To leave or not to leave...that is SOOO the question.

A former colleague once told me I shouldn't put so much reality into my blog. Well, I guess if my entries deal with co-workers, then her advice makes sense. Otherwise, what I type must reflect me and the things in life that are affecting me.

Like the 7.2% unemployment rate and how it's affecting my rationale in the midst of my euphoria before I start my 10-week Commercial Truck Driving course.

Lord knows I have prayed before walking into a job in the past, and I still find myself doing that in my current position at the company I label as "a terrible place in [a suburban area north of Atlanta]". Prayers will definitely cross my lips on Monday when I walk into work after a nice weeklong vacation. More like drag myself through those transparent doors and fighting back tears when I press the up button for the elevator.

More than anything, I want to walk away from that job without a second thought. Just leave behind the insanity disguised as commerce. Well, not all is terrible at my job because I sincerely dig my manager. If it wasn't for her, I would not have taken off the very first week of the year, but she understood why I had to. But even with her being supportive and understanding, I really, really want to leave that place behind. The idea of quietly resigning fascinates me even more as my future in truck driving is only 10 weeks away from being my reality. If the image of me drooling like Homer Simpson at the idea of resigning comes to mind, you're not too far off.

Yes, I want to walk out on faith that God will be with me as I study to drive trucks professionally as a full-time student. But reality smacks me in the face when I watch CNN or read articles like the one above or this one about job security. God may want us to walk out on faith in some situations, but I'm sure He doesn't want any of His children to be foolish in this economy. As much as I despise and abhor my job, there are literally thousands (if not millions) of people that would love to sit in my (rather spacious) cubicle, answer the litany of calls and emails from not so bright customers, and earn my rather decent paycheck and benefits. As much as I can't wait to get away from that place, I have to wait and personify the virtue of patience. I must.

After all, the economy has affected so many industries and downsized thousands of employees. Trucking was also affected. So, it would honestly be a decision of tomfoolery to leave now. But I will continue to fantasize about it as I play Megamillions... and endure the next ten weeks of an intense schedule.

Pray for me, people.

2009 is gonna be sooo divine

will be my year. After all, I made it through 8 years of Bush. If I can survive that with God's blessings, I can survive anything after that. The same is true for any and everybody else. Tears damn near came when I realized the year of Obama had arrived after all the time under Bush.

But so much more is yet to come for me. After all, I ended 2008 by earning my CDL Class A Permit. Truck driving school will start on January 12, and I'll be striving full-steam ahead towards my future and my goals. The road ahead is guaranteed to be interesting with a full-time job and nearly full-time school, but anything worth having will be very much worth this sacrifice. Anticipation is high for the weeks ahead.

In the meantime, I've figured out just some of the things that will rest next to the 2008 stop sign as I keep on truckin' in 2009. Thanks to my homie, "Chyna", for the inspiration.

• Procrastinating in developing my relationship with God. My delay has more to deal with the fact that we're always told that God is always there with you. Always. Even if you turn away from Him, He's always there for you whenever you turn back to Him. In theory, you can just hang out in the devil's playground until I start collecting on my 401K. Trifling but honest. I know my relationship with Him can be so much more, especially since He's been so good to me in 2008, so I'm gonna stop putting off my efforts.
  

• Trifling neighbors with no concept of time or courtesy. Hubby and I love the downstairs unit we're renting in a duplex, but it happens to come with ignant PhD. candidates not from the US who just turned off their music at 3:55 AM. I don't know if the cops ever came or not, but they're more ignant than any of the neighbors I had in those shoddy townhouse units my brother, NOPI, and I rented in East Point. Translation: These European kids are more ignant than my ghetto-fabulous black neighbors.

• Weight gain. I'm trying to lose right now, but there will be no additional gain.

• Tolerating the friends/family that do not have any concern for me

• Dispair over the people in my life that don't get me. There's great people that get me for real.

• Self-pity and self-doubt
  

• Being stressed by my job...that doesn't get stressed by me

• Hubby's hangups that have nothing to do with me. I will not keep banging my head into the wall when I've pointed out the obvious that should dismiss his hangups.

