I've never thought of calling anyone else sunshine besides myself. But that's what Bones has become for me: a regular dose of sunshine. I can't talk about him all the time, but his effect on me is felt all the time. His spirit, his laughter, his adoration, his handsome face, his touch...all of it makes me feel so warm and glowy on the inside. He doesn't like the pet name of sunshine, but it applies. I'm open to any super sweet suggestions.
Meantime, I can't wait until 6 PM today. No, it's not Bones. It's my new addiction, and it involves a new guy. He can work it like no other! I love to watch him "make it do what it do" as he inspires me and dozens of others every Thursday. My Step instructor, Kamick (prounounced Ka-meek), is deliriously off the chain! That Thursday Step class is filled with a whole slew of guys that I find to be sexy but untouchable - only because all of them are gay like Kamick. But that means I'm really at this location to handle business because I'm pretty confident that not a single guy in there is looking at me because they're all busy trying to get fine for each other. If that's their cup of tea, then they can sip all day. Just as long as I get to have my hour of beautiful torture with Kamick on the step, then it's copacetic.
...
I got to the gym late, but I was in luck because my homegirl, Ms. EastSider, decided to try out the class I had been raving about, and she set up a step for me. The only negative: the step was dead in the front of the class where people could easily see me not getting yet another complicated step. I missed out on stretching with the class, but I did stretch my lower back. There was a lot of the usual: hamstrings around the world (hamstring curls while rotating in four points around and across the step bench); knee repeaters; and L-step.
Of course, Kamick always has us doing stuff that only his seasoned vets know about, but you just have to endure this lovely frustration of not knowing and keep a smile on your face as you fight to pick up the moves. The funny part is that I wind up beating myself up for not being able to get some of the moves. Then, when I stop to wipe the waterfalls of sweat from my face, rest my muscles for 10 seconds, and catch my breath, I look around and find almost the whole room has stopped because Kamick has called out some wild combos that maybe 2 or 3 vets can keep up with.
But that's the sincere beauty of the class. It inspires you to do your best to keep up with the rest of the class and one day become one of the few vets that can keep with Kamick's combos. You don't want to drag down the rest of the class, so I wind up pushing myself harder and further to keep up. But you can't just keep up only one day of the week. That class actually motivates me to work out the rest of the week so I can get a natural high from working out in that class. My eating habits have to improve so I won't be taking this class in vain. After all the sweating and sore Fridays I've had since starting the class, I refuse to still be the big girl in class that can keep up. At some point, I have to use that DISCIPLINE to move forward and be a better but more svelte Sunshyne.
NOTE: Sunshyne will not remain the same big girl in her 30s that she was in her 20s. Mark my words.
7.19.2007
7.13.2007
Patience is a virtue...so I've heard
That "Epiphany" post is probably going to be one of my top 10 posts ever, but it appears I set a false alarm. I've never claimed that I was a master at that virtue of patience.
It had been a while, but Bones and I finally talked. Please believe that things didn't just pick up exactly where they left on the 4th. Conversation was very slow although Bones was happy to be talking to me. He seemed oblivioius to the situation, but what man isn't? Then I remember the idea that a man is not a mind reader, so I had to spell it out for him.
"What did I do to you to make you not call?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" he answered with another question. "I was gonna ask you the same thing. You didn't do anything to me. You're too nice of a person. Did I do anything to you?"
Innocently, I answer, "No. I didn't think you did. But I was starting to think you were having second thoughts about me even though you brought me around one of your daughters."
Bones replies, "Well, I had the same thoughts. You brought your sister-in-law, y'all started talking after y'all left. Maybe you changed your mind after that. Don't you think I get to thinking about us, too?"
But the cool thing about this Chick was she was referred to me by Bones. When she gave the name for the referral, I said, "Bones? Who is Bones?" Chick says, "You know Mr. Bones. He works at the hospital. He's a supervisor...."
Lightbulb! "I remember Bones! I haven't talked to him in ages. Tell him I'd still spank that behind in dominoes when he's ready."
Somewhere along the way, Bones calls me, we talk, and we eventually meet up for a game of dominoes. He beat me in a game with double 15s, but we both obviously enjoyed each other's company. The rest is history that has yet to be written. However (my favorite word of the moment), I shared something that I recognized about him: he's a dude that doesn't like to call. He loves hanging out in person, but he's just not a phone person. Therefore, he could easily disappear and leave me hanging. That concept drives me crazy, but our tense conversation led to the beginning of us both putting in more work towards our friendship.
I'm pretty much left with trying to determine if he is really in this friendship with me because he wants something serious or if he just wants to get physical with the young woman. I have to wonder because he is quite a bit older than me - he just doesn't look or act his age. So, my eyes are open, and I'm hoping I can completely open my heart to him slowly and in due time.
