You're still married, right?

Someone recently asked me why I don't write about being married. "You're a newlywed, so you should still be in your honeymoon period," s/he said. "Has he already started showing his ass?"

My mind had to soak up the inquiries and let those ideas marinate. This single person really seemed set on the idea that if my subject matter was not "all HUBBY, all the time!" that we must be unhappy already. Every word out of my mouth and on my blog was not about acquiring the new title of "wife" and ensuring that my mate kept the title "happy husband", so the must be problems rearing their aesthetically challenged heads, right?

*SIGHHHHHHHHHH*

Honestly, these have been the best 5 months and 3 weeks ever. Marrying hubby has been the best decision I ever made. He's really the sweetest, kindest man that I've ever known, but best believe that he's all man, not some punk. Granted, he's not perfect because we find that we disagree and have different viewpoints, but I would choose him again and again rather than go with someone I agree with 100%.

HOWEVER, my happiness in my marriage does not take over my life. My oldest sister and one of my favorite sorors both gave me a solid piece of advice before I married: "Don't lose who you are." I honestly live by that credo because it took me just about 30 years to figure out who I really am. Getting married at 30 1/2 years was not going to shatter that progress, and it still hasn't. My hubby has always loved me for my virtues and my perfect imperfections because I am always me. We make a life together, and we have fun.

However, I've seen too many episodes of talk shows where some sap (male or female) discusses their significant other and sheds tears as they say something along the lines of "S/He completes me." I've met men and women who actually exhibit signs that their man or woman really does complete their lives. BUT(!) as for moi, my marriage does not encompass my existence, and I refuse to become one of those wives that is identified solely by being married to a man. I have always had the point of view that any wo/man is a complement to a wo/man's life, not a goal toward completion.

So, the short version of the answer to why don't I talk marriage all day: "I don't want to bore myself or anyone else." I just can't bear the idea of me becoming one of those people that can't talk about themselves because they are consumed by their spouse, and now they're finally validated as a real person because someone wants them. No, no, no, not your girl. Not ever.

Just Because

Keisha Cole is not my favorite singer ever, but her songs obviously speak to people including me. "Sent From Heaven" has that beautiful guitar and the beach that reminds of Aaliyah's "Rock the Boat" video. Plus, hubby and I probably feel the same way about each other that Keisha sings about.

Barefoot in the summer at CAU

Just 15 years ago, I was in the SCOPE/FTMS Summer program for 6 weeks on the campus of Clark Atlanta University. I honestly had hopes of being an 8th Grade Algebra teacher, so it made sense to try to become a Future Teacher of Math and Science. Thank God I found out that I couldn't handle math and science, but it was a fun summer. Thank God that I learned a lot about the good and the bad of Greek life before going to college. This experience lead me to one definite decision based on an idea that all Greeks should live by.

Those 6 weeks were my first time away from home...even though my family was a 25 minute ride down the interstate. Living in the dorms that college students live in and sneak around in. Eating that campus dining hall food -- I mean not having a lot of tasty choices in what to eat because a lot of the food was..... Meeting other students from southern GA and other East and West Coast states across the country. Learning a lot about how crazy life can be because young people in the midst of their formative years can be straight up fools. But I did make some friends there that were just regular girls like me. Not popular, not complete nerds, but just making it through puberty.

One of the highlights was being mentored by some of the college students. There were 2 guys and 2 girls. One guy and girl were just regular students who taught us valuable lessons. To this day, I can't remember the guy's name, but I remember him telling a small group of us in a casual convo, "If y'all [the couple] have to hit on one another, then y'all ain't supposed to be together." If a man or woman has to get their point across with fists instead of conversation, then they shouldn't be together. That simple idea has never left me, and I still pass that on to others.

The other guy and girl were members of two of the Divine Nine fraternities and sororities. I don't recall the guys name, but he was a member of Alpha Phi Alpha. Looking back, he fit the stereotype of an Alpha very well: scholarly, arrogant, and fun to be around. He expected a lot of all of his mentees, and we lived up to those expectations for the most part. I'd bet money that several of those young men in our program were influenced to become Alphas. The female mentor was a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha. She completely fit the AKA stereotype: attractive, full of arrogant "pretty girl" attitude, excelling. She had a lot of expectations of us as well, and most of us lived up to her standards.

