To leave or not to leave...that is SOOO the question.

A former colleague once told me I shouldn't put so much reality into my blog. Well, I guess if my entries deal with co-workers, then her advice makes sense. Otherwise, what I type must reflect me and the things in life that are affecting me.

Like the 7.2% unemployment rate and how it's affecting my rationale in the midst of my euphoria before I start my 10-week Commercial Truck Driving course.

Lord knows I have prayed before walking into a job in the past, and I still find myself doing that in my current position at the company I label as "a terrible place in [a suburban area north of Atlanta]". Prayers will definitely cross my lips on Monday when I walk into work after a nice weeklong vacation. More like drag myself through those transparent doors and fighting back tears when I press the up button for the elevator.

More than anything, I want to walk away from that job without a second thought. Just leave behind the insanity disguised as commerce. Well, not all is terrible at my job because I sincerely dig my manager. If it wasn't for her, I would not have taken off the very first week of the year, but she understood why I had to. But even with her being supportive and understanding, I really, really want to leave that place behind. The idea of quietly resigning fascinates me even more as my future in truck driving is only 10 weeks away from being my reality. If the image of me drooling like Homer Simpson at the idea of resigning comes to mind, you're not too far off.

Yes, I want to walk out on faith that God will be with me as I study to drive trucks professionally as a full-time student. But reality smacks me in the face when I watch CNN or read articles like the one above or this one about job security. God may want us to walk out on faith in some situations, but I'm sure He doesn't want any of His children to be foolish in this economy. As much as I despise and abhor my job, there are literally thousands (if not millions) of people that would love to sit in my (rather spacious) cubicle, answer the litany of calls and emails from not so bright customers, and earn my rather decent paycheck and benefits. As much as I can't wait to get away from that place, I have to wait and personify the virtue of patience. I must.

After all, the economy has affected so many industries and downsized thousands of employees. Trucking was also affected. So, it would honestly be a decision of tomfoolery to leave now. But I will continue to fantasize about it as I play Megamillions... and endure the next ten weeks of an intense schedule.

Pray for me, people.

That b**** ain't got nuttin' on Karma

Tuesday went nice and normal. I'm working hard trying to get my tasks done before quitting time. Of course, if it's not done, all of that stuff will be waiting for me on Wednesday. Just like it was waiting on me when I returned from my 4 pm lunch at 5 pm. Late lunches are preferred because when you come back from lunch, there's only 1 - 3 hours left to work. Pretty cool.

Well, my boss lady calls me into the office at 5:15 PM, but I get stuck with this crazy lady on the line who doesn't hear me well, gives the wrong answer, and it stretches our phone call out to about 5:45. Grrrrrr. Boss Lady is really understanding because she knows I'm working hard, but this meeting with the lady that signs my timesheets cannot wait until Wednesday. I'm kinda nervous because my lead has been with Boss Lady for quite some time. Maybe they've been meeting to discuss how much more slowly I get my work done than others. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my head like Elroy Jetson flying with a jetpack on his back while high on speed.

Boss Lady just straight shoots: "I had to let 'that Biatch' go. So it'll just be you and the lead for a while, but we're gonna move the other person over and start training her."

In case you forgot, 'that Biatch' is the chick who always gave me a hard time because she was obviously sooo much better at the job than I was. She's first-tier while I'm barely hanging onto second-tier status. She's Hennessey Privelege while I better be glad to be Paul Masson. (More about her at http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com/2007/10/co-workers-can-be-funny-as-all-get-out.html and http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com/2007/05/being-pressed-must-be-pressing.html.) Actually, we started getting along for the past week before she was let go. Of course, I was keeping my eyes WIDE open because I know how fake she is, but the objective in getting along was making the work week as easy as possible by minimizing the drama whereas she thrived on drama.

When I heard the news about 'that Biatch', I was quite shocked to say the least. Boss Lady tried to ask me a question about moving the other person over, but my words had trouble coming out since I was still so flabbergasted and taken by surprise. No one saw it coming...except Boss Lady and 'that Biatch' so I can't really elaborate on why she got fired considering that's just a bad look.