It had been a while, but Bones and I finally talked. Please believe that things didn't just pick up exactly where they left on the 4th. Conversation was very slow although Bones was happy to be talking to me. He seemed oblivioius to the situation, but what man isn't? Then I remember the idea that a man is not a mind reader, so I had to spell it out for him.
"What did I do to you to make you not call?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" he answered with another question. "I was gonna ask you the same thing. You didn't do anything to me. You're too nice of a person. Did I do anything to you?"
Innocently, I answer, "No. I didn't think you did. But I was starting to think you were having second thoughts about me even though you brought me around one of your daughters."
Bones replies, "Well, I had the same thoughts. You brought your sister-in-law, y'all started talking after y'all left. Maybe you changed your mind after that. Don't you think I get to thinking about us, too?"
Well, damn, I thought to myself. That led to a tense conversation where I had to provide some background. This is my second time around the block with Bones. The first time around...I couldn't stand him. We did not click at all. Terrible. It seemed like he disagreed with everything I said just for the sake of disagreeing. Eventually, we lost touch and moved on with our lives.
Then, in May '07, I get a random call from a chick wanting to have a Slumber Party at the last minute. Specifically, this chick wanted a fly bachelorette party on a Saturday, and she was calling on a Thursday - like she didn't know that a bachelorette party wouldn't be coming up on the Saturday before the wedding. Like someone really called her up and said, "Hey! I'm getting married this Saturday. Throw me a bachelorette party!" Great Slumber Parties take time, and 48 hours is not a good time to plan a hot girls night out. Good thing I already had a party booked, and the chick was passed off to another distributor. With only 48 hours notice, the distributor I passed it to could only provide a decent girls night out. Then again, Chick actually had the most bootleg ideas ever for her party.But the cool thing about this Chick was she was referred to me by Bones. When she gave the name for the referral, I said, "Bones? Who is Bones?" Chick says, "You know Mr. Bones. He works at the hospital. He's a supervisor...."
Lightbulb! "I remember Bones! I haven't talked to him in ages. Tell him I'd still spank that behind in dominoes when he's ready."
Somewhere along the way, Bones calls me, we talk, and we eventually meet up for a game of dominoes. He beat me in a game with double 15s, but we both obviously enjoyed each other's company. The rest is history that has yet to be written. However (my favorite word of the moment), I shared something that I recognized about him: he's a dude that doesn't like to call. He loves hanging out in person, but he's just not a phone person. Therefore, he could easily disappear and leave me hanging. That concept drives me crazy, but our tense conversation led to the beginning of us both putting in more work towards our friendship.
I'm pretty much left with trying to determine if he is really in this friendship with me because he wants something serious or if he just wants to get physical with the young woman. I have to wonder because he is quite a bit older than me - he just doesn't look or act his age. So, my eyes are open, and I'm hoping I can completely open my heart to him slowly and in due time.
7.10.2007
Epiphany
I'm trying to be a cool employee while I'm still here. I don't know exactly when my time here will end and my time in a big rig begins, so I better be a team player in the meantime. Not so much that I look like I'm brown-nosing, but some of y'all know the happy medium. So, when I get e-mail about volunteering for a project about our company's website, I go for it. How hard can it be? I won't go into details because I try to be as professional as possible (although I'm wearing jogging pants and a sorority tee as I type), but it's quite easy and would make me look good just for volunteering for a mundane task.
At 3 PM, I have to attend the meeting with Yoga Guy. From what I hear, he's a biz wiz, but he's also a master yoga instructor. Yoga Guy must be for real because he's always so calm and serene in Lunch and Learn meetings when telling our small group how our company has the best product in our field. Let the VP of Sales tell the same deal to the same people, and you'd think he was earning the commission of a lifetime. All of Yoga Guy's serenity makes me think of Mr. Rogers without the cardigan and trolley. So, I enter his sweatbox of an office where I can imagine him in various yoga positions throughout the day as he takes advantage of the heat. He calls in the head IT person to help explain my part of the project. It's crystal clear what I'm doing.
Then, IT guy and Yoga Guy get into some other "meta" talk. HTML content appears on the screen, Yoga Guy starts highlighting, and I can literally hear Beavis saying, "Words, words, words, words...." This means nothing to me, so I start to check out of the meeting from my seat.
My mind miraculously flitters to Bones. My heart didn't start thinking of how much I like him or how I rank him about a 7 in the face. As most minds tend to do during the day, my reverie settled on the last time we touched in a special way. There was no sex because it's too early for that. But there's something my older gentleman friend does to me, coupled with the personality chemistry, that makes me even more sensitive to his touches, kisses, licks, and whatever else he can come up with. The last time we got together, I got down to my unmentionables, and he got me to writhing in pleasure, cooing in ectasy, and tugging at the bed linens. Bones surprisingly drove me over the edge when he bit my inner thigh coupled with two other moves at the same time. My first real orgasm without taking off my underwear or having one of God's masterpieces inside of me or all over and around my "flower".
