Derrion Albert

This mix of sorrow and outrage cannot be ignored. The last time I felt so horribly was when I was driving home from an Atlanta suburb in rainy conditions on a dark country road. I was taking it slowly when a huge raccoon came from nowhere and crossed my path. Being the animal lover I am, I truly wanted to slam on brakes or swerve to avoid killing the critter. For all I know, it could be a mother rushing off to her babies. But I was stuck in a curvy, slick road in a dark area. The only viable option I could choose was to proceed to take the life of this animal. I heard and felt the impact and was devastated that I ended an animal's life. But what else could I do: risk ending my own life in the woods because my car could've swerved where no passerby would've seen me? I prayed for forgiveness and felt better by the next evening.

The life or death choices surrounding Derrion Albert do not compare to my experience, but the contrasts outrage me. A 16-year old black male honor student in Chicago was senselessly killed on his way home from school. Not by a bus or a car but other young black boy involved in gangs. Derrion's violent end was captured on video that mortified me as well as thousands of other YouTube users. I cannot imagine what it was like for Derrion to endure strikes and blows to the head by fists, feet, railroad ties, and large wooden planks.

Worst of all, help did not come to him until he was knocked unconscious for a second time. There were people that appeared to try to help him, but it seems other gang members were ready to beat up anyone trying to get near Derrion. When it was all over, a group of people picked him up and tried to help him. They called his name in vain attempts to wake up the young man, but his bright future, like so many others before, was snuffed out.

I want to cry, scream, and wish prisoner-style justice on these young thugs. The kind of justice they reserve for men who beat women and child molesters. I've heard of this type of violence before, but this was the first time I've ever seen anything so violent with my own naive eyes. If you haven't seen it, I have a graphic video below. The censored version is disturbing enough, so there's no way I could post the uncensored version.


http://www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/metro/video_derrion_albert#

I pray that Derrion is able to rest in peace and his death may actually lead to a turn around on Chicago's Southside. So far, people have come together to hold a vigil in Chicago. The cops will reported be present for a couple of more days and longer if needed. However, what will hopefully happen is more people on the Southside will be more personally involved with raising their children better and providing positive reinforcement even if the children are not their own. Maybe more people will just give a damn and come together to end the foolishness that plagues our nation. Just maybe.

And maybe Oprah will try to have an impact on the Southside of Chicago. My friend who lives on the Southside says she has nothing to do with that side of town, but we all know how worldwide Ms. Winfrey is. Maybe President Obama will also address this in some way since he used to serve that area. I would hope he could just speak to the people while he's busy addressing the International Olympic Committee to get the 2016 Summer Olympics into Chicago. Talk about poor prioritizing by a city...

Even after expressing myself, I still need to have a good cry.

News Article from LA Times http://tinyurl.com/yclncbg

Very appropriate music thanks to the suggestion by my friend in Chicago:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxyYP_bS_6s

Procrastination :: My Kryptonite

All of my life, distractions of any kind have always been able to capture my attention better than what the things that really deserve my effort and energy. I might be wrong, but I'll blame my being born on the cusp of Cancer for that. "Men in Black II" is aiight but not so great that it justifies putting off my studies. Specifically, I'll blame special effect and computer graphics on this hour of procrastination.

See, the idea of "everything will work out...it always does" has plagued me forever. Usually, that idea has worked in my favor 92% of the time. But then I have to remember that I don't live in a sitcom.

So, after a 5-hour nap since returning home, checking Fa.cebook, and watching randomness on TV (I don't get Conan or Jimmy Kimmell on late night), I'll pull out the CDL manual and study. My future and sanity are at stake. I'll end the night praying for courage and strength in the next month. I will need it with the changes I see coming.

This link below is so fitting for how I'll feel about the changes I forsee....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7edeOEuXdMU

Tomfoolery of the feminine kind

Illness and injury have beaten me down all week long. To be more graphic and honest, I experienced one of the worst menstrual cycles I have had in years on top of a recurring back injury. I've been applying heat and ice packs at the same time. Plus, I scavenged my medicine cabinet for any muscle relaxers from previous injuries. God was good to me when I found some expired pills that I had to take, and they proved heavenly. My body probably cannot completely figure out which way is up with all these treatments.