• Any of my residual hangups that have yet to be determined

• One of my credit cards!!!
  

Fa La La La La My Ass

This past weekend, I attended the beautiful, love-filled wedding of one of my favorite sorors who helped me on my journey towards the Sigma Light. She really is a special 6'1" Amazon Sista, and I'm so happy she found genuine love with her gentle yet hilarious chocolate giant. For her gifts (because I missed the bridal shower and just brought her gift to the reception), I took a little piece of myself and put it into each part of the gifts. She has one of those cool books where the man and woman tear out a mystery page with instructions for a sexy/romantic encounter. She'll love it. Plus, I got an appliance off her registry that I know I'd enjoy, too. I wrapped it in beautiful baby blue and chocolate paper, but I took it to another level when I learned how to tie a ribbon into a nice box for her gifts. It's pretty good for a first try, especially when I wanted her to detect the personalized effort I put into the gifts. Seriously, how many people really receive gifts with bows tied by hand? How many gift bags do you have in your gift closet??? I was so excited that I took pics. This new talent might not lead to a gig wrapping gifts at Macy's during the Christmas season, but it sincerely felt good to do something special for someone else that I think of as special.


I must be more in a gift mood considering that Halloween is long gone, (damn I miss it). Thanksgiving is approaching, and laughter and good food with the family is being anticipated. So, here comes Christmas. On the real, the commercialization of the holiday has gotten on my last good nerves, so I cringe and make faces when I see all of the decorations, gift wrap, and God awful reindeer and sleigh earrings. I still appreciate the reason for Christmas, so I'll always celebrate the birth of Christ, but everything else surrounding Christmas on a retail level has just disturbed me.

But in the good ol' gift giving spirit (and therefore giving of myself which I can enjoy year round), I've decided to participate in a family gift exchange. This part of the family is kind of large and fruitful, so shopping for all of the adults, the kids who have grown up (my group), the kids who are still under 18, and the new kids of the grown kids gets expensive. That's why the adults and grown kids can choose to participate in the gift exchange. One of my aunts used to facilitate the whole gift exchange. She facilitates a lot of stuff, so I think she's completely over this gift exchange. Somewhere between last year and this year, she passed the task on to someone else. How gracious, right?

Well, I sent our newest facilitator an email reply from moi to report the requested gift items for $50 or less from my city's relatives. I communicated the requests, and I played facilitator in our city by telling the people who they're playing Santa for and providing the wish lists. But being the daughter I am, I came up with a novel idea for my mom: whoever has my mom's name can tell me what they didn't buy for her, and I can pick from those items so she can get TWO desired items. Nifty. I communicate this to our facilitator and just wait to hear back from Mama's Secret Santa.

I bet the facilitator is dealing with a bunch of stuff dealing with us, so there's no pressure. I appreciate that someone else stepped in. Honestly, I would've done it if I were asked, so I don't want to give much grief to the person who's doing it. But I get this email: "I just let the perfume off for your mom."

WTH??? I jumped to a conclusion, waited a minute to let it sink in, then stuck by the same conclusion: that's some straight BS. If I didn't know any better, I'd definitely say this person is manipulating the exchange instead of just facilitating. It's not like said person said something cool like, "I got your mom items A and B because I'm just ballin' like that, so the only thing left is the perfume." Naw... This one pretty much looked at the list and said, "Her daughter should buy her the perfume because it's the most expensive item." (It might not be if you look at the right websites.) Again, straight BS because if I wanted that to be done...., me and my bold self would've left the item off the list in the first place and bought it for her. But in the spirit of giving, I wanted to give the other party the chance to buy one of three nice items for my mom, and then I choose from the remaining items that weren't the giftgivers' first choice. That's my rationale because I love to give gifts that I would appreciate, so it's like giving a piece of myself, and maybe Mama's Santa wants to do the same thing. That's just the kind of woman I am. Besides the pissed off kind that dislikes obvious manipulation and BS.