The only thing that made sense at the time was to return the favor to Bones. Nibbling on ears, kissing and sucking on his neck, caressing his nipples and all over his chocolate legs. My hands found a hot spot that was not standing at attention, so I worked that spot so I could blow his mind while avoiding the label of being a tease. The power and pleasure that I felt when Bones was breathing hard, then loudly moaning, then almost screaming made me work that much more at pleasing him.
While I returned to nibble and lick all over his ear again, Bones suddenly could speak English again. "What do you want from me?" he panted out.
Without thinking of games or his impression of me, I immediately gave him the truest and simplest answer in a breathy whisper: "You."
This seemed to take him to a new point, and it drove me even more at devising new variations of attacking Bones with my hands and mouth. It wasn't long before he was at an ecstatic point like I had been. We cuddled together, whispered a few more thoughts, and drifted to sleep. I awoke in the morning, and finally parted ways with the new skip in my heartbeat.
In the middle of the reverie in Yoga Guy's office, I had a half-second of clarity. That breathy answer of "You" might have been the tip of the iceberg that potentally did in a budding relationship. I came to that realization based on what I read in the book: "Men like mystery. You can't give away too much too soon, physically, emotionally, or otherwise." I gave him my honest heartfelt answer after a few weeks of good times together, not a mysteriously seductive answer like, "Wouldn't you like to know what I want from you?" I could hear such a cool response coming from me, and my imagination rewarded me with the possible sound of Bones going crazy over not knowing what was going on but already knowing he wanted to keep working to get to the bottom of it. My simple answer of "You" had already removed a lot of necessity to work hard because he already had me panting for him because he already knew I was ready for him. Already. Probably ahead of what someone might consider a normal timefram. Probably too fast for his age group (um...45 - 60; not 59 and a 1/2, but I'm not saying). Nowhere close to cool and composed because my heart was completely accessible to him with some effort but not all of the effort that books and real conversations with men would lead to believe that an interested man requires.
By the time I blinked out of my moment of reflection, I felt numb. I didn't hear the rest of the "meta" talk. I just heard, "Damn."
Even as I'm typing, I'm still hearing, "Damn," because I still like Bones. However, after 6 days without an acknowledgement from him, I have to allow myself to feel the pain of his absence and the silent rejection. Interestingly, I received two calls in two days from two guys (including Nutcase) I don't give a damn about, so those calls don't relieve any of the pain. It's odd feeling this much emotion for someone I was not officially involved with, but it is what it is. Damn.
So, I have to be one of those girls in the advice books that I aspire to be. Recognize the hurt, shed a tear, and keep moving. Lastly, I'm keeping the advice of my late cousin, DeWayne, in mind: If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, don't worry about it. Just keep moving without focusing on him, worrying about him, or daring to call him. I still remember those words from the last conversation I had with him, so I'll keep those words close to me. Those words are closer than Bones' phone numbers because those have been deleted from the phone. I'm not calling.
Epiphany indeed.
My mind miraculously flitters to Bones. My heart didn't start thinking of how much I like him or how I rank him about a 7 in the face. As most minds tend to do during the day, my reverie settled on the last time we touched in a special way. There was no sex because it's too early for that. But there's something my older gentleman friend does to me, coupled with the personality chemistry, that makes me even more sensitive to his touches, kisses, licks, and whatever else he can come up with. The last time we got together, I got down to my unmentionables, and he got me to writhing in pleasure, cooing in ectasy, and tugging at the bed linens. Bones surprisingly drove me over the edge when he bit my inner thigh coupled with two other moves at the same time. My first real orgasm without taking off my underwear or having one of God's masterpieces inside of me or all over and around my "flower".
The only thing that made sense at the time was to return the favor to Bones. Nibbling on ears, kissing and sucking on his neck, caressing his nipples and all over his chocolate legs. My hands found a hot spot that was not standing at attention, so I worked that spot so I could blow his mind while avoiding the label of being a tease. The power and pleasure that I felt when Bones was breathing hard, then loudly moaning, then almost screaming made me work that much more at pleasing him.
While I returned to nibble and lick all over his ear again, Bones suddenly could speak English again. "What do you want from me?" he panted out.
Without thinking of games or his impression of me, I immediately gave him the truest and simplest answer in a breathy whisper: "You."
This seemed to take him to a new point, and it drove me even more at devising new variations of attacking Bones with my hands and mouth. It wasn't long before he was at an ecstatic point like I had been. We cuddled together, whispered a few more thoughts, and drifted to sleep. I awoke in the morning, and finally parted ways with the new skip in my heartbeat.
