That b**** ain't got nuttin' on Karma

Tuesday went nice and normal. I'm working hard trying to get my tasks done before quitting time. Of course, if it's not done, all of that stuff will be waiting for me on Wednesday. Just like it was waiting on me when I returned from my 4 pm lunch at 5 pm. Late lunches are preferred because when you come back from lunch, there's only 1 - 3 hours left to work. Pretty cool.

Well, my boss lady calls me into the office at 5:15 PM, but I get stuck with this crazy lady on the line who doesn't hear me well, gives the wrong answer, and it stretches our phone call out to about 5:45. Grrrrrr. Boss Lady is really understanding because she knows I'm working hard, but this meeting with the lady that signs my timesheets cannot wait until Wednesday. I'm kinda nervous because my lead has been with Boss Lady for quite some time. Maybe they've been meeting to discuss how much more slowly I get my work done than others. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my head like Elroy Jetson flying with a jetpack on his back while high on speed.

Boss Lady just straight shoots: "I had to let 'that Biatch' go. So it'll just be you and the lead for a while, but we're gonna move the other person over and start training her."

In case you forgot, 'that Biatch' is the chick who always gave me a hard time because she was obviously sooo much better at the job than I was. She's first-tier while I'm barely hanging onto second-tier status. She's Hennessey Privelege while I better be glad to be Paul Masson. (More about her at http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com/2007/10/co-workers-can-be-funny-as-all-get-out.html and http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com/2007/05/being-pressed-must-be-pressing.html.) Actually, we started getting along for the past week before she was let go. Of course, I was keeping my eyes WIDE open because I know how fake she is, but the objective in getting along was making the work week as easy as possible by minimizing the drama whereas she thrived on drama.

When I heard the news about 'that Biatch', I was quite shocked to say the least. Boss Lady tried to ask me a question about moving the other person over, but my words had trouble coming out since I was still so flabbergasted and taken by surprise. No one saw it coming...except Boss Lady and 'that Biatch' so I can't really elaborate on why she got fired considering that's just a bad look.

Just like it would be a really nasty look to rejoice at her losing her job during the holidays. Honestly, I don't want to rejoice because it's just foul even though the links above point out a smidgen of the crap dealt out by that 'woman'. Karma has got be busting a gut still laughing at the circumstances because all of the crap dealt to me and several others was all hit her dead in the face which might be feeling a few drops of Karma's spit on her face. Now, I'm really not rejoicing, but to be real, you would really think I'd be jumping for joy like a kid hearing their favorite morning DJ announce that school (and a day of tests) is out due to a Snow Day. I was never thrilled to hear about her losing her job. That's a woman with a kid at Christmas time who doesn't know exactly where her next paycheck is coming from. Then again, she has a side-hustle that she could take full-time (and she should), so extra concern about her really isn't needed. It's just not cool to openly be excited, and I haven't shown any of that since she's been gone.

In the meantime, Boss Lady made many assurance that my job was safe, and smugness clouded my thoughts while I luckily kept my face humble and worried. Boss Lady has documentation of how well I do my job from customers and the sales staff I support. I KNOW I'm really good to go as long as I don't eff things up, especially now. There are no guarantees that I'm safe, but I just know that I've been doing my part so I don't have to make Karma look me in the eyes and cuss me out. That's exactly what Karma did to 'that Biatch'. Bless her heart for losing her job, but 'that Biatch' earned that title, and she'll keep it...if I ever have to mention her again, but I shouldn't, should I? (Still not dancing. For real, for real.)

Contemplating All the Time

I feel bad for not blogging for so long. However, I've been dealing with A LOT in my life. The short version is I've been hit on by a variety of characters that helped me hone my skills when it comes to flushing the crap down the toilet. One guy was still married and ready to make a move because of the chemistry we had while dancing and talking. He was eventually gonna make me his girl on the side just waiting for the day he would leave his wife. Riiiight. The young fool took me to a drive-in where we went dutch, and he actually asked me, "Do you like oral?" during the date. Like my panties were gonna just disappear and we would get down to business. Just one disappointment after another.