At one point, nausea, lightheadness, and dizziness hit me all at one sad time during the workday. My body temperature started to rise, too. The first aid cabinet upstairs only had bandages, ointments, and alcohol swabs but no thermometers or other tools to help me out. So, to save myself from further injury aggravation that could make me cuss, I get on the elevator to go back to my area one floor below, and that's when the fun really began.

The doors closed, and I couldn't look at myself in the brassy doors. I just laid my head on the wall for what seemed like an eternity in a moving sauna greased with molasses. I swear my body was nearly on fire by the time the doors opened. Two of my male colleagues just stared at me as I exited the elevator fanning myself with my hand and rushing to the ladies' room. The cold water couldn't come out of the faucet fast enough as I started splashing my face with liquid lusciousness. The wet spots on my blouse never mattered one bit as my body thankfully started cooling down. I had to wet some paper towels to take with me because I couldn't risk spontaneous combustion before I returned to me desk.




When I barely made it back to my desk without fainting, my inner slacker immediately thought, "What da hayle? I gotta get outta here! I'm sick!" Then, another cool coworker saw me and asked if I was okay.

I'm positive I had a pathetic look on my pale face as I replied, "Noooo. I'm super hot for no good damn reason."

She quickly replies, "Maybe you're having a private summer."

Then, my face had to read, "Bulls--t". Private summer as in menopausal hot flash? No. Way. I quietly advised, "That can't be right. I'm on my cycle right now having the worst cramps ever. Hot flashes are only for old ladies that forgot who Aunt Flo is."

My co-worker, who is a couple of years under me but pretty mature, coolly and easily schools me that hot flashes can happen during a cycle for non-menopausal women. What the hell? That's news to me. Mama never talked to me about that, and I don't recall that being a subject during high school health class or even a daytime talk show. Ever. This is some hogwash joke my co-worker's trying to play on me. But a few minute later, a second co-worker tells me the same exact madness about hot flashes during a cycle.

This newsflash just shattered my little world. The situation felt bad enough when I realized one of life's secrets had just finally been revealed to me. My perspective worsened when I recognized that my maturing early thirties body had betrayed me once again. I already deal with acne breakouts from time to time. Hot flashes, too? Hot flashes. For me? For real? Damn.

Thankfully, I survived my internal betrayal and the urges to take the rest of the day off. But can I trust my body again after this? Are there more jokes and trickery for me to endure? Well, if there are more shenanigans ahead, I'll make the wise choice to endure them since this body is the only one God blessed me with, kinks and all. I'll just be sure to keep sipping ice water.

I swear this isn't whining....

It's been an unfortunate while since I've posted, but I've been in the midst of so many things. Like anyone with ears and/or eyes already knows, I earned my CDL. That has become one of my greatest accomplishments to date. However, coming across a great opportunity to use it has not been so easy to come by. Honestly, I'm not being picky and refusing job offers. This economy is so hard that there's drivers with years of experience still looking for work, so it's kinda hard for a newbie to compete against experienced drivers.

On top of that, my husband and I have entered the adult world of house shopping. It's not a euphemism for anything kinky. We're seriously house hunting. Interestingly, I am actually completely on board with this despite my fears that my credit wasn't good enough for a loan and my husband's desire to live in...Decatur. *semi-shudder*

Don't get me wrong or call me a snob. Any person raised on the Southside of Atlanta will easily tell you that Decatur seems more like a different world than another part of Atlanta just 30 minutes away. The difference has always been monumental to a kid like me who likes the laidback feel of College Park compared to the crowded hustle and bustle of the Eastside. But our journey into homebuying has shown me that a nice side of Decatur really does exist. (Trust that I did not look anywhere near Memorial Drive because I cannot shake that stigma for anything.) Plus, there's seems to be an energy in that city. A Hustler's Spirit that extends beyond slanging drugs to reach towards legal dreams of entrepreneurship, moving up the corporate ladder. A Go Get 'Em edge that you cannot ignore and have to acknowledge and respect or be suffocated by. So, whenever we buy, our residence will very likely be in Decatur after all, and we will be infected with that energy.