In the middle of the reverie in Yoga Guy's office, I had a half-second of clarity. That breathy answer of "You" might have been the tip of the iceberg that potentally did in a budding relationship. I came to that realization based on what I read in the book: "Men like mystery. You can't give away too much too soon, physically, emotionally, or otherwise." I gave him my honest heartfelt answer after a few weeks of good times together, not a mysteriously seductive answer like, "Wouldn't you like to know what I want from you?" I could hear such a cool response coming from me, and my imagination rewarded me with the possible sound of Bones going crazy over not knowing what was going on but already knowing he wanted to keep working to get to the bottom of it. My simple answer of "You" had already removed a lot of necessity to work hard because he already had me panting for him because he already knew I was ready for him. Already. Probably ahead of what someone might consider a normal timefram. Probably too fast for his age group (um...45 - 60; not 59 and a 1/2, but I'm not saying). Nowhere close to cool and composed because my heart was completely accessible to him with some effort but not all of the effort that books and real conversations with men would lead to believe that an interested man requires.
By the time I blinked out of my moment of reflection, I felt numb. I didn't hear the rest of the "meta" talk. I just heard, "Damn."
Even as I'm typing, I'm still hearing, "Damn," because I still like Bones. However, after 6 days without an acknowledgement from him, I have to allow myself to feel the pain of his absence and the silent rejection. Interestingly, I received two calls in two days from two guys (including Nutcase) I don't give a damn about, so those calls don't relieve any of the pain. It's odd feeling this much emotion for someone I was not officially involved with, but it is what it is. Damn.
So, I have to be one of those girls in the advice books that I aspire to be. Recognize the hurt, shed a tear, and keep moving. Lastly, I'm keeping the advice of my late cousin, DeWayne, in mind: If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, don't worry about it. Just keep moving without focusing on him, worrying about him, or daring to call him. I still remember those words from the last conversation I had with him, so I'll keep those words close to me. Those words are closer than Bones' phone numbers because those have been deleted from the phone. I'm not calling.
Epiphany indeed.
7.08.2007
He's on my mind when I open my eyes. I have to remember to thank God for waking me up again because He didn't have to wake me up, and then my mind goes back to him. Each day of the past week, I've thought of my friend, "Bones" the domino player, extensively. I got to see him three times last week, and it was delicious. I replay our conversations, cuddles, and kisses because they're all so..."cracktacular". Yes, everything I'm experiencing about my recently resurrected friend is that addictive and enjoyable for me. Anything different from what I endured with that big nosed Sam should be orgasmic.
Of course, there has to be complications. What would a "love life" be without complications? The one complication that is really messing with me is how Bones is already playing that same game that a lot of guys play, whether intentional or not. I haven't seen or heard from him since the 4th of July when we saw a beautiful fireworks display. I had some family with me, and he had family and friends in his entourage, but we managed to cuddle together on his blanket as I oohed and awwed at the specatacular. I usually act like I'm 10 when there are pyrotechnics in the sky...not the neighborhood variety, but the professional ones. We regrettably had to part ways, but we shared a nice hug. Haven't heard from him since.
Now, I find myself consumed with two books that are proving to provide glorious advice to eager and anxious women like me. The basic idea that I'm embracing is "Don't call him; let him call you." What I'm hoping is the reason my friend isn't calling is because "He doesn't want to appear weak by being to eager to call. He's hoping to maintain control in the situation." Maybe.... But does it really have to take 4 days to maintain that self-control? Two days oughta do it. Hell, the way I see it, you're never weak if you reach out to the woman who makes you smile and laugh more easily than you have in sometime. But that's my warped female's logic.
I just have to wait it out because there's no way I'm calling him based on the history with Bones (more on that later). The next time he does call, I'll have to play the game with him. He'll call; I won't act mad that he hasn't called for several days; the conversation will last 5 -10 minutes; and I'll end the conversation with, "Thanks for calling, but I've got a lot going on over here. Can we talk later?" Would he really say no? He better not. So, the call would end on my terms, and he wouldn't hear from me again for several days. If I can wait, so can he, right?
The sad thing: I honestly don't like playing "the game". If you like someone, then just put yourself out there to get to know them, get closer, and hopefully develop something real. You can exercise some self-preservation (I hate that phrase) in the beginning because it's natural to keep your guard up. But how can you set up your guard against someone when you don't take the time to talk to them or spend time with them? Frankly, my guard is not just a wall; I have a woman in uniform with her shooting hand gently poised on her gun holster just waiting for the cue. She's calm and easy-going for now because the boss doesn't want things to go immediately to being messy, but the guard is cocked and loaded if there's some mess ahead.
Of course, there has to be complications. What would a "love life" be without complications? The one complication that is really messing with me is how Bones is already playing that same game that a lot of guys play, whether intentional or not. I haven't seen or heard from him since the 4th of July when we saw a beautiful fireworks display. I had some family with me, and he had family and friends in his entourage, but we managed to cuddle together on his blanket as I oohed and awwed at the specatacular. I usually act like I'm 10 when there are pyrotechnics in the sky...not the neighborhood variety, but the professional ones. We regrettably had to part ways, but we shared a nice hug. Haven't heard from him since.