However, one friend who was lurking but still being my friend got closer to me despite my resistance. He always claimed, "I love you," since I've met him, and my responses were, "You don't know me." But he really knew how to treat me the way I wanted and deserved to be treated. And he digs me for me, not what I could be. On November 25, we officially became a couple. It's only been 2 months, and I think he really does love me. I feel very strongly for him, but I beleive I'm emotionally dragging my feet because of all the stuff I've encoutnered so far at 30. I want to love. I just don't want to be hurt again. I'm just taking my time.

I'm still doing me in the meantime. I've fallen off my workout regimen because I hurt my heel pretty badly. I did the AIDS Walk but didn't have the best support for me in my shoes. I've been lightly limping since. I've ridden a stationary bike quite a few times, and I love to change the resitstance, challenge myself to a hig speed for abou 1 or 2 minutes, and feel the sweat. It's not as much sweat as I'd feel on the elliptical, but it's better than nothing. THen somehow, I've just stopped. I'm sure a great deal of it stems from being with someone who loves me just the way I am. He actually wishes I were bigger - no deal. I'll stay exactly the same before I pile on pounds. No one is worth me making my health completely decline by adding weight. Not even free Chick-Fil-A for a year, and I love those Mint Cookies 'n' Cream milkshakes.

But while I'm getting more and more consumed in this fast-moving romance, I just learned of Latasha Norman being a missing woman on Wednesday. Most people didn't hear about her disappearance because of mass media ignoring a non-white with blonde hair. It took FaceBook networking and adamant requests from the public for some national coverage of Latasha's story. As usual, we all suspect foul play from a current or former boyfriend because we hear a lot about that these days. As usual, we were right.

Based on the limited media details I read, Latasha broke up with her boyfriend months ago. But they were both students at Jackson State Univesity in Jackson, Mississippi so they were bound to bump into each other at the small school. On October 9, Latasha called police outside of a restaurant because Stanley hit her. Then on November 13, she winds up missing. Now, Stanley has been charged with Latasha's murder. Her body was found on November 29 and appeared to be 2 weeks into the decomposing process.

There's so many elements to this that are really jacking with my mind. For one, domestic violence has lead to an early death several times for several unfortunate ladies and their families. It might have been a case similar to Latasha's where she actually cut off the relationship, or it could be a case where the woman stayed when she should have left. It's even more disturbing that a 20 year old woman is no longer here because her 24 year old criminal justice major of an ex-boyfriend threw his life away because he couldn't handle rejection. It just doesn't make sense to me to give up my freedom because someone doesn't want to be with me.

That leads me to wonder about my sweetie. My boyfriend really is a genuinely sweet, shy, and funny guy who's kind, generous, and way more understanding and patient than any guy I've ever dated. However, I haven't had the opportunity to see him get truly upset (besides him stuttering to find the right words to protest my "You don't know me" response to his dail claims of loving me). Will he flip out like this? Will I ever be in danger?

I still recall one night after another long step practice, there were about 6 of the 9 step team members still outside before going home. We were talking about the case of Tynesha Stewart who was killed by her ex-boyfriend. He actually dismembered her body and burned her remains on a grill. Disgusting and unreal.... But one married soror was telling us singles, "Be careful of these men y'all are dating. You have no idea who you're dealing with. We don't want to see any of our names in the headlines because of who we dated." That sticks with me because we don't know. That can apply to a married woman as well as a single woman, but her motherly concern stuck with me. Stories like these help me on stay on my toes while dating.

Prayers go out to the family of Latasha Norman facing this new unfortunate circumstance as well as Tynesha Stewart's family who may take a very long time finding peace in these matters.

Sources:

http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071129/NEWS/71129039
http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071129/NEWS/71129031
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/190902/texas_man_slaughters_and_grills_teens.html

I'm so proud and humbled to be in such a beautiful sisterhood as my awesome Sigma Gamma Rho. Anytime anyone asks me why did I pick Sigma over the other sororities, I have to ask them, "Were there really any other options?" To be completely frank, I know deeeeeep in my hearrrrrrrt (*sorry, got distracted*) that if I had become a part of any other sorority, I'd only be a t-shirt wearer. I would have gotten my letters and kept it pushing. I never do that for Sigma. I can't say what the future will hold, but I keep my sorority near and dear to my heart.