The Greek mentors decided to teach the 40+ students how to step. After attending classes and being enlightened to what the world held beyond our middle class teenaged lives during the day, the students were taken to on campus locations to learn stepping. Our mentor happened to have her chapter soror and Step Mistress on campus. She worked with us very hard and never made us feel bad about what were doing. They also "bonded" the 20 - 30 young ladies by making us "duck walk" from our dorm to the step practice location and back for the return. They even modified one of the pledge songs so we can sing together about striving to be number one. I'm sure that part of this experience was the first exposure to greekdom for some of the girls just like it was for me. The stepping was fun and made me want to have the fun side of greekdom, but our mentor told us about the community service, etc. so we knew it wasn't just singing and stepping.

But one night while we had part of our step practice in front of the dorm, another pivotal event happened. Our mentor, the attractive AKA, had all of us doing one of the first parts of the step routine. Girls from the Upward Bound program were looking out of their windows and making suggestions as to what we should do. Our mentor ignored the comments and kept us focused. She reminded us that all kinds of things will be shouted during a step show, and you have to remain focused to put on a good show.

The girls from Upward Bound were distracting, but then another college-aged woman came outside through the front door of the dorm. She wore a t-shirt, shorts, a head wrap, and no shoes. This young lady said she wanted to show us something. This young lady proceeded to step in front of us for 10 seconds. With no shoes. HARD. The young girls in the windows cheered wildly for the young lady who must've been an Upward Bound mentor. As she left, our FTMS mentor had the most unamused look on her face as she slowly clapped and encouraged us mentees to clap for her so we can get back to practice.

That incident was my first introduction to that sorority. That first introduction lead to my first impression: I don't want to be one of those sorority girls. Whatever the 1993 equivalent of "ghetto" was, that's what that young lady lead me to believe about her sorority. She broke a cardinal rule of Greekdom: always represent yourself to the utmost at all times because you never know who will meet you and therefore meet your organization for the first time. She was so busted that I knew I couldn't consider an org that would include a woman that steps hard on concrete inthe middle of the night. Therefore, I barely considered that sorority for even a split second when I started my long journey to greekdom.

Michelle Obama on "The View"

The View" is normally not on my radar because I'm still irked by the way Baba Wawa and that other wench Jo.y mistreated Mo'nique when she was guest hosting. Even had the nerve to make Mo'nique out to be disgusting and uncivilized because she opts not to shave her legs. Makes no damn sense for a show that is supposed to halfway bond and empower women would have two women gang up on one woman.

Today however, the wife of the 2008 presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, Mrs. Michelle Obama, was a guest co-host on "The View". Wonderful exposure and great opportunity for people to see her on a casual level and get to know her as a woman. The only reason I even know about this opportunity is because I heard about the appearance today on "The Mich.a.el Ba.is.den Radio Show", and they were disccussing Who.opi Goldb.erg's somewhat controbersial comments.

Simply, Who.opi comments that Mrs. Obama presents a positive image for black women instead of the common image with "no teeth" and can't make a complete coherent sentence to save their lives. But especially for dark-skinned black women. Whoopi thanked Michelle for being a positive representation.

Honestly, I don't see what the fuss is about because Who.opi was speaking the truth. Yeah, Who.opi has been questionable in the past, but folks should stop tripping as if she were B.ill Cos.by telling the truth about black people. Black folks know their used to seeing us on the news looking a damn fool, giving an incoherent account of the details that requires the closed captioning to be understood, or being the accused or red-handed criminal in handcuffs. That isn't how we always are, but that's a damned familiar image. Of course, all representations of black women or dark-skinned sistas or black people aren't bad because there are some strong, eloquent, put-together sistas and brothas in the world. They exist, and we as a culture embrace them.

The difference is that mainstream media doesn't always embrace or display that image. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they'd ask a light-skinned person for the POV since they were the first person they could find. After all, the news station has to have eyewitness accounts in their news coverage. Let a "true refelction" of a black person come along, and you wouldn't even know there were light-skinned people. It's alsmost as if the media feels that articulate accounts from black people in general aren't believable. Maybe their newscast won't be so trusted and dependable if someone articulate and black is on camera.

Thank God that we are in a historical time period where someone like Michelle Obama cannot be ignored because she's supporting her husband who's running for president. She's on the biggest national stage of all during this campaign, and she gets to disprove the myth that Opra.h is the only articulate black woman with influence and charm.

But I can't leave it all roses. I'm figuring that Michelle Obama had to request a "fist bump" for her greetings because that's what the media has been calling it. That ain't no fist bump. It's a "pound". It's probably going to be nicknamed a fist bump while the Obamas are campaigning, but it'll be a a pound once our first black president is elected.

He that sho won't be named + what's more than hygenics + germulosity

I haven't blogged in a while, so here's three items at once. Why? Because I like you.