Now, I find myself consumed with two books that are proving to provide glorious advice to eager and anxious women like me. The basic idea that I'm embracing is "Don't call him; let him call you." What I'm hoping is the reason my friend isn't calling is because "He doesn't want to appear weak by being to eager to call. He's hoping to maintain control in the situation." Maybe.... But does it really have to take 4 days to maintain that self-control? Two days oughta do it. Hell, the way I see it, you're never weak if you reach out to the woman who makes you smile and laugh more easily than you have in sometime. But that's my warped female's logic.
I just have to wait it out because there's no way I'm calling him based on the history with Bones (more on that later). The next time he does call, I'll have to play the game with him. He'll call; I won't act mad that he hasn't called for several days; the conversation will last 5 -10 minutes; and I'll end the conversation with, "Thanks for calling, but I've got a lot going on over here. Can we talk later?" Would he really say no? He better not. So, the call would end on my terms, and he wouldn't hear from me again for several days. If I can wait, so can he, right?
The sad thing: I honestly don't like playing "the game". If you like someone, then just put yourself out there to get to know them, get closer, and hopefully develop something real. You can exercise some self-preservation (I hate that phrase) in the beginning because it's natural to keep your guard up. But how can you set up your guard against someone when you don't take the time to talk to them or spend time with them? Frankly, my guard is not just a wall; I have a woman in uniform with her shooting hand gently poised on her gun holster just waiting for the cue. She's calm and easy-going for now because the boss doesn't want things to go immediately to being messy, but the guard is cocked and loaded if there's some mess ahead.
6.21.2007
Proud of my progress
There was something in my personal inbox at work. Not completely unusual, but I was intrigued. I went to the inbox, and the preview screen immediately showed all of this pretty writing with a pretty background. It's not like it was an evite to a hot event, but I was still intrigued. When the full document opened, it showed me various ice cream images. I read the writing a little closer and saw the fuschia doom my company just brought to me: "An Afternoon Ice Cream Social". Today at 3 PM.
WTH??? You've got to be kidding me. I just started being a good girl again trying to refocus my workout habits and eating habits. My lunch bag was full of healty sandwiches (just two) with lettuce, tomato, onion, and 2% pepperjack cheese (at least twice the price of the Kroger brand regular cheese). Sista trying to progress, and you want to reward the company with an ice cream social? Damn.
What to do? Ice cream is a very special treat, and it was free, too??? Are you serious?
Well, goody for your girl. I watched the clock approach 3 PM. That's when all of the IT guys (ok, there's that Indian chick over there, too, but she's a sweetheart) got excited and jumped up for ice cream. Everyone was so excited about this treat. It was almost like an end of year party in a second grade classrom, except we were in one of the conference rooms. All kinds of quarts of Edy's, Breyers, and Mayfield jsut waiting on people to dive in.
"Come on in! I'm not waiting to serve you," our office manager prompted. I only shook my head and walked away. But I didn't want to feel completely left out of the fun. After all, even the suavest dude in the IT department was running around like a giddy kid because of that frozen treat. I had to have a peice of the euphoria. So I kindly took myself to the kitchen, got my sugar-free (Splenda made from sucralose cuz I done told y'all about that damn aspartame) Mint Chocolate Jell-O pudding cup, and walked into the conference room to confront my current devil. Cookies and Cream, Butter Pecan, Moose Tracks, plain old creamy delicious Vanilla, and more. But yo' girl was really on point because I just walked in, got a plastic spoon, and walked out.
Could I top that? Some people went back for seconds meaning there was more left. I even sat facing three others eating ice cream in my face. But I happily ate my pudding while they enthusiastically pigged out on their ice cream. Yay for me!
Even cooler than that: there was still left over ice cream on Wednesday and Thursday, and I never touched it. Never even looked for it. Why? Because it's about damn time I show some discipline. There's so much out there that I want, but I can't have it if I want to continue to eat any old kind of way. Ice cream cannot be eaten just because it's being offered. Strength, courage, and wisdom have to play a role somewhere in my life, and my fitness goals would be a great place to start. If I can maintain that kind of discipline, who knows what else I can do in other areas?
So a big middle finger goes to Edy's for their rich and creamy Cookies and Cream because I didn't eat any on Tuesday. I'll pull back that finger when I get down to another size.
WTH??? You've got to be kidding me. I just started being a good girl again trying to refocus my workout habits and eating habits. My lunch bag was full of healty sandwiches (just two) with lettuce, tomato, onion, and 2% pepperjack cheese (at least twice the price of the Kroger brand regular cheese). Sista trying to progress, and you want to reward the company with an ice cream social? Damn.
What to do? Ice cream is a very special treat, and it was free, too??? Are you serious?
Well, goody for your girl. I watched the clock approach 3 PM. That's when all of the IT guys (ok, there's that Indian chick over there, too, but she's a sweetheart) got excited and jumped up for ice cream. Everyone was so excited about this treat. It was almost like an end of year party in a second grade classrom, except we were in one of the conference rooms. All kinds of quarts of Edy's, Breyers, and Mayfield jsut waiting on people to dive in.