I'll admit that I looked like a neophyte today. I wore a royal blue shirt with a golden "EE-YIP!" across the chest. I RHOcked that new platinum status satin baseball jacket with the sparkly letters, and I even wore my yellow rubberband on the wrist. But how couldn't I celebrate so much after attending a national Founders Day observance??? It was like a mini-boule, and I loved it. I cannot wait for Boule '08 in Detroit.

So to my sexy soRHOrs of Sigma Gamma Rho, I say let's continue to be women who bless the world through our motto of "Greater Service, Greater Progress". If there's hate out there, let the "others" hate. Even after the hate, there's still 85 years of stRHOng love overflowing and keeping our sorority not just alive but thriving. EEEEEE-YIP!!!

I keep forgetting this job pays my bills but does not fulfill me or even make me happy. It's just a job. Therefore, I gotta spare some of my energy so I can work on blogging and writing in general.

The BlackOut on November 2. That's today. You all have heard about. If you haven't, maybe you stay off MySpace and YouTube and go read some news from time. Huey Freeman did tell us that he knows we don't read the newspapers. Anyway, I'm not thinking this plan is well thought out, and it cannot be well executed. It's one freaking day out of the year that you want me to avoid spending money if possible. Just one day. Payday Friday for me.

Well, if I want to avoid spending on Friday, I could have easily gone shopping and filled up my gas tank on Thursday evening just as I did. If possible, I can wait until Saturday to do my spending. There could be other Saturday shoppers that procrastinated just like me, and we'll just double the usual Saturday shopping numbers. As positive as I usually am, I cannot see how one day of non-spending will have an impact on America's pockets. Just one day.

How about we take it back to the "old school" and really sacrifice by boycotting one specific business for a month or even a whole year. The Montgomery Bus Boycott did the same thing. Look how we benefited from our grandparents' dedication and focus.

Maybe I'm being a pessimist for once, but I just don't see the impact this will make. Maybe if we focused on one particular industry or one particular giant. For example, maybe we'd tell black people to cancel their gym membership to XYZ gym ASAP. Just cancel them whenever the contract is up, or just walk on out of there. Go join another gym that doesn't offend us for whatever reason. There just needs to be better focus....

Speaking of focus, here is one way that a colleague of mine threw off my entire focus:

I think I like him

I saw him at my desk today. This IT dude walks over to my desk to ask for my assistance. He walks in my cubicle space and says, "I have a need." My heart stops for a second, and I'm sure my face betrayed me having devilish thoughts of fulfilling his need. He says with his easy smile, "It's not that kind of need!" Oh how I wish it were. (I'm so digging it that I had to blog about this immejetly [way beyond immediately].)

I don't know what it is about this dude, but he is so yummy to me. He's smart, funny, quite cute, and just an overall cool dude. He's also a white guy, but that doesn't matter to me. A hot guy is a hot guy. I wonder if I look up at him with lovestruck eyes. I wonder if I told him how hot he is if he would return that same look. I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I'm near him, and I wish I could be close to him a lot.

This all sounds so elementary, but I really dig him. How bold am I to act on it? That I'm not sure of yet, but I'd have to pull him off to the side when it became too much to hold in my heart.

I did that once before in college with this light-skinned pretty-eyed teddy bear of an upperclassmen. I was still a freshman who had not found her inner woman yet. He must have been a junior getting focused on getting out of school and into the real world. Teddy was so adorable, sweet, and just cool. I like my mean meaty, and I surely liked him. Definitely had meat on the bones but not too much. Sometimes, he and I sat at the same huge table to eat dinner with others. Sometimes, I just saw him in the dorm lobby hanging out, and we were always cool.

Teddy had been making my heart skip several beats for a while, and I just couldn't hold back. We were walking back through the residential area through the trees and sidewalk one evening as we did two or three times a week. Fall leaves showed their beautiful colors as they blew in the breeze. They appeared to be shaking like fragile brown, yellow, and orange pom-poms cheering me on and giving me a little hope. I sucked it up, held my breath for a minute, and when I needed air, I blurted out, "I have a confession."