The one good thing to come out of this moment is that I've learned that I'm not the only habitual line stepper (RIP "Slick" Rick James) out of my cousins. *sigh*

We paid attention in Language Arts. You can, too.

I've been overwhelmed with different emotions over the past 13 days since America did the right thing and elected Barack Obama as the 44th President. There are still a few sparks of excitement and anticipation left over from the initial grandiose explosions of fireworks when I saw the election results. A Black President of the US seemed surreal, but it has become more and more real since I've heard Ru.sh Limbaug.h and S.ean Hann.ity on the radio ranting and damn near exploding like a shed filled with explosives lit from a long trail of gunpowder by a mischievous cartoon character. Despite two people's broadcasted rants that represent the various stages of outrage from 48% of the nation's registered voters, the other 52% of voting Americans are still reveling at the impending change that we anticipate.

It also helps that our President-Elect is so crushworthy.

But the other night, I learned that we still have so far to go despite our voting. When I speak of we, I'm referring to my Black brothers and sisters.

I was visiting my family and got to play with my seven-month old niece, "DaBy". We have a nice bond already. It's just natural. Maybe she detects that I was just a light-complected as she was when I was a baby. Honestly, it's hilarious to me that my brother always picked at me for being the lightest, and now his daughter is even lighter than I am.

I love that little girl, but she can be quite a handful, especially when she's unhappy. Sometime during the evening, DaBy was completely irritated and was letting us know it while she wailed right in front of me. She literally was crying and fussing for no reason. At all. I know this because after about 8 seconds of trying the "What's wrong?" game with her, I decided to share some pictures of her cousins that were on the table.

"Look, DaBy!" I shouted in the excited tone reserved for little kids and PBS afternoon stars. "It's your cousin, Mimi! Isn't she pretty?! Ooh, and there's Lee! Isn't that such a pretty picture?! You'll grow hair like hers one day! Ooh! There's Mimi again! She's playing volleyball! You can play volleyball one day, too!!! YES! You can play whatever you want, and I'll bet you'll want to hit stuff!"

DaBy actually stopped crying and was looking at each of the pictures. She didn't even sniffle. Just looked at the pictures. Then, she turned and looked at me and started her baby talk. She really loves talking, so I do my little part to return the chatter back to her.

From out of nowhere, DaBy's other aunt (DaBy's mom's sister) has to say, "Ooh, look who sounds white."

I don't even really know this woman, but that pissed me off. Being who I am, I immediately told her to kiss my white ass. Maybe that convinced her I'm not so white. But how effed up is it that America and the entire world just celebrated the election of an intelligent, well-spoken, obviously educated, charismatic (and attractive) black man as the leader of the world's most powerful country, yet that nonsense notion of being a smart black person means trying to be white still exists? Everyone's victory in his successful campaign should actually illustrate more than ever how important and invaluable an education is. Parents of school children everywhere should point to our President Elect as an example as why young students have to pay attention in school and learn something; their child could be taking the Oath of Office one day. But that damn crabs-in-a-barrel mentality won't go away.

Honestly, the notion that such an effed up belief system that has held black people back for so long would instantaneously evaporate with an historic election is kind of silly. But with such an idealistic approach to life these days, that "woman's" words were almost a slap in the face of Obama's work and his supporters' colorblind beliefs. I still have hope for the rest of us and even DaBy waking her other aunt up to reality. Speaking clearly and understandable is not just a trait of white people. It's just a trait of a well-spoken, educated person. Period.

So many thoughts in my head yet so little time before I have to report back to the salt mines better known as my job. Wide awake for some good reasons since I'm contemplating all of my next moves.

At least I have the CDL General Knowledge test under my belt. I'm studying up for the Air Brakes and Combinations portions that I plan to take later this month. The beauty is that I'm one step closer to my goal. I'm officially on the path to the next phase of my life, and that thrills me so much. The next phase can't start fast enough, but everything is still happening one step at a time. *sigh* But if I could drive someone's truck tomorrow, I would.