"Come on in! I'm not waiting to serve you," our office manager prompted. I only shook my head and walked away. But I didn't want to feel completely left out of the fun. After all, even the suavest dude in the IT department was running around like a giddy kid because of that frozen treat. I had to have a peice of the euphoria. So I kindly took myself to the kitchen, got my sugar-free (Splenda made from sucralose cuz I done told y'all about that damn aspartame) Mint Chocolate Jell-O pudding cup, and walked into the conference room to confront my current devil. Cookies and Cream, Butter Pecan, Moose Tracks, plain old creamy delicious Vanilla, and more. But yo' girl was really on point because I just walked in, got a plastic spoon, and walked out.
Could I top that? Some people went back for seconds meaning there was more left. I even sat facing three others eating ice cream in my face. But I happily ate my pudding while they enthusiastically pigged out on their ice cream. Yay for me!
Even cooler than that: there was still left over ice cream on Wednesday and Thursday, and I never touched it. Never even looked for it. Why? Because it's about damn time I show some discipline. There's so much out there that I want, but I can't have it if I want to continue to eat any old kind of way. Ice cream cannot be eaten just because it's being offered. Strength, courage, and wisdom have to play a role somewhere in my life, and my fitness goals would be a great place to start. If I can maintain that kind of discipline, who knows what else I can do in other areas?
So a big middle finger goes to Edy's for their rich and creamy Cookies and Cream because I didn't eat any on Tuesday. I'll pull back that finger when I get down to another size.
6.18.2007
Finish the sentence!
Finish the sentence:
1. My ex:
really was the last guy who was a "friend" that wanted to become my "man", but it never materialized. He taught me to be careful who you wind up calling your friend.
2. I am listening to:
inane chatter from my job.
3. Maybe I should:
seriously concentrate on getting that CDL so I can get to driving those 18-wheelers. Before I do that, gotta concentrate on losing weight.
4. I love:
God, my family, my friends, my soRHOrity (don't hate), myself
5. My best friend[s]:
is a crazy chica. So crazy that I'm using crimson just for her. I love that girl to pieces!
6. I don't understand:
this dumb "stop snitching" phenomenon. WTH? So if your best friend is killed in front of you, and his/her family is left without their rock, you won't say anything because you're coooperating with the cops? So you're scared to lose your clout with the other fools? You look more like a punk for not doing the right thing despite what others think. That's why I have no respect for Busta Rhymes.
7. I lose:
patience with idiots. Just take 5 seconds to read, think for yourself, or listen. That isht ain't that hard.
8. The meaning of my screen name is:
I've always been natural born sunshyne. Such a lovely girl. But, there's been a change in that girl, and that woman named sunshyne that will show you love will also burn yo' ass in a minute. Just gimme one good reason.... Just cross me one good time....
9. Love is:
knowing the balance between being selfless and a self-conservationist.
10. Somewhere, someone is:
already plotting how they'll claim a sick day for the 4th of July.
11. I will always:
look younger than my years (as long as I'm sticking with good clean living). What can I say; I have great genes!
12. Forever seems:
like the workday.....
13. I never want to:
get gastric bypass or liposuction. Ride with someone who is drunk off their ass.
14. My cell phone is:
a basic means of communication but BlueTooth compatible. :D
15. When I wake up in the morning:
I use my foot to reset the snooze on the alarm to catch a few more winks. I really want to wake up at least 2X a week for an early workout, but I gotta jet out of the house by 7:30 at the absolute latest. :(
16. I get annoyed when:
there are fraudulent people or persons with dirty business ethics around me. also, why didn't you take the time to look and see that you were ashy before leaving the house???
17. Parties are:
best at the house, especially when they're rare, not often.
18. My Dog is:
a runaway b****. She actually ran away once and was gone for 12 days (according to my dad). She ran away again and was gone for 4 days this time. She'll never see the front yard without a leash again.
19. Kisses are the worst when:
one party is a smoker.
20. Today I:
bought a sports bra at Target and got in touch with a friend from HS so I could support his frat's function.
21. Tonight I will:
order some stuff on the Internets, go work out, and fix my lunch for tommorrow. Not too much hanging on a Monday.
22. Tomorrow I will:
probably call someone I haven't talked to in a while, workout again, make more lunch, and get ready for Wednesday. Dang.
23. I really want:
to win the lottery and see world peace. Besides that, I need focus and concentration on all of my goals. Tomorrow is not promised, so I need to make the most of today, everyday.
1. My ex:
really was the last guy who was a "friend" that wanted to become my "man", but it never materialized. He taught me to be careful who you wind up calling your friend.
2. I am listening to:
inane chatter from my job.
3. Maybe I should:
seriously concentrate on getting that CDL so I can get to driving those 18-wheelers. Before I do that, gotta concentrate on losing weight.