"He that sho won't be named - nasty arse" got away with the crime that he committed... I-don't-know-how-many years ago. What I know is that I saw the video way back when, and a video forensics expert saw the video, and we both saw that it was "He that sho won't be named - nasty arse". I know that money will get you a lot of things. But who knew it would get a girl to claim "That ain't me!" while 14 other people including relatives are pinpointing her as the co-star of disturbing footage in a wood-paneled rec room/den -- which was featured in BET's now defunct show "How I'm Living"???

Here's a link to a much more eloquent posting on the subject: http://mokellyreport.blogspot.com/2008/06/r-kelly-pied-piper-beats-pedophile-rap.html.

I posted the below NOTE on Facebook on Friday, and it's just so relevant to the above hot mess. If you're single, maybe you should consider keeping something as a hygienic practice only so you won't be in a courtroom vehemently insisting, "That ain't me!"

Gargling: It's more than a hygenic practice.

Friday, June 13, 2008 at 1:27pm
I learned a new euphemism from one of my homegirls today. In her note, a guy mentions that he's dealt with a group of women who "gargled" a lot when they were dating. I got the visual and was disgusted at the prospect.

But then again, I'm married. I keep my man happy, and he keeps me happy. We are a happily married couple with 4 months under the belt. So, "gargling" isn't so disgusting in that capacity. Not that we'll discuss if it's happened or not, but "gargling" is acceptable in a married capacity. Maybe even a long-term relationship that is obviously starting to lean towards marriage because y'all have been together for years.

Single? I know that being single SUCKS. That's why single ladies should SUCK. And that's it. Try to do more than that too early, and I'll bet you'll be sucking down a pitcher of margaritas still wondering why he doesn't call anymore. Because you allowed your "jumpoff" nametag to appear.

So say it with me. "It SUCKS to be single. That's why you only SUCK."

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=16395913619&id=503561206&index=0

Lastly, I watched "Life in the Fab Lane," Kimora Lee Simmons' show. It's not a regular thing for me to watch, but her homecoming to St. Louis enlightened and entertained me. A classic case of "local girl does GREAT". Her youngest is adorable and has a mind and a mouth that amaze me because it's as if she's been here before.

Kimmora's life is pretty fabulous, and I can't hate. Just one thing got me. She's in her suite at The Four seasons calling up her best friend from childhood. Fabulous how she can still stay down with someone that knew her way back when. Kimmora doesn't let her fingers do the walking. She uses the tines of a fork to push each number on that push button phone. While she's talking, she takes some bites of food. My memory is not top-notch, but I can remember all kinds of things when it comes to germs since I'm a "germ freak" as my mama says. Kimmora did not put that fork down. She ate with a fork that touched a phone that God knows how many people have dialed on. She's left fabulosity for me and is now forever known for her "germulosity".

I know it's The Four Seasons. I also know a saw a local news report about a general practice where hotels have housekeeping clean out glasses by wiping with glass cleaner and towels. Think about how many times you've heard or seen a rolling cart full of glasses just clinking down the hotel hallway. Can't even recall one. Damn, Kimmora. Just damn. Not to mention eww.

I can't call it for sure, but I'm pretty sure I was stricken with the flu this past weekend. It's currently Wednesday, and I'm still sniffling and blowing my nose. IN JUNE.

I called out work on Monday but came back on Tuesday ready for war. I had my mini space heater and three shirts including a heavy Polo sweatshirt. I've been slurping on a lot of soup and hot tea just trying to feel better and avoid further sickness.

All of our grandmamas know why I'm sick like this. IN JUNE. It's the change of season and running in and out of the A/C and this ungodly summer heat. That's why I'm sleeping with a heater at my house at night. It's set to low so hubby doesn't think I'm entirely crazy.

Whirlwind weekend almost over.

I have about 24 hours left to recuperate from the last 48 hours.

Between being a proud auntie at her salutatorian niece's graduation (beautiful speech), road tripping up and down the interstate, and having the honor and privilege to serve as one of SupaChica's bridesmaids at her beautiful, tasteful, and fun wedding at a very lovely Georgia location, I'm wiped out but content.

By they way, my girl, SupaChica, was absolutely stunning. Her bridal party (Team Bride) was attractive as well. Everyone just looked nice, and everyone was touched by everything. Fascinating fact: almost everyone in the bridal party is married. Impressive.

Now that all is said and done, I almost don't know what to do with myself. There's one other thing I have to do, but it doesn't compare to logging about 500 miles on my car on the weekend with the highest gas prices yet. It was worth it since there were some once-in-a-lifetime events I went to. But I still filled up my tank at a cost of $47.84. *tear*