Just like it would be a really nasty look to rejoice at her losing her job during the holidays. Honestly, I don't want to rejoice because it's just foul even though the links above point out a smidgen of the crap dealt out by that 'woman'. Karma has got be busting a gut still laughing at the circumstances because all of the crap dealt to me and several others was all hit her dead in the face which might be feeling a few drops of Karma's spit on her face. Now, I'm really not rejoicing, but to be real, you would really think I'd be jumping for joy like a kid hearing their favorite morning DJ announce that school (and a day of tests) is out due to a Snow Day. I was never thrilled to hear about her losing her job. That's a woman with a kid at Christmas time who doesn't know exactly where her next paycheck is coming from. Then again, she has a side-hustle that she could take full-time (and she should), so extra concern about her really isn't needed. It's just not cool to openly be excited, and I haven't shown any of that since she's been gone.

In the meantime, Boss Lady made many assurance that my job was safe, and smugness clouded my thoughts while I luckily kept my face humble and worried. Boss Lady has documentation of how well I do my job from customers and the sales staff I support. I KNOW I'm really good to go as long as I don't eff things up, especially now. There are no guarantees that I'm safe, but I just know that I've been doing my part so I don't have to make Karma look me in the eyes and cuss me out. That's exactly what Karma did to 'that Biatch'. Bless her heart for losing her job, but 'that Biatch' earned that title, and she'll keep it...if I ever have to mention her again, but I shouldn't, should I? (Still not dancing. For real, for real.)

I can't work this life no mo'!

Brother Kanye works my nerves with his arrogance, and he's really pretty average looking, but that intro from "Spaceship" off "College Dropout" inspired this post. The picture goes so well with my ambitions, too. Just walk the hell out the do' all cocky with it because I'm know I'm walking into a better door than the one I left.

One of the best lines in the whole song:

Waitin' paitently I ask myself

Where I wanna go, where I wanna be

If that song ain't talking about me right this second! The salespeople are going crazy with their "I want it yesterday" attitude as if we don't have anything else to do for our support jobs. We always have something to do. Well, Fridays can be kinda blah for my position, and the same kinda goes for sales. But they keep pushing, and it's making the job not so easy anymore.

That's why I still have my mind focused and steered straight towards being behind the wheel of a semi. I know I need to stay with this job for at least another 7 months. I may even sacrifice my happiness and wait 8 months so I can be on my chapter's step team again. (I can't be in practice in March if I'll be doing the truck driving school thing in March.) That sacrifice isn't so bad to me in comparison the idea of being constantly frustrated because I know I'm getting more and more sucked into this corporate life that I never wanted to be in. This goes to show again: If you own a small business, keep your business private and small enough so your empoyees don't have to suffer.

Meanwhile, I had two psychic moments in the past two days. Me and Bones are kinda on the outs. I've decided not to sweat it this time. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't call, "then it just wasn't meant to be. It just wasn't." (MC Lyte's "Paper Thin") But back to the psychic moment. Monday morning, I was thinking of an answer to the question, "What song best describes your love life?" I was listening to Frank and Wanda on V-103, which I normally avoid because I'm a proud sufferer of SHMSS - Steve Harvey Morning Show Syndrome. Well, the song that comes to mind is "Stop Playin' Games" by 8Ball. We're both playing a stupid game, but he really needs to come correct on his game. I swear to God that "Stop Playin' Games" came on about 2 minutes later. Coincidence? Maybe.

On Tuesday morning, I'm driving into work just jammin' with a morning workout mix on V-103 again. What can I say - I just got tired of Tommy talking in Steve's absence, so I wanted to hear some hype in the morning. Faith runs through the traffic report, there's a quick news report, and a commercial comes on to my chagrin, but I don't change the station. Instead, I think to myself, "What they shoulda played was some LL Cool J. I need to find a LL Cool J CD for my car." I swear to God again that the next commerical started talking aout the G.O.A.T. Yes, the "Greatest of All Times" will be in the A this weekend hosting a party at The Compound. I'm seriously considering going because how often do you party with a hip hop legend? Coincidence? I'm not so convinced of that anymore.

Maybe I need to start working on my psychic abilities. Maybe I'll get a vision of winning lottery numbers so I can fly away on a spaceship with Kanye. Well, I'll fly off with Kanye's idea as I count my millions. OK...I'd be good with $250,000. You ever notice how you can't stand your job and just play the lotto a little too much because you sure hope you can get lucky and have a good ass reason to leave the job? *sigh* Just maybe the right combo of numbers will come to mind.