4. I love:
God, my family, my friends, my soRHOrity (don't hate), myself
5. My best friend[s]:
is a crazy chica. So crazy that I'm using crimson just for her. I love that girl to pieces!
6. I don't understand:
this dumb "stop snitching" phenomenon. WTH? So if your best friend is killed in front of you, and his/her family is left without their rock, you won't say anything because you're coooperating with the cops? So you're scared to lose your clout with the other fools? You look more like a punk for not doing the right thing despite what others think. That's why I have no respect for Busta Rhymes.
7. I lose:
patience with idiots. Just take 5 seconds to read, think for yourself, or listen. That isht ain't that hard.
8. The meaning of my screen name is:
I've always been natural born sunshyne. Such a lovely girl. But, there's been a change in that girl, and that woman named sunshyne that will show you love will also burn yo' ass in a minute. Just gimme one good reason.... Just cross me one good time....
9. Love is:
knowing the balance between being selfless and a self-conservationist.
10. Somewhere, someone is:
already plotting how they'll claim a sick day for the 4th of July.
11. I will always:
look younger than my years (as long as I'm sticking with good clean living). What can I say; I have great genes!
12. Forever seems:
like the workday.....
13. I never want to:
get gastric bypass or liposuction. Ride with someone who is drunk off their ass.
14. My cell phone is:
a basic means of communication but BlueTooth compatible. :D
15. When I wake up in the morning:
I use my foot to reset the snooze on the alarm to catch a few more winks. I really want to wake up at least 2X a week for an early workout, but I gotta jet out of the house by 7:30 at the absolute latest. :(
16. I get annoyed when:
there are fraudulent people or persons with dirty business ethics around me. also, why didn't you take the time to look and see that you were ashy before leaving the house???
17. Parties are:
best at the house, especially when they're rare, not often.
18. My Dog is:
a runaway b****. She actually ran away once and was gone for 12 days (according to my dad). She ran away again and was gone for 4 days this time. She'll never see the front yard without a leash again.
19. Kisses are the worst when:
one party is a smoker.
20. Today I:
bought a sports bra at Target and got in touch with a friend from HS so I could support his frat's function.
21. Tonight I will:
order some stuff on the Internets, go work out, and fix my lunch for tommorrow. Not too much hanging on a Monday.
22. Tomorrow I will:
probably call someone I haven't talked to in a while, workout again, make more lunch, and get ready for Wednesday. Dang.
23. I really want:
to win the lottery and see world peace. Besides that, I need focus and concentration on all of my goals. Tomorrow is not promised, so I need to make the most of today, everyday.
6.13.2007
Aspartame is the devil!
Y'all know that the cute artificial sweetner, Equal, is mostly comprised of aspartame, right? I knew about the harm in saccharin. Sweet N Low has never tasted right to me, and I will not use it. If that (or a low budget version) is the only sweetner available, then I won't have coffee or tea that day.
But Equal in the cute blue packet??? I still can't believe it's so bad for you, but I've done my research. Type an Internet search with a phrase like "equal + cancer" or "splenda is bad for you". There's all kind of research out there about Equal; I can't speak on Splenda. I can confirm that I've given up artificial sweeteners. I'd rather take the 15 calories per teaspoon than the harm.
What harm? Well, Equal was proven to give cancer to lab rats. Sprinkle a little Equal on an ant hill, and the ants will be dead. On a personal level, my head is really banging. Badly. I just happened to have some fat free yogurt. The first taste was so off the chain! I really thought I was tasting Wild Berry Crumb Cake. "Could this really be fat free for real?" I thought. "Hot damn!"
So, I had no choice but to read the label and see if this berrylicious creamy wonder with the taste of cake in it was really fat free. Oh, it's fat free alright with aspartame. Granted, aspartame is the last ingredient, and traditionally, the further down the list of ingredients an item, the less of the ingredient you will find in the food. However, I got a bad headache after the first bite. The headache is still lingering 60 minutes later. I had to rinse the rest of it down the drain.
Such drama after a healthy start to my day! Sort of... I woke up at 4:55 AM to hear my dog barking like crazy. This time, she wasn't crazy after all; the sensor light had come on. I used my left hand to open the kitchen door because the biggest butcher knife I could use for self-defense was tightly gripped in my right hand. No one could be seen. So, I locked the house back up and put the knife in place. About 10 minutes later, Sharmay is barking like crazy again, and the sensor light is shining again. I open the door, and Sharmay is still barking like she's cussing somebody out.
Rather than me chase down a possible radio thief (wouldn't be the first time someone tried to break into my car), I opened the gate and let Sharmay run into the front yard to bite a chunk outta somebody. Well, everything was quiet when I got to see the entire front, and my dog was staring at a stray. Just staring like she was saying, "Try me."
But I know my dog has runaway tendancies. I called her name. She crossed the street. I called her again while giving the command, "Backyard!" That set her off barking down the street after this dog that was at least 3 times her little ass size. Haven't seen that bitch since.
