What song would describe your love life right now?

Mary J. Blige's "Enough Cryin" is part of my story. I can't relate to every single word, but I know that chorus is for me.

"Don't wanna Play house No more So dumb To think You gon' Marry me I got to be out My mind To
think I Need someone To carry me I've done enough Cryin', cryin', cryin' (Cryin', cryin', cryin') It's
time to say Bye, bye, bye It's time I Do something For me"

I keep dealing with these dummies, idiots, vile fools that do absolutely nothing for me except create heartache. I thought I was doing the right thing by being direct with my feelings, but that did nothing for me with the one I wanted or the one I thought that wanted me. Even the one that I thought wanted me disappeared for unknown reasons, and his name did not appear in the obituaries. (Yes, I took it there.) It's mindboggling, but I've decided to let all of these men just drift off, float away, or just die. I almost don't care what happens to them because I've done enough cryin', worryin', overanalyzin', attemptin' to ignore the circumstances, and lookin' for someone new. It does nothing for me. So fuck 'em. Fuck all of 'em.

Now, this doesn't mean that I wish ill on them. I just can't deal with them. I'm sure at least one guy out of all of them will try to return, call, whatever, and I'll soberly tell them to go away. None of the men who aren't related to me cannot be trusted or relied upon, so I don't want them to come back, even the one that I so dearly wanted. I'd love to say all men are jerks, ree-ree's, and whatever else I can come up with to characterize the drama they take women though, but that would make me sexist. One of my best friends is a lesbian, and one woman in particular has taken her through the ringer, too. So, be assured that I shall not be crossing over to the other side. There's no benefit in it, even if I was remotely attracted to the opposite sex. I might as well deal with the bullshit that I'm getting from the species that I can't live without. Well, I can for a while....

Life is too short, so I'm redirecting my mindset back to God. He's always there on time, no matter the circumstances, so I know I need to turn to The Word and doing what God needs me to do for Him...or maybe even for me.

Meanwhile, I still miss my cousin so much. The funeral was packed as I expected with friends and family from near and far. It was a lovely service that served as a wonderful testament to who DeWayne was. Just a beautiful human that I was blessed to know and love. I think about him a lot. I feel badly because I don't think of my older brother as much as I think of DeWayne. I loved my brother, but DeWayne and I had a lot of things in common, and hI got closer to him than I did to my brother. I hope that DeWayne's friends and family are still cherishing memories and using his life for some sort of inspiration. If someone was inspired to make those t-shirts with DeWayne's picture (they wore them to the funeral! Glad they're not my blood relation...yes, I'm bougie; so what?), then they should be inspired to do bigger and better things in some or all aspects of this life.

I'll be at LA Fitness the rest of this week, so I know I've been inspired.