Since I can't, I'm living vicariously through a new friend of a friend. I met her when she was still in CDL school at Dekalb Tech. Now, she's officially earned her Class A CDL and will be starting orientation with a trucking company soon. She doesn't officially know it, but she's already become a sort of mentor for me. We both already know we'll be two of the prettiest truckers on the road. That doesn't mean trucking in stilettos and fitted Baby Phat jeans. Just maintaining the pretty....

In the meantime, I'm praying that I can make it through my current position. I only need it while I'm in school, and I'm outta there as soon as I get the right trucking position. But for now, I'm appreciating the fact that I'm employed while others are unemployed in this atrocious economy and job market. A job that drives me crazy with changes and interesting executive decision making is better than no job at all, especially since I know at least four people currently out of work, and one hasn't worked in 3 months. I'm bitter about my job but sincerely appreciative to be employed. Quite the conundrum that anyone can clearly understand in 2008.

"I Just Want it To Be Over" was an instrumental part of my personal soundtrack when I was teaching but finally realized I want to drive trucks. Yet, I have an interesting motor vehicle record. It's cleaned up now with ZERO points, but I'm obviously in yet another phase where this last phase can't be over fast enough.


Keyshia Cole - (I just want it) to be over
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwPS2FT0HUE

I've been feenin' for this for years!!!

This "Passin' Me By" remix was one of the songs that showed me there was more to hip hop than just what was on V-103 on Friday night's Fresh Party. It's hard to conceive that there was no hip hop on Atlanta airwaves 24 hours a day when you consider that Atlanta is now a hub for hip hop and the music industry in general.

The original "Passin Me By" and this divine remix provided some of the auditory Heaven on Earth experiences I had on Sunday nights from 10 PM to 2 AM during my high school years. WRAS 88.5 FM played underground hip hop and all the goodies from '91 - '95 (a great time for hip hop). That's where I discovered Nas and "Illmatic", The Lords of the Underground, Common Sense (the deliciously gifted artist and actor we know as Common), Black Moon, Apache, The Pharcyde, and so many others. This is where I experienced the "jazzier" side of hip hop and anything other than booty shaking and coochie popping.

* For my FaceBook friends, go to my profile to hear the posted music or return to my blog: http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com.

Thank YOU, Senator McCain!!!

I never thought I'd appreciate anything Senator John McCain did, especially after hearing the story of how he created a huge calamity at sea when he was in the service. That calamity cost hundreds of lives according to my source. Guess I should look that up....

BUT THIS WAS WAY MORE IMPORTANT!!! Last night, I had to go to sleep on the Presidential debates because a lady has to wake up and go to work. I was listening to Q100 in Atlanta, and I heard that Sen. McCain refused to shake Senator Barack Obama's hand. I was thinking, "There must be a misunderstanding. No one would be silly enough to act like that in front of several dozen people including Tom Brokaw and definitely not while the cameras are rolling." I searched through a few Presidential debate videos on YouTube. Then, I figured I should search for "McCain refuses" and sort by date added... VOILA!

I watched the short clip below twice and had to see that this experienced Senator who knows everything about how to save our country doesn't know the first thing about common courtesy. How do you consider yourself to be a presidential candidate but refuse to do something as simple as shake your well-spoken opponent's hand? How can I trust you to handle the complicated tasks of a presidency when you cannot shake the hand of the man that obviously has an edge on you after the debate? How can Sen. McCain really be trusted to be the face of America when meeting with international officials and diplomats? What I can trust is if someone shines more than McCain in anyway, then McCain will nearly act like a eight year old Little Leaguer who lost a game. Granted, McCain didn't physically move away from Obama's outstretched right hand, but McCain's refusal to return the silent gesture speaks volumes about his character.

In short, THANK YOU, Senator McCain! There were some undecided voters watching, and I'm confident that those few seconds of your life swayed some undecided voters to be sure to cast their votes for Senator Obama. Not to mention your lackluster decision of Governor Palin as your vice-presidential running mate. I can't thank you enough for your decision making skills.




John McCain Refuses to shake hands with Barack Obama - 2nd Presidential Debate*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN_wsMA_LJA

* For my FaceBook friends, go to my profile to view the posted video or return to my blog: http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com.