After a ride in my car whistling out in the cool 5 AM air, I said, "F*** it," and got dressed out to go for a walk. I hadn't really been working out successfully since we started commuting our new office about 50 - 70 minutes from my residence. I got the MP3 and starting pumping my arms to OutKast while the sun was rising on a new day. I actually had the nerve to insert three one-minute jogs while I walked. That's was a sweaty mess, but I needed the sweat. It felt good to jog for at least one minute while pushing myself. The next thing will be building up to 90 seconds instead of just 60.
So, see how my day started well, and now it's starting to go slightly downhill with this aspartame-induced headache. I won't let it stay downhill because I'm going to the gym for tonight's 8 PM Hip Hop class. I truly hate to miss it these days. There are some dancers in the class, but it's really all in fun and doing what you can to get fit. Period.
PS Marinate on this wonderful forward that my homegirl sent me.
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life.."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt in both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about. I just did.
NOTICE AT THE END, THE DATE THE CANDLE WAS STARTED. IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.
I am not going to be the one who lets it die. I found it believable -- angels have walked beside me all my life--and they still do. *********************This is to all of you who mean something to me,I pray for your happiness.
The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship
()
---
---
---
This candle was lit on the 15th of September, 1998. Someone who loves you has helped keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die!
Pass it one to all of your friends and everyone you love. May God richly bless you!
Please keep this candle alive
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
But Equal in the cute blue packet??? I still can't believe it's so bad for you, but I've done my research. Type an Internet search with a phrase like "equal + cancer" or "splenda is bad for you". There's all kind of research out there about Equal; I can't speak on Splenda. I can confirm that I've given up artificial sweeteners. I'd rather take the 15 calories per teaspoon than the harm.
What harm? Well, Equal was proven to give cancer to lab rats. Sprinkle a little Equal on an ant hill, and the ants will be dead. On a personal level, my head is really banging. Badly. I just happened to have some fat free yogurt. The first taste was so off the chain! I really thought I was tasting Wild Berry Crumb Cake. "Could this really be fat free for real?" I thought. "Hot damn!"
So, I had no choice but to read the label and see if this berrylicious creamy wonder with the taste of cake in it was really fat free. Oh, it's fat free alright with aspartame. Granted, aspartame is the last ingredient, and traditionally, the further down the list of ingredients an item, the less of the ingredient you will find in the food. However, I got a bad headache after the first bite. The headache is still lingering 60 minutes later. I had to rinse the rest of it down the drain.
Such drama after a healthy start to my day! Sort of... I woke up at 4:55 AM to hear my dog barking like crazy. This time, she wasn't crazy after all; the sensor light had come on. I used my left hand to open the kitchen door because the biggest butcher knife I could use for self-defense was tightly gripped in my right hand. No one could be seen. So, I locked the house back up and put the knife in place. About 10 minutes later, Sharmay is barking like crazy again, and the sensor light is shining again. I open the door, and Sharmay is still barking like she's cussing somebody out.
Rather than me chase down a possible radio thief (wouldn't be the first time someone tried to break into my car), I opened the gate and let Sharmay run into the front yard to bite a chunk outta somebody. Well, everything was quiet when I got to see the entire front, and my dog was staring at a stray. Just staring like she was saying, "Try me."
But I know my dog has runaway tendancies. I called her name. She crossed the street. I called her again while giving the command, "Backyard!" That set her off barking down the street after this dog that was at least 3 times her little ass size. Haven't seen that bitch since.
After a ride in my car whistling out in the cool 5 AM air, I said, "F*** it," and got dressed out to go for a walk. I hadn't really been working out successfully since we started commuting our new office about 50 - 70 minutes from my residence. I got the MP3 and starting pumping my arms to OutKast while the sun was rising on a new day. I actually had the nerve to insert three one-minute jogs while I walked. That's was a sweaty mess, but I needed the sweat. It felt good to jog for at least one minute while pushing myself. The next thing will be building up to 90 seconds instead of just 60.
So, see how my day started well, and now it's starting to go slightly downhill with this aspartame-induced headache. I won't let it stay downhill because I'm going to the gym for tonight's 8 PM Hip Hop class. I truly hate to miss it these days. There are some dancers in the class, but it's really all in fun and doing what you can to get fit. Period.
PS Marinate on this wonderful forward that my homegirl sent me.
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life.."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt in both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about. I just did.
NOTICE AT THE END, THE DATE THE CANDLE WAS STARTED. IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.
I am not going to be the one who lets it die. I found it believable -- angels have walked beside me all my life--and they still do. *********************This is to all of you who mean something to me,I pray for your happiness.
The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship
()
---
---
---
This candle was lit on the 15th of September, 1998. Someone who loves you has helped keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die!
Pass it one to all of your friends and everyone you love. May God richly bless you!
Please keep this candle alive
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
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