So, houseshopping, jobhunting, and still growing into my role as a wife and a Christian have consumed my life. Some things that hold a dear place in my heart have temporarily taken a backseat until I can step into the next phase of my life. I refuse to sever any ties because I will return.


But there are three things that have an unbearable hold on me and continue to hold me back. Working at the current job that will not lead to a viable career; knowing that my writing skills take a complete backseat to everything else; and my weight issues. If anyone pays attention to my FaceBook status updates, I'm frequently drowning in a sea of sub-mediocrity. The most rampant offenders remind of those fish and creatures that can only be found with special deep-sea diving equipment, so they have no business being out of water...except to make my whole department so drained that we can only return home each day and just regroup, rest, and return the next day for more tidal waves of tomfoolery.



I feel so spent after each workday that I don't blog or write anything or make any efforts towards self-improvement. Well, except my water aerobics days. But I need more than just those three days to get past this weight that's holding me back. The part that fascinates me is I know what I need to do in terms of eating right and exercising more frequently. It just happens to be difficult to get up the motivation and gumption to do it all because of how deflating and depressing my current work situation is. Sometimes, I feel like there's a smooth silky rope around my neck that feels comfortable at first, but then there's an anchor on the other end of the rope that keeps me in that sea of idiocy.

Despite all of the seeming pessimism, my hopes and dreams of moving forward remain. Eventually, I'll get to move forward, but I don't intend to wait too long. Everything will improve with time, so I'm not completely deflated. My hope-filled heart will keep beating, and my dreams will become reality soon enough. I just hope I won't have to wait very long.

Speaking of being uplifted, I found the original "I Am the Black Gold of the Sun" by the psychedelic soul group Rotary Connection which included the incomparable, unforgettable songstress Minnie Ripperton.

Get uplifted, people. Check out the Nuyorican Soul cover from 1997, too.

ROTARY CONNECTION-"I AM THE BLACK GOLD OF THE SUN" (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DR_NMtBEj4



Nuyorican Soul - I Am The Black Gold Of The Sun (4 Hero Remix) song starts at 0:38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIzqQOs_IrI

Don't tell me God ain't real because I PASSED!!!

After entering the gate without hitting a curb possibly hitting a gate, the examiner asked me to stop the vehicle, park the truck, and meet him inside. No indication of a pass or fail. I waited and waited about 30 minutes on pins and needles. I felt confident that I passed the driving portion because the pre-trip went well, and the backing maneuvers were flawless as I earned no points. When the examiner came back with that sealed envelope with my test results, I nearly tackled him as I rushed to receive my reward and embraced him. I hugged errybody in the room!!! I squealed with delight as the fruits of my labor and sacrifice were finally completed.

I'm very much so on my way to being a pretty trucker, and all the praise goes to God. I prayed so much in the past 24 hours, and I kept encountering scriptures that would speak to my situation despite the worry. Today, I visited a site and found that Mark 11:24 says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours (http://www.christnotes.org/dbv.php?d=2009-03-23)". Oddly, I prayed and request prayer that I wouldn't have to perform parallel parking because it proved difficult for me as I was often hit or miss on completing the maneuver. However, I also prayed that if I received parallel, then I knew God would guide me through it because He already helped he obtain the knowledge and skills set; I would just have to apply what I know. I prayed from Him to be with me again when I had to perform the task, and I pretty much KILLED it. It was perfectly in the box, and I knew I had passed the maneuvers...with no points!!!