Teddy slowed down and looked at me with some concern. "Speak your mind."

I swallowed hard and finally said, "I like you. I think you're such a nice guy, and you're cute. I just had to let you know that I really like you."

Teddy batted his long lashes behind his glasses, and a smile crept across his warm face. Thanks to his light complexion, I could see a slight blush forming. Maybe he likes me back. Maybe his heart flipped a few times just as mine had done.

Teddy continued smiling as he found the right words: "I'm flattered that you think of me that way."

Oooh.... I had heard that before from my first love, who I was still cool with and was determined to marry after college. (Thank GOD that didn't happen!) Flattery will get you everywhere - except into the flattered person's heart.

"I see you as a friend. I think we'll be better as friends. Besides, I'm seeing someone."

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I still don't know if any of that was true because he and I didn't talk as much in my sophomore year. Maybe he really got serious in his senior year. Plus, I did switch to a dorm in the middle of campus with stairs upon stairs but no elevators. Only your real friends visit you when you live in a dorm where you have to take 3 flights of stairs.

His rejection didn't hurt me, but it doesn't make me itch to tell someone else how crazy I am about him. So I honestly don't know if my colleague will ever know how much my heart flip flops for him. *sigh*

I've had a blogging block (not break) for a pretty good reason. See...I find myself caught up in trying to create a blog that's noteworthy or at least a favorite for a few people. Most importantly, I like being able to express myself about myself. Not that I'm a self-absorbed narcissist that spends all of my time in the mirror worrying about me!me!ME! I really do have other thoughts on my mind about the world today. But I struggle with expressing thoughts about ME knowing that there are so many important and critical things going on in the world.

• It's a damn shame that Mychal Bell was freed from jail only to be put back in again. It's like the judge is telling all Americans, "Oh! Y'all think y'all did something coming down to Jena and marching? Let me show you that y'all ain't did s***!" (Initially, my true intentions were to get involved in the Jena 6 movement by blogging about the latest happenings. But then things would get crazy at work, and I didn't get the opportunity to blog when the news was fresh. C'est la vie.)


• Nooses keep magically appearing on college campuses, but these incidents aren't limited to just the South. Who knew there were rednecks at Columbia Univeristy?


• Georgia is having a serious drought even in October. It's as if God said, "I'm tired of y'all building over the glorious land I provided. So why should I give moisture to what you're going to reconstruct anyway?" According to an interview on V-103 earlirer this week with Mayor Shirley Franklin, Atlanta may soon have to deal with water the same way Las Vegas does.

Now, I am a conservationist and psuedo environmentalist by nature. I am who I am. I really do believe that turning off my shower water for about 2 - 3 minutes while washing my body can make a small difference. The suds and dirt being washed off can be delayed. It's not like the dirt's going to seep back into my skin for another day.

But at the same time I know that I feel I can contribute to saving the earth, I had to realize that I'm not a civil rights activist. It's easy to recognize that we still have so far to overcome with all the injustice that we're suffering. But I'm not a political pundit. I'm not trying to be one of the new civil rights figures. I'll be glad to help out, but I don't know if I'm supposed to step up to be "The Voice" of the movement. I want to do more, but it's almost seems impossible to want to take life so nonchalant when there's global warming, an endless and reasonless war in Iraq, and this insane housing bubble.

Honestly, I'm just trying to be me. Just regular ol' not all that deep me. At the same time, I want to grow into a deeper, more introspective person. Maybe all of the growth and evolution will be obvious in my blogging and my overall self-awareness. Actually, I'm quite aware right now because being 30 is the greatest! I know more about who I am and who I want to be. I'm just having difficulty accepting that I want to be "deep" so that my blogging can be "deep".

For now, I'm just not deep. So, I just have to accept that I'm not one of those deep philosophical types. I can't dig deep to impress upon people about how much trouble African-Americans are in and will be in if things don't change for us. I'm not the one to spit all these historical facts about our history and where we've been so we'll know where we're going.

I just wanna be me while I'm blogging. I'm accepting that. As long as your readers accept it, I'm good. If readers don't, then there's other blogs, aren't there?

