Yo momma is so skinny...

she can hoola hoop with a Froot Loop.

Mmmm...no. Not that funny. Not the kind of joke that I or my lil bro NOPI would use. He has this keen gift for connecting with kids (making him the best babysitter and uncle) and coming with cracks from out of nowhere. Just heelarious for no reason at all.

So, I'm more than excited that NOPI got a callback from the wonderful people at MTV. He has an audition for the Atlanta "Yo Momma"!!! It's about time he gets to showcase his gift. I would share a lot of the stuff he has said that makes my sides and face hurt as I try to catch my breath from laughing, but some competition might see it. I'll put it this way: he warns people to stop trying to snap - really "Jone"; we can say it but no one really knows how to spell it - or he'll hurt their feelings. They don't listen, he wears them out, then they either walk away silent, get mad, or the usual combination of both. The boy don't care if he hurts your feelings. Just ruthless. But guaranteed to make you laugh!

See, NOPI is one of the funniest people I know. A lot of my family members are funny, and plenty of NOPI's friends are funny, but NOPI is hands down the funniest dude period. One time when we were still living with our parents, I walked into NOPI's bedroom to use our bathroom. It had to be around 6 AM, and he had gotten off from work after 4 AM. He woke up and said something like, "Now you know you too big to try to sneak in here all quiet." Who the hell wakes up snapping??? Just NOPI. Our older brother would've been proud to see how heelarious NOPI has become.

Back when NOPI was just that irritating little brother we had to take everywhere, he was just a lame. We took up for him from time to time, but generally, he was left out there on his own. We left him out there all the time when he was really convinced that me and the older brother were Mom and Dad's only kids but he was adopted by Uncle Junebug. We used to tell him, "Uncle Junebug had too many at the time, and they just gave you up to Mom and Dad. They didn't have as many as Uncle Junebug so they could handle one more." The sad thing is he kinda takes after Uncle Junebug who takes after my Dad's father, but my Dad takes after his mother. That always explained the height and those slanted eyes. We would die laughing and he would be madder than a mother of 8 who got to the store at 6:02 pm on Christmas Eve to make the last layaway payment for Christmas gifts.

So, NOPI gradually learned how to take up for himself without having to fight all the time. He had his words that created way more sting than his fists and stomps would. As the years passed, NOPI was able to keep up with our older brother, and he even stung him a couple of times. By the time he graduated high school, he had been nominated as Class Clown but declined (more like he said, "Fuck y'all"). He was always up to something wild, crazy, stupid, childish, but plain funny.

I still remember him telling me how he met my 12th Grade English teacher, Mrs. McSwain. Just knowing you had her on your schedule shook many a senior. No one really joked with her, and she really wasn't known for being warm. She knew me quite well because I flunked her AP English class, but she taught me how to write the best papers ever, expecially with that paper on Tennessee Willliams' "The Glass Menagerie". I still cherish the 92 I earned on all 15 pages.

Eventually, Mrs. McSwain's career took her to becoming Assistant Principal of the other high school that my younger brother attended. So, five years after experiencing the intellectual and well-behaved joy of yours truly, Mrs. McSwain gets the surprise of her life when a chunky boy of average height, chinky eyes, and loud mouth goes barrelling down the hallway yelling at the top of his lungs with both arms outstretched touching the lockers...about 2 minutes after the late bell had rung.

Mrs. McSwain steps in front of him and looks down her nose through those glasses. "Young man, why are you doing this? What is your problem?"

NOPI just says with a shrug of his shoulders, "I 'on' know. Just felt like it. "

Mrs. McSwain's takes in a deep breath and has to ask, "Young man, what is your name."

"NOPI." He gives his last name, too. Mrs. McSwain processes this information and a light of recognition sparkles in her eyes. Confusion immediately follows.

"Wait a minute. I taught someone with that same name. Don't you have a sister named -"

He cuts her off, "Yeah. She's the nerd, and I'm the cut up. Nothing alike."

Mrs. McSwain asks in amazement, "She didn't rub off on you in anyway?"

NOPI just looks at her like she' just said "Crack is whack," and doesn't give her any words. He instead bangs on the lockers for several seconds with an insane fury while looking her dead in the eye. All McSwain could do was shake her head. She never liked my brother while he was there, and NOPI didn't give a frog's fat ass.

Now, he goes to work at night with all of the other dock workers at his trucking company. They're all well paid, and they do their job while snapping all night long. People try to get him, and they rarely do. He just talks trash and cracks people up from the time he clocks in until he leaves. NOPI then comes home and will tell me what he and his coworkers had to say and just what he told one of them to make them walk off or ride down the dock. Like the time he told the big lip dude that he and his wife eat dinner like a prisoner having visitation with glass separating them because she gets tired of being drowned and showered in his saliva and food chunks. That's only a small sliver of the genius that he crafts out of cracking on folks.

He's part of the reason I'm scared to have kids. If I had a little boy, I'd be terrified that he'd come out with those same chinky eyes that my brothers always use to find an opportunity to roast on anybody, anywhere, anytime. I'd go crazy with another NOPI around me. It would be fun, but I'd go crazy.

BTW, I'm predicting that he'll be the best in College Park. Maybe he'll win $1000 cash money, but I know he'll be the best in College Park. He can't help it. Damn fool, but I love him.