I don't have any jobs lined up yet because things will take time and have some other things I have to accomplish first. However, I hope to be working in the field quite soon. I will stay with God on this part of plan as He has already proven He is the one to be with on this thing called Life. I'm so blessed today, and I hope this has blessed someone, anyone who wants to be a trucker or anything else they dream to be. It's never too late, and it's never too much if you go with God. He never left me and was just waiting for me to come to Him. Look what happened when I did. I will be a pretty trucker in the very near future. God is sooo cool. :)

NOTE: I found this awesome graphic at http://www.girlscantwhat.com/2008/03/05/meet-trucker-pamela-febbo/. Found it today, and LOVE IT!

WOOOOOOSAHHHHHH!!! I'll be a pretty trucker yet

My original intentions were to blog every single week about my experience in the Commercial Truck Driving course at Dekalb Tech. Wouldn't it be great to know what the school entails, how great (or possibly not so great) the different instructors are, etc.??? Yes, that was a great idea, but I'm so busy with a 40 hour job and 30 hours of school.... That idea died.

But this Monday will mark the beginning of week 9, and I couldn't be happier!!! "Thrilled" would not fully express how excited I eel about the progress I made yesterday. The backing maneuvers that have been stressing and taunting me are finally becoming fun now that I can complete the maneuvers. My spirit was as bright and glowy as the sky was on yesterday's spring like afternoon. Granted, the sweat rolled down my forehead and back from working so hard on a warm day with no A/C. (Most trucks have A/C, but I was so focused since 9 AM that I forgot to turn it on later.) My body feels different levels of soreness I haven't felt before. But I'm much closer to becoming a driver after all.

Driving the truck is a thrill of its own. I love being a cute girly girl operating that big vehicle with little or no trouble. Being behind the wheel sitting in "the hot seat" with my instructor makes my happiness bubble over. I'm all smiles when I'm driving (unless it's a Mack truck). Basically, my spirit is overjoyed to be doing what I've always wanted to do.

The only thing that could make me happier will be earning the actual CDL. Pray for me, people.

Such a truckin' lady

Excitement sounds like a pretty good word to describe how I feel about the end of the third week of the rest of my life. I should throw in anxious, eager, sore, surprised, (damn near) discombobulated, and spent. That's where some of my classmates are as we're currently learning our backing techniques. Offset backing is a bitch, and I bet her sisters, parallel parking and alley backing won't be nice either.

But taking my life in a brand new direction with my Commercial Truck Driving course far outweighs these initial frustrations. This change is HURGE (yes, big enough for an extra letter) when you consider I'm trying to stay sane while balancing my full-time job and marriage while worried about trying to get healthy. Unfortunately, I have to sacrifice my previous weight loss efforts to balance 40 hours of work, 30 hours of school, and fitting in 5 - 6 hours of sleep. Most days, I honestly don't know if I'm coming or going, but that's the sacrifice I'll make for my sanity in the long run.

Today has a bittersweet element to it. My brother would have been 38. I can't help wondering if he would look at me with surprise, admiration, or confidence at my attempt to seriously pursue the career I've dreamt of since I was 18. Of course he would have some jokes because that's just who he was, and everyone would laugh. Who would have thought his zealous little sister that drove our mom's blue Dodge Dynasty like "Dukes of Dynasty" would want to drive for her career? I don't think he'd believe this same sister that wrecked cars as a hobby and collected speeding tickets like a baseball cards would want to be a professional operator. He'd be cracked up at that career move, but I like to think he'd be impressed that I was choosing a career path outside the box for most women.

My brother made his own interesting choices in his short time here, and I am still making interesting choices in my 31st year. Actually, getting engaged after 3 months of dating, marrying after 6 months of knowing the man, and deciding to pursue a career that takes a woman out of her house and away from her loving husband of one year might be way more than just "interesting". Oftentimes, I can't help noticing he had a family, a home, loads of friends, extreme confidence, and great finances before he was taken too early at 27. I'm still not there at 31, but I'm hoping I can make myself and my family proud in the next weeks and months.

Old school shout out to my brother Eddie Cooler. We'll never forget you EVER. Whenever I hear this song, it makes me think of how cool he always was.

MC Shy D ~ "I've Gotta Be Tough"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY2oHSIBhqQ