard for you and I to spend time together since she lost one of her jobs. She has no where else to go." Blah. Blah. Mothereffing Blah. More bullisht that doesn't make sense because it wasn't that damn complicated and hard to spend time only days before.

On top of that, the only thing I got from him was a "Happy Birthday" call. I think we might have gone out for my birthday, but he was out of town on vacation (so he claims). He gets back into town, and I get nothing. Over two weeks later, and nothing to recognize my 30th. (Hmm....I didn't even get some cute trinket from his trip, and I never saw pics from the family reunion.) In a way, I feel like I played myself for seeing him and getting nothing when he gets back because I believe I saw him twice after he returned; I didn't have to return after the first visit. I wasn't looking for some gargantuan display of flowers or a tennis bracelet. I just wanted a genuine token of affection or something that shows that the guy I'm interested in is thankful that God saw fit to give me life and then have the two of us cross paths. A birthday card, a gift card, or a simple tulip would have meant something to me. But I got plenty of calls and text messages on my birthday. Therefore, the guy that I'm interested in should be able to step it up and get me something nice. Something special from him that shows that I am definitely special to him.

But that didn't happen. Then, you combine the issue with that other woman (or would that be my title? I'on'know.), and I've been fed a bunch of bull. Three months of bull from the guy that I gave a second chance to, and it all ends in a wack call where all my intuition is confirmed.

He honestly just wasn't that into me. He put on a decent act with it, but I still had suspicions. I don't know what the truth is about the entire matter, but I do know that Bones punked out on me. The easier road was to tell Sunshyne that we should just be friends. Not to deal with the uncomfortable sensation of telling someone that it's completely over. It's just more comfortable to drop the person that you have ridiculous chemistry with. Even as I type this entry, I still don't get what's going on in his head. I think I can read his heart pretty well: he was playing a game. That was what I was thinking for a minute, but it felt so real for so long. It was really special because it was the second time around for us. I was convinced that he couldn't be playing around. This is real.

But he seemed to have a lack of respect for me, and I love myself way more than I like him. Therefore, I can't tolerate such disrespect for my emotions, my concerns, and my being so ready to trust him. That just ain't right, especially when I know I deserve the best.

So, here comes some serious reflection on what went wrong, what could I have done better, what shouldn't I have done at all, and most importantly, what can I do to avoid this situation in the future? I have had a bad habit of not reflecting back, but I'm 30, and this nonsense cannot continue forever. I don't want to be stuck on the idea that love isn't for me. I am too optimistic to stick to the infuriating idea that I can't trust anyone and that the 2' thick brick wall that I'm reconstructing needs to stay up forever. I'll peek through that wall if someone is interested, but I have to be even more careful who I open up to. If I open up, then I have to play the gave carefully to avoid going through the same cycle of bullisht.

Amazingly, my horoscope in the AJC by Jeraldine Saunders on this past Sunday (8/5/07) kinda predicted this. Well, I figured me and Bones being on the outs was just a moment in time, but maybe I didn't let enough time pass by for the horoscope's sage advice:

You might be in the mood for love.

But love might not be in the mood for you

over the next several days.

Tap into creative outlets and hobbies for the best success.

Don't be overly critical of yourself.

When I reflect on that horoscope, my mind is like a Parker Brothers board game: Boggled. I saw it coming and read it clearly knowing that the horoscope was da truth. The horoscope is not a regular part of my Sunday paper reading, so having every word of a horoscope apply to my situation should've been a clue. Honestly, I thought enough time had passed since Sunday, but four days was not enough.

Now, I have to use the last two lines to get through this all. I'm blogging now to tap into my creativity and good use of time. I can't allow my mind to idle and become the Devil's playground, where reminiscing on the good times and incessant questions of why and when about the Bones' behavior pop into my mind over and over. Then, I might be driven to make a poor decision, like calling him for closure. I also need to stop beating myself up. I'm reading that I can be critical of the situation and evaluate myself, but I cannot allow all of the blame to lie with me. I might have been to ready to trust him quickly and begin to fall for him because we had chemistry, but it's not entirely my fault that he thought it was okay to continually disrespect me and my emotions and not find our friendship worthy of "fighting" for.

And that female guard with the gun by that wall? She's been promoted to protecting a 3' thick wall guarding my heart, and she's handily holding a Mossberg.

As I continue to reflect, one conclusion I've come to is I must play the game the way it's meant to be played. No straying from the Rules because I think this guy is different. He won't play me. Eff that. If I play this stupid game, then I might be able to land a reliable, trustworthy man. If I don't call the guy at all, then maybe he'll maintain his interest. In other words, I need that self-discipline that I'm sorely lacking in other areas. I need the discipline to not call a man, to not spend so much time with that man at his house, and to not sleep with him after quite a few weeks. Maybe he'll never get it until we're married. Hell, I sell toys meant to tide a girl over until the next romp in the sheets. I especially need the discipline to cut a guy from my life if he starts trying me for sex way too early in our acquaintance. Thinking and strategizing have been a part of my plans before, but sticking to the planned strategy will be necessary in the future because I don't plan on being an old maid.