Co-workers can be funny as all get out. Not hold your sides and slap your neighbor's knee from laughing so hard funny. More like "Damn, you got issues" funny. The sad thing about this moment is I couldn't make this stuff up even though I'm an aspiring author. Maybe this comical but sad moment was given to me so I could experience something beyond my behavior standards. Something I can't imagine doing so I had to have it happen to put it in my mind.

It all started bright and early on a Wednesday morning. Traffic wasn't so bad, so it really took about 55 minutes to get to the job. I log into the phone first, so I'm the first one to get a phone call. I gently hit the button to open the lines of communication between customer and service associate. "Good Morning! Thank you for calling ____. This is Sunshyne. How may I help you?" Click.

Thank goodness for Caller ID because I got to look up the telephone number. No, I wouldn't call back and harrass a customer, but I had a sneaking suspicion of who was on the other line when the phone rang back immediately for my other coworker to learn that the third associate would be absent. It was that fake b**** of a coworker that I've posted about before (http://sunshynelyfe.blogspot.com/2007/05/being-pressed-must-be-pressing.html). I couldn't believe it because you can just ignore your coworker and ask for the manager's voicemail. Hanging up is middle school behavior, so I knew a 40+ year old woman couldn't do that.

But I just had to confirm it was that b****'s cell phone number, and I had to call her out. She probably didn't think anything of it, but hanging up on someone is so disrespectful. I sent a text message confronting her, and she simply replied, "I didn't want to talk to you." What? That pissed me off further because there was no remorse because she obviously felt I didn't deserve her respect. I can just have a dialtone with no apology or consideration for professionalism. There was no way I could just let that go. I'll admit my behavior was beginning to lean towards high school like drama, but I couldn't just let it go as if I was someone who could be easily disrespected. We have to work together, and the least colleagues can do is be civil to one another since they spend about 35 hours together.

So, I sent another simple text message: "So your solution was to hang up on me? Trust that you're not my fave person but I've never hung up on you when I was forced to talk to you and your attitude-filled hmmphs. Feel better."

Fast forward to Thursday morning. The phone rings to my colleague, whose cubicle is mine. I used those elementary lessons in context clues to figure out that the b**** was calling out again. Cool by me. It would be another cool day without her despite the work being so heavy because we do need all parties present. After b**** hangs up with my colleague, my phone rings 10 seconds later. I can't help noticing that the number is local, and I shake my head as I press the button on the ear piece.

"Good Morning! Thank you for calling ____. This is Sunshyne. How may I help you?"

A deep and obviously ill voice says, "Good Morning, Sunshyne! How are you?"

I routinely reply, "I'm fine. Thank you for asking. How are you?"

That ill voice forces out a pleasant, "I'm well this morning! Thank you!" Click.

I'm stunned that a 40+ year old woman really took time out on her sick day to call my line directly just to hang up on me. It angered me, but laughter escaped from my lips about 5 seconds later. I've never seen someone be so pressed about another individual, especially someone that should have more maturity. But that's the key. SHOULD. Having years under your belt doesn't give you wisdom under your dome.

That exchange did release a little of my inner evil though. I actually researched the phone number and confirmed that it matched the area where she said she lives. So I conveniently sent b**** a text message to follow up her display: "I hope you're resting well over on [street name], but I'm glad to know I'm on your mind on your day off." I know good and well hell I never think about the job on any day off. For what? My focus should be on me and enjoying myself or getting good treatment for whatever ails me.

So was there a lesson learned? Yes, there were two:

• I was tired of ignoring bullisht that I would encounter with that b****. I was trying to keep the peace because we have to work together. Getting hung up on (which essentially equate to "F*** you" in my mind) flipped the script. So, it's out there. I really don't care for her, and I'll just be a professional as possible. Anything personal or sociable is out the window.
• Truck driving is even more appealing than ever. I can't wait to get away from silly office politics and just drive. How much longer do I have? That depends on some of the research I'll get back. Maybe...just maybe I can find a truck driving school with night hours. Then I can keep my current job and benefits a little longer. Foolishness will not get in the way of my sound thinking.